Captain amBEER
A fic Amber is too lazy to title right now
which may or may not be continued, depending on Roxasmuse and the acquisition of a Xionmuse
which may or may not be continued, depending on Roxasmuse and the acquisition of a Xionmuse
Sometimes he snuck out onto the fire escape to smoke, clear his head. It was more about the lighter and less about the cigarette; Axel didn't enjoy smoking, didn't even like smoke, hated it in fact, but you know the old saying about smoke and fire. He liked fire; something about the way it danced made him calm inside, made him feel strong and ready, like he was on top of things--and what Axel really needed now was to feel in control.
He tossed the butt over the rail of the escape and played with the lighter, letting it flicker and almost singe his fingers as the chill wind washed the cigarette scent away--didn't want Xion to find out, she worried too much (though she probably knew, she was so observant). She shouldn't have to worry about him or his health, not with her own medical problems.
Doctors, ******** 'em all. "Sons of bitches," he snarled into the wind, eyes shut tight. None of them even tried to help, just said nothing to do and recommended hospices. Axel didn't understand how they could look her in the face and tell her she was dying and they wouldn't even try to ******** heartless bastards, all of them.
But no way, Axel and Roxas weren't going to leave her in some soulless white building surrounded by death and just wait it out. He sighed into the wind and this time when the flame jumped it did burn his fingertips, but he didn't care. Better than the nagging cold--he was failing her. Every doctor just said the same thing, but they weren't the right doctors, weren't that prissy blond a*****e--and s**t, that was crazy; that was why he had to smoke on the fire escape in the snow, because he was putting all his faith, all his hope, staking half his goddamn heart on the ******** insane chance that somehow he'd find the guy with the answers, a guy Axel dreamed up. But he knew the guy was real, knew the guy was ice cold and just about as flexible, knew he was a p***k, knew they'd hate each other instantly--but if Axel could find him, he'd save Xion, and that would be worth it--worth anything.
He slipped back into the apartment and wasn't all that surprised to find Roxas waiting with two cups of hot chocolate and dark circles under his eyes; Axel had his cigarettes and fire, Roxas had hot chocolate and insomnia. "Thanks kid," accepting the cup and ruffling Roxas's eternally messy hair, a sigh the only protest--Roxas was tired, too tired to put on airs or make a fuss, and it twisted somewhere deep inside Axel.
"She's sleeping," Roxas said before Axel could mention his own lack of sleep, turning towards the couch. "She said she didn't need the pain meds tonight."
Pills, shots, every day, IV drip when it got real bad, but never a complaint, always the same sunny smile.
"You gave 'em to her anyways."
"'Course I did--I could see her wincing when she thought I wasn't looking."
"Good." Axel joined him on the couch, draining his cup; it was lukewarm by now, but any sting from heat would have been welcomed. "She needs her rest. Speaking of which," he added, relieving Roxas of his almost empty cup, "you need to get some sleep, kid. If I gotta carry you like a baby and tuck you in myself, I'll do it." Roxas just gave him a stony glare, but with his pale sleepless face he didn't quite manage his usual laser-esque accuracy.
The glaring contest ended when Roxas finally blinked and looked away, siging, "Fine," before slowly standing and heading off to bed. Axel lingered on the couch for a moment before picking up the cups and heading into the small kitchen to wash them. On his way to bed he checked on Xion; the soft beep of the monitor and slow rise and fall of her chest was a small comfort--as he climbed into bed, careful not to wake Roxas who was finally sleeping, he thought, There's still time, I'll find him; there's still time.
His dreams wouldn't tell him he was searching the wrong places.
