Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Today is the day before I go to my 4 day camp. I remembered that my friend still had my tennis shoes over at her house so I decided it was best to pick those up since I will be hiking up at camp. Also I wanted to pick up the pictures from the dance. You know the same dance I was talking about at the beginning of this online journal.
When I uploaded the pictures on my computer I started to relize somethings. I remember being madly in love with this guy at the first of the journal and how I couldn't stop thinking about him and how great of a person he was. Though after looking at the pictures I start thinking "why did I like him". I mean it wasn't because of his looks but..... ok so I was looking at a picture of us dancing together and what I felt while looking at is was that I even though I was happy I was thinking of other things. It looked as if I was satisfied with the dance and also satisfied with him. You know its one of those things where you have a taste of it and though you really loved and enjoyed it your done with it and you can walk away without turning back.
I mean the thing is if I were to see him again well more of I wouldn't want to see him again. For the most part I just want to leave it on a good note and be done. Even if I saw him I would want to walk away and make sure he didn't see me. Not out of embarrassment or anything but, more of is that I am tired of reminiscing in memories. I can't just try to relive memories and expect him to go along with it. The other thing is that memory might mean lots to me but, to him it could have been easily tossed aside like any other unnecessary memories.
I hope to eliminate all the crushes I have on people. It just makes life easier for me so I can focus on more important things like sports and school. The only two crushes left are....

1. a very confusing crush that I want to continue but, know not to for my own good.
( I have stopped talking to him and got him to leave me alone though I still want to call and talk to him and such but I know its best not too. So I have been doing my best. Wish me luck. )

2. The unbreakable crush. I have liked this same guy for almost 3 years now. It seems like I always end up falling for him. Though I will have to find a way to break it. I mean even though I don't know his feelings entirely since they are confusing I am pretty sure that my liking for him is one-sided.... and well if it is a one-sided love it is destined to stay one-sided.... Right??

confused