Friday night:
where does the prof get all these lists from?
seriously, it's the only thing we ever do in comm is make lists of stuff... about communication. O.e
tests are interesting with them... xD
peanut butter m&m's are the most amazing things on the planet.
so is coffee~~
not together, of course, but yeah... :]
even curled my hair tonight for the concert. took damn near 45 minutes to get it looking awesome, and not ONE comment on it. T.T
also, it's back and stronger than ever. -.- seriously, this is ridiculous. think i finally figured out it's something along the lines of I don't really want him as my own, per se, but the thought of having someone to think about is probably why.
in a sense??
*shrug*
college is full of handsome young would-be casanovas. xD seriously, in the jazz band alone I was picking out my top... five... out of, like.... fifteen...
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Saturday morning:
got it DONE. the test, anywho. put it off until I started it at 11-ish, worked on it until 1:50 am or so (because I was texting my sister and taking occasional facebook breaks haha), got up again at 6 to type out the legit thing, went back to bed at 7:30, now I'm up again.
oh happy day.
55th 10-12, nap and homework, then there's some sorta all-campus girl's night going on or something. pretty stoked, actually: haven't felt very girly in a while.
besides worrying about my hair, that is. the curling last night, at least.
IT LEGITLY LOOKS LIKE I'M GRAYING.
T.T
i cannot wait for new dye. One more week!! too long.....
probably haven't had new dye since this summer. so, it's time. xD
i feel my "secret" is going to be betrayed very quickly now... *le sigh*
already told a bunch of people about it, but I don't think they believed me lol.
also on the agenda this week is getting back to the gym! after last week's chaos, I'm excited to have enough time to go. 3nodding the time off hopefully also helped to heal my shin splint, which has been doing quite a bit better than it had been.
did a bunch of stretches last night, am really sore today.
thingy tonight. paid two bucks for it, sure hope it's worth it.
excited for spring break. ready to get out of here.
gonna take a different road home, so I hit up dub-town on the way to pick up some stuff.
like money 8]
Expecting a lot of money to be deposited once I'm home.
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Saturday night:
WE MISSED THE GODDAMN DAIRY PRINCESS CORONATION. *fuming* yeah I know our royalty live oodles of hours away from home, BUT DAMNIT I WANTED TO GO.
BUT I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT THE FREAKING THING UNTIL PICTURES WERE UP ON FACEBOOK.
-.- less than pleased.
WOP thing tonight was fun, made a thingy for the hair and an ornament-type thing, played a lifesize version of Candyland, had too much puppy chow, painted my nails and two other girls', did some awesome yoga, and had a meaningless talk with some peeps instead of deep stuff like we were supposed to. then we skipped out early. xDD
sometimes I wonder why I'm at where I am. I mean, this was THEE first college I found when i started my search back in sophomore year of high school; i've probably looked at 15 other schools besides this one... only to end up here.
looking out onto a parking lot from a dorm room in northwest iowa, hearing college-aged chatter down the hall, sitting in darkness except for my desk light because one of the roomies is in bed with a headache and the other is out watching goddamn Doctor Who.
I still play the What-If game. What if I had gone to a public university someplace a little more secular than this forsaken corn field? What if I was friends with different people? What if I transferred?
all to no avail. it was a lot of work getting here, so I'm gonna stay. I have it all planned out, no use ruining my plans now. Plus, when you really think about it, all colleges are essentially the same; why not stick with one you're comfortable with? this place feels like a community, and because all of these people (well most, anyways) WANT to be here, they're like me.
I don't know.
it's not like "I HATE IT I WANT TO GO NAOW."... it's just, still a hugenormous switch for me. most of the kids here went to private school. they know nothing of how the rest of the world operates.
now I'm on their side of the street.
maybe I made the wrong choice. maybe somewhere along the line I really goofed, and this is what I get. dissatisfaction with my friends, confusion about the college environment, feeling like I'm having the wool pulled over my eyes about everything, and just in general wondering if I made the right decisions.
thighs are also very bothersome lately. I've been getting very conscious about them this past week, and it only gets worse when i stand in a room where THE ENTIRE WALL IS A GIANT MIRROR. burlglkjndawslkdfjas.....
but my waist? super tiny compared to it. tried on a dress in a mall the other weekend; it was a 16, and the top was too big. but it fit fine in the hip range. -.-
case in point? nothing fits.
anyone I meet, my hips are wider than theirs (by a LOT), but my waist is smaller.
which makes royalty fun because G is more block-ish than I am, so while we're both the same size, technically I'm smaller on top and only have to wear the same size as her to compensate for my bottom half.
discovered another pear-figure in our wing. except hers is specifically around her butt; mine's just my thighs. Lord help my pompous attitude if I ever get anything close to a butt, because I'll be celebrating like crazy. xD
so yeah. just thinkin' about some things, I guess.
it's the simple things in life you have to watch out for, those bits of color. the things that always make my day are the header on my hotmail account (it always changes! and I love the theme, too: it's a lighthouse and a boat. sometimes the lighthouse is shining in darkness, the boat's close or far away, sometimes there are fishies, sometimes there's stuff in the sky... it's just totally awesome!), having a good conversation, a good dessert, or a good laugh. there's a gazillion other things, and i wish i could remember them all...
livin' my life in a slow hell
stuck between two worlds, neither of which I feel I belong to.
taking the world a step at a time, seeing what has happened and what may yet still.
already regrets about the future.
more than enough regrets about the past.
my life?
I don't know.
i need something to spin my world on its head.
because I don't know how to change this current situation.
slow heaven, slow hell. same difference.
I can't look at what I have while I'm lying at the foot of my dreams.
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Sunday afternoon:
hey there, sexy beast. I totally saw you in church after I've been seeing you everywhere anyways, and i found your name. I can call you such a sexy beast because your facebook pictures are... sculpted... and you're personality is such that I don't have an ice cube's chance in hell of even holding a conversation with you, so I can window shop biggrin
hehehe, i love the student directory. ridiculous how easy it is to find information that you probably shouldn't know. xD
nap time now. bible study at 4, supper at 5, then do the paper due tuesday. monday and tuesday study for huge test on wednesday, this whole time do some miscellaneous stuff that i want done before spring break...
which starts at either 11 or 12 Thursday. dub-town by 3, home by 4:30.
then chill for a couple days, then weekend activities, then monday re-dye and job search, tuesday and wednesday chill with shioko and amanda, thursday and friday probably job hunt and chill some more, more weekend activities, then head back the following monday. ^^
seriously, if some random stranger reads this, they're pretty much getting a very accurate picture of all of me... xD sorry it's so long. but this for my own private usage, and i just so happen to like sharing my thoughts with the world, especially when the world doesn't listen.
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