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....Life and other things.... This has been bothering for a while now, today more than usual. Now i honestly dont care that my boyfriend broke up with me. In fact i dont mind being single....ok thats not entirely true but.....anyway. Its the REASON he broke up with me thats been bothering me. Now i wanted to break up with him but i hate being the dumper, i'd rather be the dumpie. So he calls me up and says that he wants to break up because "Your just so pure and innocent that i feel like i cant even try to hold your hand or anything." BULL CRAP! Anyone who knows me knows what i mean. Yea ok the age different (3 years) was kinda a big factor but still. If your gonna break up with me at least come up with a better EXCUSE. So now whenever we talk (he and i are still good friends.) he always finds a way to say im so pure and innocent. Like today on the bus we got into a conversation about drugs and alcohol and parties. This one kid named Ian says hes had 5 cigarettes in his whole life, my ex (who im sure everyone knows his name so im just gonna say it.[Jon]) has had a few, and ive had none. They asked me if ive ever drinking beer. And yes ive had a few sips but its so NASTY i dont know why anyone likes it! >< Then Ian starts complaining about how there are no parties going on this weekend. And me just to be funny say that im having a party. (ok i said it was a joke.) And so Jon starts laughing and says "Oh yes im sure your having a party but the kind we're thinking of. You probably have cake and games..." and he just rambles on. OMFG i was just joking damnit he doesnt have to go on a rant about it. "Oh your so pure and innocent." Bull ******** CRAP! Ok so later on the bus ride Ian starts complaining about how he needs a girlfriend and its been like 2 weeks since he had a girlfriend (ok for me last year i had a boyfriend for less than a month in october and the next time i had a boyfriend was the end of the following september.) I mean at least he can get a girlfriend! Its like i can only get a boyfriend on gaia and still its GAIA! Its not real life!! The guy i like doesnt even know i freakin exist. I havent even had my first kiss yet! Then Jon and Ian start talking about their past relationships and all this other crap. It was like the worst bus ride ever. And now i think im getting sick. My throat hurts, my head hurts, im all achey, whenever i cough my chest hurts. And as if it wasnt bad enough i just got over mono. Which all of my friends made fun of me for saying i got it from Jon and still make fun of me! Thanks a lot! And i cant even eat. I'll be really hungry but when i start eating i lose my appetite and can hardly eat. I hardly had any breakfast this morning, and hardly any lunch. I dont know whats wrong, i dont know why i feel this way i just do! Plus i still have Jon's tapes and Dannie's DVDs and Mat's manga which im done with and just need to return. And my home life isnt terrible but it could be better. I dont get to spend time with my mom so she doesnt know im like this. In fact no one in my family knows im like this. They never do cause they never care! No one ever knows when im depressed except for when i tell them. I almost started crying on the bus today. People think im so innocent and that im just a cheerful little butterfly but they dont really know me. "Oh your so innocent. We dont need to worry about you getting depressed or you ever thinking of suicide. Your just so innocent and pure." Thats ALWAYS everyones excuse! I get depressed like every normal person. Im not a cheerful little butterfly im just like everyone else, so stop treating me like a little kid and like i cant handle anything "big" because i can! I know more about things than you think i do! And in case you couldnt tell by my long rant i am QUITE depressed!

Posted by: MidnightRose5 Tue Nov 29, 2005 @ 10:49pm

~+Draw my OCs+~
Wanna know how much I love you? Go outside when it's raining and count all the raindrops that hit you. All the raindrops that don't hit you is the amount I love you.
~+Come Visit my Shop+~

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Kaiba ~ Kun
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Commented on: Wed Nov 30, 2005 @ 12:01am


	...wanna come over this weekend? you can shoot things with me. 3nodding

Commented on: Fri Dec 02, 2005 @ 12:44am


	i know how you feel. A lot of people do the same thing to me. Just cause i act cheerfull a lot of times, doesnt mean i am. It seems that SOOO many of our friends are depressed ALL the time...and there needs to some happiness in our group. So i take on that role. (happiness is suppose to be contagious...but i dont really think it is.) Sometimes Jon can be an a***e(sorry Jon if you see this...but im afaid it is true.) Sometimes he doesnt know when to shut his month. It seems like he also has to have the last word in everything. sweatdrop (dont be mad, if you read this Jon... sweatdrop ) If you ever need anyone to talk to, Im here. heart** hug (this is Laura, just in case you didnt know)

Thanatos13
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Sephiroth 9534
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Commented on: Fri Dec 02, 2005 @ 09:34pm


	NOW I KNOW THAT YOU ARE RANTING IN YOUR JOURNAL, BUT FROM WHAT I KNOW OF YOU IN REAL LIFE, YOU ACT LIKE A DOORMAT neutral ! I MEAN SERIOUSLY, JUST TELL HIM THIS STUFF. I KNOW WHY YOU WANT A GOOD REASON, I UNDERSTAND THAT, BUT SERIOUSLY JUST WALK UP TO HIM AND START(DEPENING IF YOU WANT HIM SAD OR PUZZLED) FRICKIN SHOUTING, IF SAD START CRYING. I PROBABLY SEEM CRUEL BUT ITS JUST THAT MY COUNSELOURS (THE VOICES) EVEN AGREE WITH ME. THEY ARE SAMRT AS HELL, THAT'S HOW I HAVE 8 A'S WHICH BY THE WAY KICKS a**!!!!! HEY, IF YOU WANT A LITTLE REVENGE ON HIM JUST TELL ME. I HAVE MANY GREAT IDEAS. WHEN DEPRESSED, TELL SOMEONE FOR THE LOVE OF LIFE, GOD, ANYTHING ELSE THINKABLE OF, IT HELPS LIKE HELL!!! I MEAN UH, SORRY FOR YOUR DEPRESSION xd xd xd . TELL ME IF YOU WANT I HAVE ALL KINDS OF GOOD AND GOOD-BUT-EVIL ADVICE.

Commented on: Wed Dec 07, 2005 @ 07:54pm


	if it makes you feel better, I have never in the 4 years I've known you thought of you as innocent or pure

~[Bella Muerte]~
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unrespiring
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Commented on: Thu Dec 08, 2005 @ 07:38pm


	Holy crap...I had no Idea you even felt like that, as for what you said it was never an excuse (How I thought you were innocent) thats just how I felt. You also said yourself that you didn't think of me as your boyfriend. I never meant to break up with in spite, and for the record our break up was really a mutual thing, there really wasn't a dumper or dumpee. We broke up because it was hard for us to have a relationship besides friendship. I never meant to piss you off like this, nor did I mean anything wrong by saying you were innocent, thats just how I see you. Now If I had known you longer I may see you differently. Thats just how I see it...

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