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Bleh. . . I'm frustrated with myself. >.<
Why do I have problems with being nice to people?!
Especially my friends. There's something wrong with me when I have trouble being nice to the people that mean the most to me. . . . .

Ugh. . . .

You'd think it'd be easy to just tell myself "Ok, just knock it off and be nice. Quit buggin' them."
So I. . . .sorta tried that. And it didn't feel like it worked out so well. . . . more like I ended up leaving and taking a second to beat myself up for making my friend mad. . . again.
I guess I'm only good at making people upset. And by the time I figure out how to be nice to people, my good freinds will be gone and will only remember me as the "friend" that annoyed the s**t out of them. I'll be one of the friends they'll talk about to their new friends and they'll tell their new friends about what a crappy friend I was and maybe how they learned from it. . . they've learned how I guess people can't change. If they don't treat you right to begin with, they'll never learn.

It's too bad that it took me until now to realize that I'm one of the bad guys. . . . I'm the one that needs fixing and I feel like I won't be able to do it.
I've spent so long acting like my dad who's is extremely rude and sarcastic and I've been taught that that's ok. I don't want to be that way anymore. Everyone says it's funny that I'm that way but not when I'm hurting people. I need to learn when to draw the line and quit with the harsh jokes. I don't want to hear my friends tell me that I'm being mean to them. Yes, I want you to be honest with me and I'm glad it was said. . . . Now I have to try to fix it. It's just that being a b***h has just grown to be a part of me and I have terrible socal skills and I guess I don't know how to act around people.


>.< Ok I feel like I'm going in circles.
Tomorrow I'll try this again. . . . I'll try to be nice. = / I know it's going to be hard and that's what upsets me. It shouldn't be.