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It's been a while since this has happened and for that I'm fairly happy. I've been talking with different people, namely Sikona, Pinkee and Silent Flame. Many thanks to them for keeping me up far past my bedtime with interesting talks. I've also been getting out and attempting to jumpstart my life. I recently came to the realization that there's nothing in my life that I've done that's very memorable. After my breakup with my ex I realzed that for almost the entirety of 2005 I spent almost every spare moment playing World of Warcraft. And to what end? Now I'm bored with it. One year of my life down the shitter. Way to go, Red. :B The only problem comes when none of your friends, online or off, are available. What do you do then? You sit on your a** doing nothing. XP And that's where we pick up my story.

On another note, a friend of mine from high school IMed me and was more or less complaining about her current relationship. This I'll give her. I've never been one to stiffle complaining, especially from her. I want to help. She and her, well I suppose fiance, do nothing but spend time together. They have no other real friends and he's starting to wear on her nerves. I figure, well they only went out for about TWO MONTHS before he asked her to marry him, maybe this just wasn't meant to be. They both apparently want to make it work, but she said she was afraid the breakup would "shatter his soul". Now that sounds to me that one of the reasons she's sticking around with him is because she's afraid of the damage she'll do to him post-breakup. That just isn't healthy. That is the worst reason to stick around ever. She also told me that she blames her relationship problems on her first boyfriend and all the s**t he put her through. I'll grant her that he did put her through a lot of s**t. He's my best friend and I know both sides. He knows he ******** up and he doesn't really expect her to ever forgive him, but blaming ALL of your relationship problems on something that happened at least 2 years ago just isn't fair. Is it not up to you to deal with your own issues? I'll grant that scarring does happen, but people are different. You can't honestly expect someone to sympathize with you when you do nothing but blame everything on one person. You're able to heal. It's tough, but attempt to get over it. You can make your own decisions and who is at fault more, the person who hurt you, or you for letting that hurt drag you down for the rest of your life? I feel the blame shifts. Initially the blame belongs to the person for hurting you, but it is up to you to learn from that. Heal. Grow. Become a better person. She took this rather hard when I said she was using it as a cop out and that she needed to get over it. She said I needed to get over it too and then either logged out or blocked me.

For those of you who may not know, I had a breakup roughly four months ago. In my opinion she kinda tore out my heart and stepped on it. She told me that I didn't know her. Those kind of words hurt. I was pretty down for about three months, but I did some thinking. I know that the person who I fell in love with wouldn't have said those things. She wouldn't have used me to satisfy her lust. She wouldn't have led me on for three months and she sure as hell wouldn't put a ******** video game before me. I came to the conclusion that the girl I fell in love with was long gone and she was replaced by a person that I obviously don't know. I've come to accept this and have ostrasized her from my life, in short. It's tough, I still miss her at times, but that's how I deal with it. My friend who talked to me about her fiance has done the same thing to her ex who did all kinds of s**t to her yet she still hasn't learned from it or gotten over it. It can't be healthy. The sad thing is that not too long ago I would have told her something in almost the exact same language and she would have listened to me and considered what I said. Now we have sadly grown farther apart and she doesn't want to listen to what I see. I honestly can't blame her but it does make me kinda sad.

Anyways, I suppose the moral of this story is to never loose track of your friends... or live life to the fullest.. or something. I'm not too sure. All I know is that I'm still damn bored on a saturday night only now my forearms hurt from typing so much. XP

Note: If you read this, my friend, I love you to death and hate to see you like this. That's the only reason I say the things I do. I want you to be happy. If your current path makes you happy, which it doesn't seem to, then I apologize. I was just offering my views on the issue. I respect your decision no matter what and I'm sure you'll acheive your dreams no matter what happens. You're too stubborn not to. <3