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crying Brandi had to go home today... it was so painful to have to see her go. I've been crying so much my eyes look like I got beat up, and the area around them hurts to be touched... but my heart is what really aches.

I suppose I should fill you in on a few things first. First off, plans have changed, and now I will be moving down there as opposed to Brandi moving up here. This is because of several things we've both learned about my mom that tend to put stress on a marriage. Like calling for help with just about everything.

But anyways, lately mom had been piling the stress on like crazy, to the point where every night Brandi and I would go hide out in the basement. So things haven't been so hot with mom. In fact, sometimes she really pisses me off. Really really really pisses me off.

But anyways, this is mainly what prompted our change in plans. The current plan is to move down there this summer, get married, and get a job to start building a life together. Although we have a standing plan B that states that should I be unable to take stresses her any longer, I'm gonna run off to Texas right away...

Anyways, the last couple of days have been painful for us both as we anticipated today... mucho crying all around. But they can't compare to today... everything I see in my house reminds me of her... it's unbearable to be without her after spending so long with her by my side, waiting for me when I get home.

I can't stand to be in my bed... I always go to right beside the wall, because that was my side of the bed... then the empty space next to me makes me want to (and usually does cause me to) cry, because I know Brandi isn't just in the bathroom or getting a drink, and she won't be in shortly.

I can't stand to go into the basement... just the sight of the couch we shared so often during our little hideout sessions and such is gonna put me over and make me cry again.

We both cried like crazy at the airport, standing at those doors I wasn't allowed to pass through.. I wish I could've waited with her at the gate, but that's not allowed... I watched her the whole way and when she was out of my sight, I turned and leaned into the wall and cried some more.

Then I walked faster than Gav or Mom all the way to the car, got into the backseat, and laid down. Guess what I did then. Brandi left me one of her favorite shirts, since it was the one in the first picture of her I ever saw. It's one of the few things of her I have until I can once again hold her in my arms... god I miss holding her and kissing her and stroking her hair and cheek..

It's gonna be really hellish having to spend all this time apart but I think I can stand it... it's just gonna be really painful for a while. I'm gonna call sometime tonight when she'll likely be off her flight to make sure she's all right. I'm a little edgy because there's some kinda ice storm or whatever near her town and she wasn't able to reschedule... her parents had called and tried.

But anyways, things should be okay. I just feel miserable. I'm sick on top of it, so I'm having a real great time... we had a lot of fun together, and I can't wait to be with her again... it's almost impossible to stand being away from her...

Anyways, I have some assignments for school I need to get done for tomorrow, so later all.

crying ~ Shea ~ crying

Edit: As if to pile stress and worry onto my already weary and taxed mind tonight, I tried to call Brandi when we agreed I'd call her to make sure she got home alright, and found out they canceled her connecting flight and won't give her a hotel room. They've given her an alternate flight into a different town still near her home, but it won't arrive until sometime the next morning. Her mom and brother will then drive in and pick her up.

I'm so worried now... I tried to call the airport to page her, but so far haven't gotten anywhere with that particular endeavour.. I hope things are all right. I wish I were there with her... it makes me very anxious to think that she's all alone there... and probably just as anxious too.

Update: Brandi made it home safe and sound, and I'm so wonderfully relieved.. It was great to hear her voice over the phone, although I'd prefer to speak to her in person... Anyways, that's all for now.