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Right now, I have so many opinions on life, that I just don't want to have. I don't want to be around anyone anymore. All I want to do, is be in this ball, this safe little ball that protects me from the world. Cause I know I can't take all thats happening. I feel as if I'm going to burst into a million pieces, and each piece will be one word of every word I've said and people haven't heard. All the screams that no one listened to. I'm tired. I can't be perfect and I want people to get that. I want people who think they know me, to get to know me. I'm tired of being judged. And that isn't something I am. I'm tired of the people who know and I tell everything too, to stop hurting me. Even if unintentional, they know how I look when I get hurt and they don't even care, they turn around and laugh. It keeps going up and down and then a sudden turn that seems to drag on and on. And I can't seem to take it any more. I'm in this long endless rut. I can never see my little sister being a nice person, or good in school. I was always on my school work. I got it done, and I take so much pride in it. Thats the only thing my parents have ever said good job to me on. I can never see her listening to her elders. See her making good friends and decisions. I see her life as a long empty hell. And as much as I try to help, it just doesn't work. This wasn't even going to sound like a note of my death. No this was just going to be my different opinions on my life right now. And everything in it.
I think my so called best friend and I are through to be honest, I'm ready to delete her, and move on. My dad said if we ever made up, she can't come over. I laughed a little.
I want people who sit at our lunch table, who we don't even like, we didn't even invite. To just go away. They made it they're job to keep me away, and it bugs me.
My homecoming dress who likes me way to much! Is completely clueless. I told even your tie color. He was going to get a whole suit. W.T.F?
No at all can say they know how I feel. And everyone tells me something different. And taking it all in...its so hard. One thing and another push against each other. Today was not a good day. I just want to be in a hole.
I need to talk to someone who will just listen to everything. Face to face. And then afterwards, not say a word to try and comfort me. That's be great.
-Tiffany