A while back, there was this one commentator who asked me if I was emo. The comment is probably still down there, I just haven't looked at it in forever. Up until tonight, of course. It made me laugh a little, seeing as how I wasn't even remotely close to that. True, I'm a little moody at times, maybe a little insecure and depressed but I'm really not emo. The whole cutting thing doesn't work for me. I mean, I do have a high threshold for pain, but I just don't like cutting because I don't heal as well as everyone else does. I scar, and when I do, it doesn't look all silvery and beautiful as books usually describe scars to be. It is a mark of my stupidity, childishness, and everything else I want to forget.
It's been at least 4 years since I've updated my profile. I felt the need to change it because it didn't fit anymore,the same way a bib does not fit a teenager or college sweaters to a mere infant. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've grown up--quite a lot, that is. I'm still pretty angry, for reasons I can't explain myself, but I've learned to do lots of other things. Put others first. Care about my baby sister. Make sticky buns. And all that other good stuff.
I'm growing up, as odd as that sounds. Back in the day, I never thought it possible that I would abandon playing in the sand and throwing a tantrum when I didn't get what I wanted. It's amazing how far I've come. I hope the progress picks up soon, though. Because highschool won't be forever and I don't want to be the one left standing alone when everyone else turns to leave and get one with life.
I'm not saying that growing up means that I've got everything figured out. No. I still can't decide what my major will be in college. I can't decide what to wear in the span of 5 minutes. I can't decide if a guy likes me or not [I'm guy stupid. razz ] I can't even decide if I want to get married and have kids one day!
All I know is that even though I can see that I'm growing up now, I still have a lot more growing up to do. It doesn't just stop here. I know that someday, I'll have to shoulder more reponsibility, and not just that of the ones that come from my actions. Things will have consequences, and when I make the wrong decision, those will hit me hard. A day will come when there will be no one left for me to lean on. I will be alone. Everything, everyone else I love will be standing behind me...watching, praying that their years of guiding me won't go to waste. And I will stand there, sweating and fidgeting just to make the right decision....to make all of them proud of me.
But for now, I'm happy to say that I've broken down the six-foot wall of crap surrouding this butterfly's inner being. I can see what my capabilities look like, and what they can truly be once I emerge from my little coccoon. Truly...it is a metamorphosis. One that I will keep a close eye on from now on till the end of my life.
It's been at least 4 years since I've updated my profile. I felt the need to change it because it didn't fit anymore,the same way a bib does not fit a teenager or college sweaters to a mere infant. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've grown up--quite a lot, that is. I'm still pretty angry, for reasons I can't explain myself, but I've learned to do lots of other things. Put others first. Care about my baby sister. Make sticky buns. And all that other good stuff.
I'm growing up, as odd as that sounds. Back in the day, I never thought it possible that I would abandon playing in the sand and throwing a tantrum when I didn't get what I wanted. It's amazing how far I've come. I hope the progress picks up soon, though. Because highschool won't be forever and I don't want to be the one left standing alone when everyone else turns to leave and get one with life.
I'm not saying that growing up means that I've got everything figured out. No. I still can't decide what my major will be in college. I can't decide what to wear in the span of 5 minutes. I can't decide if a guy likes me or not [I'm guy stupid. razz ] I can't even decide if I want to get married and have kids one day!
All I know is that even though I can see that I'm growing up now, I still have a lot more growing up to do. It doesn't just stop here. I know that someday, I'll have to shoulder more reponsibility, and not just that of the ones that come from my actions. Things will have consequences, and when I make the wrong decision, those will hit me hard. A day will come when there will be no one left for me to lean on. I will be alone. Everything, everyone else I love will be standing behind me...watching, praying that their years of guiding me won't go to waste. And I will stand there, sweating and fidgeting just to make the right decision....to make all of them proud of me.
But for now, I'm happy to say that I've broken down the six-foot wall of crap surrouding this butterfly's inner being. I can see what my capabilities look like, and what they can truly be once I emerge from my little coccoon. Truly...it is a metamorphosis. One that I will keep a close eye on from now on till the end of my life.
