"hey it's jackson, I'm not here right now please leave a message"
*click*
"hey it's jackson, I'm not here right now please leave a message"
*click*
You were lying on your bedroom floor the tear marks were dried onto your face, you knew he wasn't going to answer, you knew no matter what you did it was way to late, but you just wanted to hear his voice again.
Jackson had been your best friend since sixth grade, the two of you were inseperable. You had told him everything, things you didn't tell anyone else. But there was one thing, that was ten times more important then any other thing you'd ever mentioned. And it was too late now.
You had been had been at a party the night that it happened. You were all playing 20 minutes in heaven, and you stuck your hand into the hat feeling more nervous then ever.
You pulled out a pair of headphones, and Jackson stood up and helped you up with the biggest smile on his face. You two walked into the closet slowly as everyone watched you go.You wore your favorite outfit, your black skinny jeans with the neon green zebra print shirt that Jackson had given you for your birthday a couple of months ago.
"I love your shirt where did you get it?" Jackson asked you smiling his widest.
"oh, well you see, there's this kid and he's the bestest friend I've ever had. He got it for me, doesn't he have good taste?" you said laughing a bit.
"That he does!" he said smiling.
there was an awkward silence between the two of you. you understood why. both of you were alone in a closet standing less then two feet away from each other, in the dark. Everyone outside of the door, had known the two of you were best friends, they were just waiting for a miracle to happen.
"you want to dance?" Jackson asked quietly.
"dance? there's no music" you said smiling
"well you picked up my headphones remember?" he said grinning wider now.
"oh right I forgot. Yeah sure i'd love to" you said blushing a little.
jackson took his headphones back and plugged them into his ipod, he slid one of the ear buds into your ear and played the song "My Heart Will Wait" by Joe Brooks.
He pulled you in close, very slowly, as if he was scared to break you. And he put his hand gently on the lower part of your back and with the other hand he grabbed your hand tightly. You two moved so slowly, and as the song played along you put your head on his chest, and he laid his cheek on the top of your head. And then he pulled away and began to sing a part of it into your ear softly.
"My Heart will Wait, My heart will wait for you, my heart will wait, my hearts gonna wait for you, always."
you've heard the song before, but you never listened to the lyrics closely, and now jackson was singing them to you, and they had alot of meaning behind them when he said them.
"I whisper goodbye, I swear it's not for the last time.I know it's not easy.It's not meant to be easy." he said as he pulled away from you and faced you straight on now.
"_____" he said to you taking his hand out of yours and putting it on your face rubbing his thumb gently underneath your eye.
"yeah" you said nervously.
"we need to talk" he said a choking sound comming from his throat.
"is everything okay?" you asked worried.
Jackson didn't say a word, he simply just took your hand and brought you outside of the closet. Everyone looked at you two in shock, but jackson didn't even look at them, he brought you out of the house and fast. Everyone seemed to be going by in slow motion.
When the two of you got outside, he started running, and you chased after him the best you could. He slowed up, grabbed your hand and ran along with you. you ran through a couple of trees and you finally ended up in this huge field, with mountains on the other side. In between the mountains was the moon, the biggest you've ever seen it.
"wow" you said out of breath now.
"I know" he said, breathing heavy
he grabbed your hand again, and lead you to the center of the feild, and sat you down next to him.
"___?" he said
"jackson" you said quietly.
"your my best friend." he said looking into your eyes.
"your my best friend too" you said tears comming to your eyes, you wanted it to be so much more.
"you know i'd never hurt you right?" he said seriously.
"yeah" you said looking into his eyes.
"what i'm about to say ____ is probably going to hurt you more then you'll ever be hurt" he said with a tear sliding down his cheek.
"it's okay, jackson" you said feeling scared.
"no, it's not okay." he said shaking his head.
"whats wrong" you said tears forming in your eyes.
"you're not going to forgive me" he said looking at the moon.
"you know I will" you said seriously.
