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View User's Journal

Meh Journal... read if you like.
I usually post bits and pieces of my work as a writer. Check it out if you're interested. Occasionally I'll input some stuff about what's going on with my life or ask for inspiration or encouragement, so look for that too!
Life really sucks sometimes.
Especially when you're like me. Have you noticed, Tori, that whenever I'm with you, I barely talk, but whenever I'm with other people, I'm all ******** hyper and s**t? Idk, but I have. And it annoys me to no end... I'm all shy around you, and I don't know why. Every time we're together and I'm not saying anything, I try to wrap my arm around your shoulder or curl my fingers through your hair in some desperate attempt to let not only you, but myself, know that I don't mean to be inattentive, and that I truly do wish to communicate with you more. I think that with you, all I can think about is love, and that is why I'm always so timid around you... The only things I want to do are...well, lover-things.
Which makes it hard. My mind is always focused on those kinds of things, instead of simply being your friend every once in a while [especially when our friends are around]. And I guess I just don't know how to turn regular friend-things into lover-friend-things, like I should. That would make it so much easier on me... whenever we're sitting outside or whatever, and you're drawing or something and I rest my head on your shoulder, I feel like you don't want me to, or it makes you uncomfortable or something.. so it's hard. And I never know what to say, because...well, I guess it isn't exactly shyness, I'm just ignorant of what I should do when I'm around you. All I can think about is what I want to do, and what I want to do doesn't seem appropriate for the situation...
And I feel like you don't want to be around me... whenever I try to invite you over or suggest we go out and do something together, you seem very unsure about doing so. So whenever I think about trying to ask you out or whatever, I think about how unsure you've always been and I guess I get scared that one time you might say no or that you don't love me or something... and that hurts, because in my heart I know you never would...

I guess I just wanted to get this out, I hope you've read this Tori because I think it would be best if I communicated this to you, instead of keeping it to myself, because that only makes things worse...
I hope that if you understand this, you might be able to help me make it easier on myself and hopefully it will be easier for us to have fun together and talk and stuff? Since you have an idea of what I feel inside whenever we're together...
Ugh, I don't know, but... just.... just always, always, know that I love you. You will always be in my heart. You can talk to me about anything, ANYTHING, and I swear I will never tell anyone if you don't want me to. I'll help you as best I can with whatever problems you have, if you're depressed or disappointed about something, mad, whatever, I don't care. You can trust me. If you need to cry, you can have my shoulder, if you need to talk, my mind is open. If you need to be loved...well, that's my number one desire anyway. If you need to let out stress or anger, you can take it all out on me. I just want you to be happy. And I'll do everything in my power to make sure you are. Because I do love you.
So, so much...~





 
 
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