Ramblin' 'Bout m'Life b'Fore I Die.
Granny, that's a terrible thing to say!
Kid, I'm [counts fingers] three hundred billion thousand trillion zillion years old. S'bout time I kicked the bucket.
Kid, I'm [counts fingers] three hundred billion thousand trillion zillion years old. S'bout time I kicked the bucket.
I was a darlin' baby, wasn't I?
No, grandma. You looked damn awful.
I wholeheartedly agree, actually. I was GHASTLY then, I'll admit.
I mean, look at m'face when I was two. It's the face o' bloody murder!
But who could blame me? When I wanted something, they'd coo, "No, no, naughty, naughty!" Then when I wanted to cry [what else could I do, yell [******** YOU, TALL PERSON?], they'd shove a rubbery teat-like thing called THE PACIFIER into m'wailing mouth.
Cue pissed expression.
I was quite the lady. With ketchup smudges swathed o'er m'mouth and a regal crown of burrs, I reigned over my toy kingdom with an iron fist.
I was the curious child. That's the, not a.
For an example. I used to catch butterflies and hammer 'em down with nails on my dad's desk. Then I'd cautiously get a pocket knife and cut their wings one by one.
Grandma, that's not curious. That's violent.
Mind'ye I was 4.
All the more -
- and then I'd proceed to take its head, abdomen, and thorax to m'best friend, Petunia the spider in the garage. I watched the former butterfly expire from beginning to end. It was very interesting.
Mommy, mommy! Ain't I SMASHIN'?
Heavens, child! What did you DO with your hair?
M'elemetary school years.
M'junior high school years.
M'high school years.
Good times. Good times.
Well, one day, as I was walkin' to college [yes, I did graduate from high school], a fashion designer company manager came up to me and asked if I wanted a job. As a model.
No. I'm not interested.
Fifty dollars a week.
You're on, baby.
You're bluffing, grandma. I can't imagine you as a model.
Shut up, kid. I was ravishing those days - jus' that age has worn m'down like a rag doll.
After the contracts were signed, I got a personal manager, make-up artists, a driver.
And cash.
Mmm. Granny liked.
Grandma, you were lucky. It isn't like that now.
A'ight, y'smarty. You're right, things like the economy were easier back then - you're pretty 'nd the next thing you know, you're on TV. It's harder now with all the comp'tition.
...
But I was gorgeous.
Those were m'days.
Then THAT'S when I met m'hubbie.
Let's just say...
... Love is a strange, strange thing.
When I met 'im, he was the man o' m'dreams. Polite 'nd damn sharp.
We were the two peas in a pod.
He was fine durin' the weddin'...
Couple o' years later...
WHERE IN HOLY RAGNAROK DID THE 'HAPPIEST COUPLE' GO?
I don't know what got ov'r m'mind that day when I firs' saw 'im. Now, he's just plain disgustin'.
How is grandpa now, grandma?
He died. 'Couple o' months ago, 'ctually.
So here I am!
Knittin' y'all sweaters 'nd lingerie.
'Nuff 'bout me. Tell me 'bout you, young'un.
Community Member
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Myself?
Well.
When i was a child i trained day in and day out swinging wooden swords at threes and practicing on grown men, always winning of course even at a young age, my best friend whom beat me in every battle died and i sad faced over that for awhile, i got her katana and use it to chop people up. :l
I became a bounty hunter because i was broke, needed a head start on my swordsman career, got myself inna mess with the law, and was tied to a cross... ( I was jesus wannabe. not really.)
then a blumbering idiot came along and made me join his pirate crew.
I said No, he said yes i said no he said yes i said no he said "I'LL GET YER SWORDS."
And i said.
Yes.
..SO, I WAS STRUCK DOWN BY THE GREATEST SWORDSMAN IN THE WORLD AND GOT A MASSIVE SCAR 'CUZ OF IT.
.. And, now doing the same thing i do today train .. Train More...nearly work myself till exhaustion in fights, Win.
Fight with a shitty cook....
..Live
THAT'S 'M LIFE,