"i'm sick, ______" Jackson said after a long pause.
"how sick?" you said tears comming out of your eyes faster now.
"very sick. I've got a couple of brain tumors ____, i didn't know till last week, I had a siezure when i got home from school." Jackson said looking at you now.
"well don't they have treatment for that? I mean people of survived from that right? Jackson your strong, you can live it" you said desperate for an answer.
jackson began to shake his head. "I've decided not to get any treatments."
"Why not, I mean don't you want to live? don't you want to see more of this life?" you said frantically.
"_____" Jackson said looking deep into your face.
"I've seen it before, I know what treatments can do to a person. So I've decided to live, because i don't want my last couple of weeks, to be spent in a hospital ___ I just don't want to go that way." jackson said putting his face in his hands.
You stood up now, looking at jackson like he was crazy.
"weeks? what do you mean weeks?" you said half screaming.
"the cancer wasn't caught quick enough ___. it's to late. They gave me three weeks at most." he said tears comming out of his eyes.
"No!" you screamed at him.
"No, your my best friend, you can't just be gone" you said tears filling up your face.
Jackson stood up too and tried to hug you but you pushed away.
"Live jack, please, I'm sorry if it sounds selfish, but I NEED you, i need you here, you can't just die" you said sobbing now.
Jackson moved toward you, but you turned around running. You ran as fast as your legs would carry you, hoping that running would make this whole thing disapear. You ran all the way to your house, but you fell apart before you even got close to the door. It was late, and your parents were home, but you laid on the front lawn not caring anymore.
Jackson, all of a sudden was sitting next to you, and pulled you into a tight hug, holding you close to his warm body.
"I'm not scared of dying, _____. I know people can move on after I'm gone. I know you'll be okay in the end. Dying would be a thousand times easier if it didn't mean leaving you. I'm so sorry ____. I wanted so much more then this with you. There's so much I had to tell you _____. And it's all to late, i took to long, and now I can die at any moment. And i can't leave this earth, i can't leave you, without you knowing exactly how I feel about you." jackson said still holding you close.
"then tell me everything" you said still crying hard.
"I love you, _______. I love you more then I thought I could, then i thought was possible. You made me a better person, you really did. You taught me what it was like to be truly happy. I wanted more, _____, i wanted more then three weeks to have a life with you in it, more then just a best friend, Hell ____ i don't even know if I'll wake up tomorrow. I wish I could just express how much you mean to me, but I can't it's just not possible. I can't tell you why I love you, because it's not something I had to think about, it was just so easy. Everything about you, makes me smile. The way you walk, that way you laugh, how you smile over silly things. How you try and convice me your okay, when i know your breaking down inside. Your such a beautiful girl ____, inside and out, don't you ever forget that. I'm so proud of you, cause I've seen you grow up. I'm proud of every little thing you've done, and I'm proud to say you were the best friend i was so blessed to get. And i'm okay with dying, becuase even though I'm about to lose you _____, at least I got to know you, and the thought of never having you in my life, is worse then imagining losing you. Your the best thing thats ever happened to me. And your going to make it big in this world ____, i know you are, I believe in you. I want you to know _____, your beautiful everbody see's it, your so smart it's hard to even understand, your good at so many things even though you haven't realized it yet, your such a good person, and I have to tell you this cause I know you don't hear it enough. I didn't tell you enough. I wanted to marry you one day ______, i wanted to have kids, and a future with you. I'm sorry that doesn't get to happen. I love you, i've always loved you, and no matter what happens to me, I'm always going to love you, please don't forget that." jackson said holding your face in his hands
"Jackson" you choked out.
Jackson didn't answer he just pulled your lips into his and kissed you with every bit of life he had in him. You kissed him back, the tears not stopping cause you knew this wasn't going to last.
all of a sudden, a light turned on in your house.
"s**t" you said.
"it's okay, go inside, I'll call you tomorrow okay?" Jackson said doing his best to smile.
