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*Title is dripping with sarcasm*

So, it seems that I'm destined to have a crappy life for the remainder of the Summer. I'm procrastinating way too much on a Summer Reading project I SHOULD have started on the very first day of Summer Vacation, and I have a little less than two months left to read and annotate *heavily, I might add* three books with a certain theme and keep track of a columnist for two months and take notes on their style and crap. I have about 5 art requests to do but have been procrastinating on those, too, and now I'm not so sure that I can complete all those requests during the summer if I also have to get busy on my Summer project thing, and well.....something to note, for those of you who haven't noticed; I only come online on Gaia during the summer. I never (or hardly ever) come online during the school year. So...yeah.

But wait, there's more to the crappiness~

It get's crappier and crappier. On Friday morning (like, at around midnight to 2:00 am kind of morning) I got really mad at a new friend of mine over something that happened, and now I feel bad about it. Things are good between us now, but I can't help but feel that I've damaged the friendship when it hardly even started and still new. I can't help but feel like he's weary about me now, like he might be scared of talking to me or else he might do something to make me mad again. I dunno, I just feel crappy about the whole thing....

On Saturday, I was moody most of the day long. Especially at night. I just felt so alone and ignored, or like a terrible friend for not having much to say lately. I broke out crying three or four times that night, the first time was for no apparent reason, the other times.....I dunno, but it started when I was talking on MSN with Kitty, but we weren't really having much of a conversation.......

And this is just FANTASTIC. Today, Kitty and I had planned to go to my neighborhood pool today, and we had it all planned out for a week, but guess what? She couldn't come. Her mom procrastinated too much in talking to her dad about it, and now she couldn't come and crap. So, I got upset, and it set off a series of events leading to today's all time worse event to happen in the past week.

1. Kitty's parents procrastinate about talking to each other regarding her coming over.

2. She ends up not coming over, despite the fact that we had this whole thing planned out and crap.

3. I get upset and in a bad mood.

4. My dad, somewhat being insensitive to the fact that I'm incredibly disappointed and upset by today's turnabouts, tells me to go take a bath so that we could maybe go somewhere, like the Mall, to get some fresh air, or the store to buy some cat litter.

Even though, um, excuse me, he says this SECONDS after I tell him in a upset tone that Kitty's not coming over. Oh, gee, thanks, I'm really in the mood to be going outside.....

5. I do the stupid thing and argue that I don't want to go anywhere today and I most certainly don't want to take a bath so early in the day, 'cause I like taking baths at NIGHT, NOT in the day unless I have somewhere important to go.

6. I argue, my dad argues, my mom yells at my dad to try to get him to understand what I'm saying, my dad continues to argue with me, Etc, etc., etc.....

7. My mom, apparently getting a call from work earlier about whether or not she can come in today, decides to go to work to get away from all the stress.

8. My dad comments about "not having privacy," 'cause it seems like her work ALWAYS calls her to come in and stay an extra hour or two, or to come in on a Sunday or a holiday and crap, then my mom gets mad at that, thinking that he's talking about the whole thing with the guy she kept calling everyday for, like, 6 months, especially when she's at work, 'cause I guess she thinks my dad's suspicious if her work REALLY DOES call her in that often or if she's just lying to get out of the house and secretly call that guy.

So they start fighting, again, about the whole incidents, about she did this, he did that, you did that, well you did this, that kind of thing......

Some doors were slammed, curses flown at each other, my dad questioning my mom if she wants him to leave so he can just leave right now, etc., etc., etc......

Worse still; my mom came home an hour or two or so ago, continued fighting with my dad, and now my dad's taking his stuff from their room and supposedly "moving the stuff downstairs into the garage." My mom yells at him, saying that he's lying and that in reality, he's taking his stuff and moving out, even though she's trying to get him to stop and stay here for the good of me and my brother and crap. My dad keeps telling me "No, I'm not leaving, I'm just moving the stuff in the garage. You have to believe me," but honestly? I don't, I flat out don't believe that he's just simply moving ALL OF HIS CLOTHES AND THINGS into the garage, just to place things there.

In other words: if my dad's lying, then it means that my dad has chosen to leave me, my brother, and my mom.

As you can imagine....I've been crying practically all day long because of today's events. It's not enough that I have a guilty conscience about everything else, OH NO, NOW I have to have THIS on my mind and crushing my heart.

So, not only have these problems been bugging me, but so have several dreams lately.....

Specifically, in the past week, I've had two, as I call them, "Death Dreams." In the first one, my older brother gets killed in a car accident, and the whole dream just has a numb and empty sensation to it....one that bothered me quite a bit, to the point where I almost believed the dream was real, in that surreal kind of way, when something happens to you that's so bad you honestly cannot bring yourself to believe that it's true and yet it is kind of way. A day after that, I had another dream, one where apparently, after my family returned from what appears to be North Korea *I dunno why, though, I just vaguely remember that we were in North Korea in my dream. ~_O*, me and my dad are the first ones to go inside my home, and we're inside the kitchen and then my older brother comes and stabs my dad in the back, killing him in the process, then goes on to butcher up his body and tosses the body parts away, with throwing my dad's head into the trash. And all I do is stare, speechless about what's going on but not doing anything about it. Then my mom enters the house, asks why there's blood on the floor, and my older brother then goes on to say that he "accidentally" killed him with his gun *Like, the trigger was accidentally pulled and it shot my dad in the back or something* and that he went and buried the body. My mom then just goes on to say that she can't believe he's gone, but at least he's in a better place, and fails to see that my older brother is lying and that he purposely killed my dad, even though my dad's head is RIGHT in the trash.

......I know, it's a very twisted dream. Why do you suppose I was so disturbed by it? I don't even want to know what the dreams meant, but that last one was just so....gruesome, compared to my past death dreams so far......

But yeah, as you can see.....I've just had a stressful week, mostly this weekend and crap...... ~_~