Onto part three of the first episode of Captain Planet.
So in the last ten minutes the Planeteers summoned up a giant floating talking head which told them to combine their powers if they were ever in a jam. Then, they came across the elven pig-man punk snake-man they had been sent to assassinate in the name of the Earth, and he sprayed them down with oil. They nearly crashed, but survived, and by combining their powers, they summoned up a blue-skinned Superhero in red underpants with a green mulllet, named Captain Planet. Captain Planet then proceeded to seal all the oil underground, beat up the elven pig-man punk snake-man's sidekick, and was about to beat up said elven pig-man punk snake-man when elven pig-man punk snake-man decided to spray oil at him too. Somehow this worked, but Captain Planet got up again once he was cleaned off. Unfortunately, the elven pig-man punk snake-man escaped. So then they all settled down for a nice chat.
Said conversation basically goes like this:
Planeteers: Yay we beat up the bad guys and helped save the planet!
Captain Planet: Yep.
Planeteers: Now what?
Captain Planet: Get crackin'. The planet's still far from saved. Welp, I'll be going now, call me if you need me to beat up somebody. And remember: The power is YOURS.
And then Captain Planet vanishes into a glow, and the Planeteers rings shine again momentarily.
Afterwards we get to see the kids using their powers to help clean off the oiled wildlife. Wheeler heats up the water, Gi hoses down the pelicans, Mateee calms down the animals so they don't freak the ******** out and try to eat them, Linka blows the oil off, and Kwami... wanders around the shore, says Earth, and the dirt changes color.
Wheeler complains that they aren't getting paid. Linka calls him a 'sweet imperialist dog'.
I'll repeat that: She calls him a SWEET IMPERIALIST DOG.
Oh those wacky commies.
Then the sea lion starts licking Wheeler's face like he's a freaking dog. The sea lion is the dog that is, not Wheeler. Unless you're a commie, like Linka. In which case Wheeler's a dog.
AND NOW WE HAVE THE 'HOW TO SAVE THE PLANET' TIPS!
Summed up:
1.Don't use a car if you don't need to.
Well, considering my family doesn't even have a car and generally need to rely on public transit to get anywhere... go my family?
2. Turn off the lights in your house when you don't need them.
*Looks guiltily up at light on overhead when it's broad daylight outside and I'm by a window.* OK, I'll turn it off, and you won't have to beat the crap out of me. Agreed Captain Planet?
OK, this was short, probably because the last part is like, two minutes long counting the tips. So I'll include the lyrics to the classic Captain Planet theme song! As I hear them anyway.
EARTH!
FIRE!
WIND! (done in an oddly un-Linka sounding voice)
WA-TOO! (oh Gi and her crazy azn accent)
HEART!
GOOOO PLANET! (give me a C! give me an A!)
WITH YOUR POWERS COMBINED, I AM CAPTAIN PLANET.
(Singing begins now)
Captain Planet, he's a hero!
Gonna take pollution down to zero! (Is that actually possible?)
He's our powers; magnified.
And he's fighting on the planet's side! (Aaand now I'm picturing Captain Planet vs. Aliens.)
Captain Planet, he's a hero!
Gonna take pollution down to zero! (Please tell me you haven't run out of steam already.)
Gonna help him, take asunder,
Bad guys who like to loot 'n' plunder! (What does 'loot 'n' plunder' have to do with Pollution? It sounds like something pirate-related, and as has been scientifically proven, pirates actually help prevent environmental issues like global warming.)
-Spoken- YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS, CAPTAIN PLANET!
WE'RE THE PLANETEERS!
YOU CAN BE ONE TOO! (Oooh! Can I be Australia?)
'CUZ SAVING OUR PLANET IS THE THING TO DO!
LOOTING AND POLLUTING, IS NOT THE WAY. (Again, why should Captain Planet care about 'looting'? Do they just add it in because it rhymes with 'polluting'?)
HEAR WHAT CAPTAIN PLANET, HAS TO SAY:
The power... is yours! (This is going to be like that whole 'with great power comes great responsibility' line, isn't it?)
So... now I've watched the first episode of Captain Planet and dissected it a little. Eh, from what I can see, the complaints are justified... But I doubt it'll do in any harm, and they obviously mean well.
...I think I'll go watch the second episode now.
<3