"no, no I want you to stay" you said looking in his eyes
"I'll be back, I'll come back for you alright?" Jackson said pulling you in tighter.
"you promise?" you said, tears hitting his shirt.
"yeah" he said kissing the tears away.
He gave you one more kiss goodbye and watched you walk inside. you went inside smiling over the kiss for a few seconds before you realized that the boy was going to die in a couple of weeks. You crawled into bed and sobbed threw the entire night praying that Jackson would some how live.
In the morning, Jackson didn't call. You waited hours, so you could arrange to see him so you could tell him how much you loved him back. But he never called, and he never answered his phone. Finally you called his mom getting worried. She answered the phone and said
"______?"
"yeah where's jackson, there's something I need to tell him" you said.
"______, he didn't make it through the night." she said obviously crying.
"wh-what do you mean I just saw him less then twelve hours ago." you said freaking out.
"I know, i know, the cancer just got the best of him" she said upset.
She started to give you details on the wake and funeral dates but you weren't listening, you finally just hung up.
You laid in bed for days untill the day before the wake. You finally got up and grabbed paper and a pencil.
you wrote everything you felt about that boy in a five paged letter. tear marks covered the page. And the day of the wake you slipped the letter into the casket, touching the boy that used to be warm and happy, now just cold and hard.
later that night of the wake you called his cell phone over and over again. Just listening to the sound of his voice, the one you missed incredibly
"hey it's jackson, I'm not here right now please leave a message"
*click*
"hey it's jackson, I'm not here right now please leave a message"
*click*
"hey it's jackson, I'm not here right now please leave a message"
"I love you, jackson. I always did, I always will, and I'll never stop. i miss you, i miss you alot. And I wasn't lying when I said i needed you, i still do. I keep thinking it's you when the phone rings, i know it's silly, i just can't believe your gone. I'm never going to give you up, I'll never forget you, and you can bet everything you got on that alright? I love you, so so much. I'm sorry you never got to hear it." you said into the voicemail before hanging up.
*click*
"hey it's jackson, I'm not here right now please leave a message"
*click*
You were lying on your bedroom floor the tear marks were dried onto your face, you knew he wasn't going to answer, you knew no matter what you did it was way to late, but you just wanted to hear his voice again.
Jackson had been your best friend since sixth grade, the two of you were inseperable. You had told him everything, things you didn't tell anyone else. But there was one thing, that was ten times more important then any other thing you'd ever mentioned. And it was too late now.
You had been had been at a party the night that it happened. You were all playing 20 minutes in heaven, and you stuck your hand into the hat feeling more nervous then ever.
You pulled out a pair of headphones, and Jackson stood up and helped you up with the biggest smile on his face. You two walked into the closet slowly as everyone watched you go.You wore your favorite outfit, your black skinny jeans with the neon green zebra print shirt that Jackson had given you for your birthday a couple of months ago.
"I love your shirt where did you get it?" Jackson asked you smiling his widest.
"oh, well you see, there's this kid and he's the bestest friend I've ever had. He got it for me, doesn't he have good taste?" you said laughing a bit.
"That he does!" he said smiling.
there was an awkward silence between the two of you. you understood why. both of you were alone in a closet standing less then two feet away from each other, in the dark. Everyone outside of the door, had known the two of you were best friends, they were just waiting for a miracle to happen.
"you want to dance?" Jackson asked quietly.
"dance? there's no music" you said smiling
"well you picked up my headphones remember?" he said grinning wider now.
"oh right I forgot. Yeah sure i'd love to" you said blushing a little.
jackson took his headphones back and plugged them into his ipod, he slid one of the ear buds into your ear and played the song "My Heart Will Wait" by Joe Brooks.
He pulled you in close, very slowly, as if he was scared to break you. And he put his hand gently on the lower part of your back and with the other hand he grabbed your hand tightly. You two moved so slowly, and as the song played along you put your head on his chest, and he laid his cheek on the top of your head. And then he pulled away and began to sing a part of it into your ear softly.
