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The steady drip of water from the overhanging pipes echoed throughout the underground tunnel. Reg adjusted his hat. The costume got a little cumbersome at times but it was always fun messing with the cameras. His feet splashed in the interspersed puddles while he moved the hanging bits out of his face. The Joker may have been done before, Reg thought, but there's no purple suit here. He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand and cursed inwardly. Pausing momentarily to inspect the back of his hand he sighed with relief. Good thing I sprang for the waterproof make-up this time. He cackled madly and began to skip along the tunnel, his assumed character of The Joker beginning to take over his consciousness.

As he skipped he shook out his long arms and legs in order to limber up for the task ahead. His skinny frame looked perfect in the blue and white outfit he'd made for himself. He stopped to admire his reflection in a puddle of water on the ground. The grinning visage of The Joker stared back and Reg and they laughed aloud together. The makeup as perfect as could be, The Joker cartwheeled himself to the end of the tunnel and looked up. The moonlight that filtered through the grate made his white makeup light up. He breathed in the night air and lowered his head laughing again.

"Showtime..." he grinned.

The Joker took three steps back leapt foward onto his hands, and pushed the ground efortlessly. The grate flew up and out of his way as he landed above ground on his feet and pirouetted. His eyes turned towards the large antiquated museum to his left. At suprising speed The Joker tore over the wide grass area and leaped atop the large stone wall. A whirring to his left caught his attention and he smiled at the camera before smashing it in with his small rod.

"And now for my next maneuver..." The Joker said seriously as he stood on the edge of the wall with both feet together. He raised his arms directly in front of him and said, "A perfect Swan Dive." He bent his knees and swung his arms back behind him, then swung them foward as he jumped. His arms spread wide and looking straight ahead, The Joker began to descend headfirst towards the concrete below. He brought his arms together above his head and tucked into a ball and tumbled across the paved pathway and into the bushes next to the museum's marble walls.

"The judges all score him a perfect '10'! Except for Transylvania.. who gives him an '8.5'," He giggled maniacally. "And I didn't even lose my hat. Ha!" The Joker stood up and peered in through the window next to him. Within the building was a large room containing his prize. "And to think I'm only a few yards distant from being rid of this fool... It's almost too good to be true! Heeheehee." He pressed his face to the window. "Well.. that's why I have you, my lovely." The Joker caressed his rod lovingly. It had a miniature likeness of his head engraved on the top, complete with hat and slightly elongated nose.

He fished within his cloth shoe and pulled out a small suction cup which he fitted onto the ball on the bottom of his rod. He placed the suction cup on the window and placed the head of the rod against the glass so that the nose was pressed against the window. The Joker then slowly moved the head in a circle around the suction cup, shuddering at the sound of the glass being cut. After several passes he lifted the three foot in diameter cut of glass out by the suction cup and laid it gently on the floor.

Taking several steps back, The Joker once more executed a nigh impossible handspring through the hole in the window landing easily and bowing to the judges. "And would you believe that I never took Gymnastics in high school? Ha!" Reaching into his body suit through the neck, he withdrew a small powder kit and began inspecting his face. "Hmmmm.. seems we do need a little touch up," he chuckled. After liberally applying powder to his face, The Joker blew into the kit and filled the area in front of him with a white cloud illuminating the sensors. Satisfied with his work, he puts the kit back in his suit.

After jumping up and spinning once, The Joker performs a series of cartwheels, somersaults, and backflips before landing at the base of the display case. He shudders in anticipation and runs his hands gently over the surface of the glass. "Oh, my lovely.. I've been waiting for too long t-" Glass shatters above and The Joker feels the shards bounce off his hat. His eyes shoot upwards and he sees a man descend from the skylight, suspended by a cord. A fraction of a second later a black painted face stares him in the eye.

"Who da ******** are you?!" the man whispers.

"I should be asking you the same question, good sir. However, now is not the time for introductions. I need to be making off with my package," The Joker gestures to the case. "Now, if you'll excuse me.. "

"Oh no ya don't," the man hits the back of The Joker's hands with the butt of a knife. "This here is my heist, ya see? Besides," the man chuckled slightly, "I don't think I could live with myself is a freak like you beat me to it."

The Joker's face contorted into an unusually frightening scowl. "Now listen here, my dear Thief, this is MY package. I need it. It is no mere 'heist' but a matter of my own personal welfare that I procure this package with all due expediency. So BUZZ OFF!" The Joker pulled a stiletto knife from within his rod and pressed it to the Thief's throat.

"Woah there!" The Thief held up his hands. "I was only foolin' about the freak bit. It's just a little unusual for a-uh.. thief to be wearin' a getup like that. Heh." The Joker's eyes narrowed.

"Just give this to me and we'll both be on our respective ways."

"Wait, what about we partners up? We could haul in twice the loot and I see you're quite the thief to be able to get in here undetected without any real gear on ya," the Thief said. "So whaddya say?" The Joker broke into a wide and manic grin.

"You just don't get it, do you? The whole reason I'm stealing this is so I can rid myself of my unfortunate hanger-on. I don't need another friend."

"Hey, you're trying to get rid of me?!" Reg said. "If I'd have known that then I wouldn't have let us do this."

"Quiet, you cur!" The Joker yells. "This will become my body and you will die. It's as simple as that."

"I won't let you have my body!" Reg cried as The Joker's hands involuntarily smashed the glass case with the rod. "I'll just destroy this!" The Joker's hands grab the jewled statue and hold it above his head.

"No! Not after all I've done! I won't let you ruin it!" The Joker yells back and fights to cradle the statue under his arm.

"Umm... listen," said the Thief, "it looks like you've got plenty of pals in there so...." he pressed a button on his vest and withdrew back through the skylight.

The Joker began to step back clumsily as he struggled with Reg over the statue. Their arms faught and tore the statue back and forth, up and down.

"Why can't you be a good little whelp and just die like you're told?!" The Joker said.

"There's no way I'm letting you take over my body. Not after all I've done for you!" Reg shouted back.

"And you think I haven't," The Joker grunted, "done anything for you?! I've brought you riches, fame, and women that you couldn't dream of before I came along. I did everything for you and now you won't even do one little thing for me?"

Reg laughed as he fought. "Yeah, dying is just one little favor." He pulled the statue around as they backed towards the window. "We wouldn't be having troubles if you'd just keep me around."

"Ha! Didn't you hear what I said to that idiot thief? I don't NEED another friend. I'm just taking what's mine!" Glass shattered all around and stopped their feud as half a dozen SWAT members burst into the museum.

"Drop the statue and put your hands on your head!"

"Can't you see we're busy?!" The Joker and Reg said together as they resumed their struggle.

"You have five seconds to stop what you're doing and lay on the floor!" The SWAT man yelled. Reg and The Joker continued their struggle.

"You're getting weaker Reg, I can feel it!" The Joker said victoriously. "Now just be a good boy... and... shut... up!" He pulled the statue into his abdomen and held it greedily, ceasing all other movement. He looked around as if expecting Reg to appear from one of the walls as a smile wormed it's way onto The Joker's face. "Ha! He's gone!" He turned towards the SWAT members. "He's gone! That idiot coat-tail rider is gone!" He exploded into maniacal laughter once again. "I finally get to take what's mine..." He stared at the statue.

The Joker held it above his head exhaultedly. "Mine!" A gunshot rang out within the halls of the museum and The Joker doubled over, still clutching the statue. He brought it into the crook of his arm as he fell onto his side. There The Joker lay, in a pool of his own blood caressing the statue. With his final breaths The Joker silently repeated, "Mine... mine... mine... mine..."

(Inspired by "The Package" by A Perfect Circle)