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Dear Haiku,
It has been so long since I have come back to tell a tale about my journey into self discovery. This place holds many memories.. both good and bad.. and you have been there since the beginning. Through all my trials and errors, my self-doubt, my fears, my rage, my sorrows, always... you remain faithful. There have been many who have come and gone in my life. Some due to having used me up.. later to discard me when my love and care no longer satisfied...some became like a drug in which I needed rehabilitation from because the attachment I had to them was killing me inside, and others...who left the world to go into another... and then there are the few who remain.
This place was once my wonderland. My place to escape from the world outside that was filled with judgement, prejudice, and criticism... I was bourn here, to live out a reality that I wanted to learn and explore... I came with pure intentions, but overtime, the growth and continuation of being here, has corrupted those said intentions have been replaced with bitterness and loneliness. I realized this was no true sanctuary, and I met with the same problems only magnified. I am beaten down, broken hearted, disgusted, and numb all at once....that was a lie... that is how I used to feel.
Life has presented me with broader perspectives of things. In this world love is a disease and an addiction people catch, and once immunized it's gone, until they relapse or catch it again with someone else. Love in this world is an illusion. Self love is a reality, and often times paired only by one's unhealthy and altogether consuming narcissism...their need to always be first, to always be better devours all morals and overrules compassion.
Loyalty is met with deception... a smile comes with dark intentions, and a gift given comes with a hefty price tag.No I am not cynical, the blindfold has been removed is all. With all this said, that does not mean I haven't had amazing memories. My time with family.. as a peculiar little sister dipped wild roses in a bowl of chocolate and ate them...to sparring matches with strong and competitive comrades near the riverbed. I have had beautiful moments, and those I will cherish and keep to memory. The rest, I can surely do without.*laughs softly*
The friendships I still have, I will hold onto for dear life... to the ones who stood by me through it all and continue to be there... I thank you... and I love you. You all continue to fuel me with hope, and it is because of you, I am not completely anti-social and I have not lost sight of who I am inside. I have made many mistakes.. and to those I have hurt with my actions or words... with all sincerity I apologize.
When a girl becomes a woman... maturity is established and they can admit to their faults and make change and apologize. With that maturity comes with learning to forgive those who have wronged you also.With that, I release you. All of you. May you be well, may you have found happiness... and even if our paths never cross again, I wish you all the best. I forgive you, therefore releasing you.I bear you no grudges... be at peace... I release you. I release you. I release you.
I continue to grow... and change... keeping the best parts of me, while eliminating old and horrible qualities.... now I have reached another point of metamorphosis.Not just spiritual..but.. physically... and because of this... for those who read my entries..for those who bother coming here to see my written words... it may be a very long time before I return... my physical state is fragile.. and needs to be restored.. so in time... I will become much stronger than I was... do not be sad for me. If you love me, pray for me that I will be able to handle this change. If you don't know me and am not sure what to say or do, that's okay. For the passer byers.... keep on passing by.Things happen for a reason. Although we may not always understand... in the long run, perhaps it was a good thing..at least that is all one can hope for.
People can change..for good and for bad...if I can bestow any words to help encourage and enlighten someone... be good to one another. Love each other. Take care of each other. And don't abuse people's kindness and take advantage of their weaknesses. The world can thrive and blossom into something beautiful if we all learned to love each other instead of finding ways to destroy each other. No no... this is not a goodbye.. only a temporary departure so that I may be healed so that I can heal others. Peace and Blessings.
Sincerely
-ブルー ]
 Aoi Utsuki · Mon Jul 16, 2012 @ 07:36am · 0 Comments |
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