"My Heart will Wait, My heart will wait for you, my heart will wait, my hearts gonna wait for you, always."
you've heard the song before, but you never listened to the lyrics closely, and now jackson was singing them to you, and they had alot of meaning behind them when he said them.
"I whisper goodbye, I swear it's not for the last time.I know it's not easy.It's not meant to be easy." he said as he pulled away from you and faced you straight on now.
"_____" he said to you taking his hand out of yours and putting it on your face rubbing his thumb gently underneath your eye.
"yeah" you said nervously.
"we need to talk" he said a choking sound comming from his throat.
"is everything okay?" you asked worried.
Jackson didn't say a word, he simply just took your hand and brought you outside of the closet. Everyone looked at you two in shock, but jackson didn't even look at them, he brought you out of the house and fast. Everyone seemed to be going by in slow motion.
When the two of you got outside, he started running, and you chased after him the best you could. He slowed up, grabbed your hand and ran along with you. you ran through a couple of trees and you finally ended up in this huge field, with mountains on the other side. In between the mountains was the moon, the biggest you've ever seen it.
"wow" you said out of breath now.
"I know" he said, breathing heavy
he grabbed your hand again, and lead you to the center of the feild, and sat you down next to him.
"___?" he said
"jackson" you said quietly.
"your my best friend." he said looking into your eyes.
"your my best friend too" you said tears comming to your eyes, you wanted it to be so much more.
"you know i'd never hurt you right?" he said seriously.
"yeah" you said looking into his eyes.
"what i'm about to say ____ is probably going to hurt you more then you'll ever be hurt" he said with a tear sliding down his cheek.
"it's okay, jackson" you said feeling scared.
"no, it's not okay." he said shaking his head.
"whats wrong" you said tears forming in your eyes.
"you're not going to forgive me" he said looking at the moon.
"you know I will" you said seriously.
"i'm sick, ______" Jackson said after a long pause.
"how sick?" you said tears comming out of your eyes faster now.
"very sick. I've got a couple of brain tumors ____, i didn't know till last week, I had a siezure when i got home from school." Jackson said looking at you now.
"well don't they have treatment for that? I mean people of survived from that right? Jackson your strong, you can live it" you said desperate for an answer.
jackson began to shake his head. "I've decided not to get any treatments."
"Why not, I mean don't you want to live? don't you want to see more of this life?" you said frantically.
"_____" Jackson said looking deep into your face.
"I've seen it before, I know what treatments can do to a person. So I've decided to live, because i don't want my last couple of weeks, to be spent in a hospital ___ I just don't want to go that way." jackson said putting his face in his hands.
You stood up now, looking at jackson like he was crazy.
"weeks? what do you mean weeks?" you said half screaming.
"the cancer wasn't caught quick enough ___. it's to late. They gave me three weeks at most." he said tears comming out of his eyes.
"No!" you screamed at him.
"No, your my best friend, you can't just be gone" you said tears filling up your face.
Jackson stood up too and tried to hug you but you pushed away.
"Live jack, please, I'm sorry if it sounds selfish, but I NEED you, i need you here, you can't just die" you said sobbing now.
Jackson moved toward you, but you turned around running. You ran as fast as your legs would carry you, hoping that running would make this whole thing disapear. You ran all the way to your house, but you fell apart before you even got close to the door. It was late, and your parents were home, but you laid on the front lawn not caring anymore.
Jackson, all of a sudden was sitting next to you, and pulled you into a tight hug, holding you close to his warm body.
"I'm not scared of dying, _____. I know people can move on after I'm gone. I know you'll be okay in the end. Dying would be a thousand times easier if it didn't mean leaving you. I'm so sorry ____. I wanted so much more then this with you. There's so much I had to tell you _____. And it's all to late, i took to long, and now I can die at any moment. And i can't leave this earth, i can't leave you, without you knowing exactly how I feel about you." jackson said still holding you close.
