My father is dying of brain cancer and as I type, his temp has been spiking up and his blood pressure is low recently.. We might have to call the VA if it gets worse..
A hospice center is helping us but in the meantime, it's really just me, my mom, and my sister. My half sister, who lives five minutes away. wont come over to see the man that saved her from a relentless wife-beater. My half brother is worse with his Jesus loving, robot-like ways. I'm catholic, but that jerk takes it too far.
Now me, I'm sick with mono, and I have been since the week of the AC3 midnight launch/Halloween.
I have a crap-ton of social issues, depression, anxiety, and this all accumulated over time due to excessive bullying in middle/high school.
During my senior year, I just said, "Screw this, I'm getting my G.E.D." so I did. Did it really fast and was able to get into an online college class to get further into the IT business.
I stopped taking those classes to help take care of my father. Only 19 years old and I'm his secondary caregiver.
Most days, he doesn't know who I am.. I just don't know what I've been doing wrong if I am in fact doing something wrong..
Everything kind of sucks right now.. God knows I can't get into the holiday spirit since this time last year is when my dad was showing symptoms of the cancer. The three of us, my parents and I, spent Christmas last year, alone.. None of our family members called to say, "Merry Christmas"
You know what? NOTHING has changed since then! My relatives are so freaking distant towards us more than ever!
April 1st of this year, on my 19th birthday, I KNEW something was wrong because I wanted to go out to eat for my birthday. He was just lying on the couch, saying he didn't want to go. I'm such a loser.. I should've just ordered out or something, I feel so stupid..
April 9th is when he was diagnosed and April 11th is when he headed into surgery.
I waited at home and kept thinking, "Damn it Dad.. You survived Prostate cancer, you can do this.. You still need to see the Avengers with me.."
Those doctors gave him two months.. It's been real hard, too hard.
My mom and I know for a fact that he doesn't want this.
His dad had to be in a nursing home for a long time due to his severe war injures from Vietnam. Had to wear diapers and all of that. My dad begged my mom to not let that happen with him. Well.. It's happening.. Hospice gave us a hospital bed, a bedside commode, a walker, a wheelchair, tons of helpful things.
I already lost my Aunt Candy to lung cancer.. My dad was with his dear sisters deathbed while the damage to years of smoking came into effect. His mother, my grandma, drank herself to death because of the death of her child.
I don't know what to think anymore.. I think I just had to share my story..
Please do not take pity on me. I'm so tired of people pitying me..
Support and the love of friends is what I need most in the world right now..
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Schizofennec Community Member |
The Irish Otaku
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As for your dad's memory, that isn't your fault. As far as I know, you are not doing anything wrong. Cancer does that, just like Alzheimer's. There's nothing you can do once he starts forgetting things like that. Your dad is in there somewhere and if he's outlived the two months the doctors gave him he is a fighter.