Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

While I understand many people don't visit me these days I should note that getting something off my chest here is as good as anywhere until I find myself a blog.

It would seem as though screwing me over has become a hobby or game to a select group who I opt to let close to me. Twice now I have aided people in restoring their ruined lives to a point where they can function properly and twice now I have been discarded without any good explanation for another individual. Once because she was stoned and he was there and now because she screwed up and he was there.

While I understand that I am by no stretch perfect myself it occurs to me immediately that what I did in the past to my closest friends and relations was completely and utterly wrong to do and something that today I regret with the utmost contempt. Had I known I was to be merely 'used' in such a way I would never had made the options I did and while it is regrettably too late to alter what has happened now I feel a strong need to apologise to those who I hurt in this process. As such, I am sorry.

While I find myself struggling to believe I can trust anyone outside those who I already do - and share my completely baffled reaction as to the happenings of my several year-long relationship coming to an abrupt end for reasons I nor any of my friends (both male and female) can explain - I do feel a strong sense of regret.

It is said that if you love someone you will do your best to overcome all obstacles and for seven months I actively tried to mend our wounded relationship. It had not fallen too far and a simple misunderstanding and a little talk would have solved all problems. Instead I was to be replaced and yet it was not me who was the instigator of the problems plaguing our relationship. I should have been forgiving and after seven months of tension I was more than happy to have it all behind me but instead she had met someone else during the arguments and fallen for him. While she continued to pour fuel on her own fire she decided that he was better than me. To be fair he probably is - in a manner of speaking; she and he act alike we both did before she began all the senseless fighting which she herself now takes blame for now that she is with him.

I guess the point I should be making is that I should have never made the option I did way back when. Had the relationship worked out, obviously I would never say that. I did what I did for a reason right?

Oh well.. Hindsight is 20/20.