"then tell me everything" you said still crying hard.
"I love you, _______. I love you more then I thought I could, then i thought was possible. You made me a better person, you really did. You taught me what it was like to be truly happy. I wanted more, _____, i wanted more then three weeks to have a life with you in it, more then just a best friend, Hell ____ i don't even know if I'll wake up tomorrow. I wish I could just express how much you mean to me, but I can't it's just not possible. I can't tell you why I love you, because it's not something I had to think about, it was just so easy. Everything about you, makes me smile. The way you walk, that way you laugh, how you smile over silly things. How you try and convice me your okay, when i know your breaking down inside. Your such a beautiful girl ____, inside and out, don't you ever forget that. I'm so proud of you, cause I've seen you grow up. I'm proud of every little thing you've done, and I'm proud to say you were the best friend i was so blessed to get. And i'm okay with dying, becuase even though I'm about to lose you _____, at least I got to know you, and the thought of never having you in my life, is worse then imagining losing you. Your the best thing thats ever happened to me. And your going to make it big in this world ____, i know you are, I believe in you. I want you to know _____, your beautiful everbody see's it, your so smart it's hard to even understand, your good at so many things even though you haven't realized it yet, your such a good person, and I have to tell you this cause I know you don't hear it enough. I didn't tell you enough. I wanted to marry you one day ______, i wanted to have kids, and a future with you. I'm sorry that doesn't get to happen. I love you, i've always loved you, and no matter what happens to me, I'm always going to love you, please don't forget that." jackson said holding your face in his hands
"Jackson" you choked out.
Jackson didn't answer he just pulled your lips into his and kissed you with every bit of life he had in him. You kissed him back, the tears not stopping cause you knew this wasn't going to last.
all of a sudden, a light turned on in your house.
"s**t" you said.
"it's okay, go inside, I'll call you tomorrow okay?" Jackson said doing his best to smile.
"no, no I want you to stay" you said looking in his eyes
"I'll be back, I'll come back for you alright?" Jackson said pulling you in tighter.
"you promise?" you said, tears hitting his shirt.
"yeah" he said kissing the tears away.
He gave you one more kiss goodbye and watched you walk inside. you went inside smiling over the kiss for a few seconds before you realized that the boy was going to die in a couple of weeks. You crawled into bed and sobbed threw the entire night praying that Jackson would some how live.
In the morning, Jackson didn't call. You waited hours, so you could arrange to see him so you could tell him how much you loved him back. But he never called, and he never answered his phone. Finally you called his mom getting worried. She answered the phone and said
"______?"
"yeah where's jackson, there's something I need to tell him" you said.
"______, he didn't make it through the night." she said obviously crying.
"wh-what do you mean I just saw him less then twelve hours ago." you said freaking out.
"I know, i know, the cancer just got the best of him" she said upset.
She started to give you details on the wake and funeral dates but you weren't listening, you finally just hung up.
You laid in bed for days untill the day before the wake. You finally got up and grabbed paper and a pencil.
you wrote everything you felt about that boy in a five paged letter. tear marks covered the page. And the day of the wake you slipped the letter into the casket, touching the boy that used to be warm and happy, now just cold and hard.
later that night of the wake you called his cell phone over and over again. Just listening to the sound of his voice, the one you missed incredibly
"hey it's jackson, I'm not here right now please leave a message"
*click*
"hey it's jackson, I'm not here right now please leave a message"
*click*
"hey it's jackson, I'm not here right now please leave a message"
"I love you, jackson. I always did, I always will, and I'll never stop. i miss you, i miss you alot. And I wasn't lying when I said i needed you, i still do. I keep thinking it's you when the phone rings, i know it's silly, i just can't believe your gone. I'm never going to give you up, I'll never forget you, and you can bet everything you got on that alright? I love you, so so much. I'm sorry you never got to hear it." you said into the voicemail before hanging up.
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