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my emotions are blocking my shadow person it think. (if you read Charles de Lint, the shadow person should makes sense) anyway, this is not my conciseness. my conciseness it me quickly building pros and cons, remembering little thing people have said and reminding myself that this would be bad or not to flip out. hm due to a lack of my conciseness, i think i did make a mistake.
see i am all out of whack!
getting back. my shadow person, at least i think that is what he is, is their when i need him. he is there when i need comfort. he can keep me company in the state between waking and sleeping. sometimes he can even come through in my dreams.
he can also be there to talk me through frantic times. sometimes he can be not so nice. not mean but not the soft comfort.
you know it could be compared to Baltar and Caprica having their "angles" talking to them. (Battlestar Galatica, yup i am a dork)
not exactly because he is not a hallucination of sorts. i can not see him like standing in front of me. he is all in my head but still.
he is not there. i need comfort so badly right now. i could even stand for a good talking to since he knows what is in my head.
why is he being block? i feel like i am slipping off again. that frantic feeling like i am falling to pieces. maybe i am.
maybe i am crazy. this all sounds crazy written down.
i just need someone. i need someone to at least pretend to care. i want to be comforted and maybe loved.
he at least had the illusion of that.
i need a new happy place BADLY!