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Hey! Happy day before Valentines, and then happy Valentines just in case I don't get on tomorrow! I made cute little letter to people xD I gave them a cheesy pick up line and then a nice letter about how I felt about them and what I thought, although I procrastinate so hadcore I didn't get done with all of them xD Haha~ And then I forgot the candy, and I forgot the most crucial part of a valentine to ask a guy to Twirp xD Lol a motivational speaker came to our school, although he didn't really motivate, he told us about his liffe a little bit since he was a football player and all and how we should stick to commitments, I just thought he was funny xD Hehe~A while ago something happened to me and I just wanted to share it but I didn't like the way I was writing it so I'll have to tell you some other time. Remind me kay? xD
So to the title of this journal entry, my life. My life doesn't really change, I've kinda got it memorized, one good day, which so happened to be Saturday, but then the following days for however long it wants to be are long and bad and make me tired and want to cry. Diane will still be a hypocrite, Ann Marie will still be a brat, dad will still be bipolar, and mom will still be clueless. Honestly I feel like I sound like the world is constantly against me, but you have to go through it to know it too. People just don't understand, people lie. They say I'll always be there, but they go around and are the source of your pain, you realize you're alone. You forgive and forgive and forgive but one day that get old and you're done forgiving. I've hit the point to say I forgive you, but I don't really and I don't really forget either. But then these people come back to you searching for help, and this person to sits and listens, and screams inside at how much the thoughts and memories are coming at her sits, and listens with a willing smile. Is that what I've been shaved down too? The answer is yes, I don't know how long I can handle this. I've already commited myself to the promise not to inflict self harm, not to kill myself, but it's that point. The point that gets to you. I don't have anyone to let myself go too, when I get upset or something happens I find myself wondering who I could tell, who would listen long enough to hear everything? No one, the answer comes down to no one and I'm stuck crying in a pillow, hugging a stuffed animal under the covers so they think I'm asleep. I wish I could tell you guys what just happened I wish, but I can't. The time, the explaining, the painful words I'd have to hear again just to tell them to you. I'll tell you the outcomes though. A bloody nose, and a red cheek. A throbbing head and a shrinking relationship. I wish, I wish, I wish! Ugh I wish a lot...of things...but God won't grant any to me. Because frankly, maybe he hates me too...
Tiffany