Please Don't Leave Me
1:42 in the morning, and Rise awakens to find a gap. Perhaps it's the strangeness of the third missing when she's grown so used to a crowded bed. Perhaps it's because Voxden is such a blatant presence, squishing Zoey between them and reaching around as if he can cling to both of them with legs sprawled every which way and his chin rested on Rise's head. Perhaps it's just coincidence. But nonetheless, she wakes up. Slashes of moonlight are stretched across their bed and neon numbers wink in a dark corner. Zoey's breath slips across her collar bone.
A bit of guilt wells up when Rise untangles the smaller woman's fingers from her nightgown. A tired whine makes its way out, and Zoey curls in on herself, too small and frail in a bed meant for three. After running her finges through that soft hair, Rise sneaks a large stuffed cat in her place. Distantly, she recalls how someone from Fair Game had won it for Zoey. Its presence certainly seems to calm the other down and Rise tiptoes out with a relieved sigh.
Their apartment is a bit bigger than the one Zoey used to have with Xandra and most certainly bigger than Voxden's dorm room. Besides the minuscule hallway with doors to both bedrooms and the bathroom, the rest if fairly large, with a big den and a nicely sized kitchen. Leading out from the little space past their table is a balcony. Past its sliding door, she sees a certain redhead sitting there, legs crossed. Sliding open the door, she leans against the frame. "Hey there, Vox. Aren't you sleepy?" No answer, and the teasing smile falls from Rise's face. While he's not the most... 'refined' of personalities, Voxden's always been relaxed and prone to wisecracking, especially in the most inappropriate of situations. To have him quiet... Silently, Rise goes over to him and bites back a gasp. Tears and blood are mingled on his cheek. The fingernails on both of his hands are red with blood, but only one of his wrists has crescent shaped wounds to match the ones on his face. "Voxden!"
Slowly, he blinks. His stare is blank as he looks up at Rise. It's obvious he has barely heard her words by the way he responds. "What...?"
Her fingertips are gentle as she brushes the hair away from his face. Faint moonlight shines off of the still wet blood. "Why did you do this to yourself?" This isn't the first time, after all. Still, she'd thought they'd gotten past this; his self destructive behavior had only ever manifested when he thought he had to 'choose' between her and Zoey. He hadn't understood the seriousness of his wounds then and Rise suspects he still doesn't now, as if he expects himself to just magically heal.
Dazed bemusement flows over Voxden's face and he looks down towards his bloody nails and wrists. Hesitantly, he wipes the blood from his face and stares at that as well. Tears are still welling in his eyes. "...It's..." A cracked laugh bursts from his lips before they twist into a grimace. Shaking violently, he digs the heels of his palms against his eyes. "********!" The manic laughter continues, shattered by his own sobs. Without another word, Rise wraps her arms about him and tugs him to her so that his head rests on her chest. Tears leak past her nightgown's flimsy silk.
In the harsh lights of their bathroom, while she dabs antiseptic on his cheek adn bandages his wrist, eh clumsily spills his thoughts.
"********' horrible dream. ********' wreck. 'Zo's in it, right, but she's a guy but that ain't no big deal but he's leavin' or a-a-absorbed or disappearing or-or-! [********], I was all alone and I couldn't ********' find you, either. Like someone dropped a bridge on you."
"Shush, Voxden." She cups his cheek and presses her lips against his forehead. When she pulls away, he still staring at her with wide and frightened eyes. "It was only a dream. It wasn't real."
"It sure felt ********' real." His lips suddenly stretch into a too tight and wide smiles; it reminds Rise of shattered glass held together with nothing but cheap tape. "Even when I killed myself."
Something twists painfully in Rise's heart. "Don't say that." Placing their foreheads together, she repeats herself. "Please don't say that. Come here." Carefully, so not to aggravate his wounds, she takes him by his hands and pulls him off of the toilet. He follows after her with all the dependency of a lost puppy. It's not far to go; their bedroom is only a few steps away. After pushing him down to sit on the bed, she wraps her arms around him from behind and rests her cheek against his hair. Together, they silently watch Zoey in her sleep.
The stuffed animal is still tightly in her grasp, arms and legs keeping it close. Since her lovers' absence, the sheet has become tangled about her feet and her face is wrinkle din a frown. She is entirely unaware of the two sets of eyes watching her.
Rise squeezes Voxden once, briefly. "See? She's still here. I'm still here. We haven't left you." Voxden only leans back against her chest and wraps his fingers about her arms loosely. Soon, she guides him back to bed. This time, she keeps him between her and Zoey.
Somehow, in the end, they fall back asleep.
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