I'm trying my hardest to not make this seem like it's calling one single person out or not. Technically isn't. But a few apply to multiple people around me.
If you make some kind of plan, and I hear it / or am involved. Do it. Don't say it to make me or somebody else happy or anything like that. If you can't honor your own word how does that make you look? Like a hypocrite (especially when you complain about others never doing what they say), like a liar, see how none of those are good?
They just make you look unreliable and untrustworthy. It reaches a point where your word is about as good as the last sheet of toilet paper in a taco bell bathroom.
I actually speak on this out of experience, hell ..I'm sure everybody has somebody close lie to them. Like I doubt I really need to add an example, but sometimes those help the most:
-To give up a sick habit you had.. Then no more than months later go right back to doing it, or back at it hardcore. (Thanks, to the man I had to call "Dad" most of my childhood. It took the man plenty of losses before he realized what was really at stake.)
-To promise you wouldn't do something bad anymore, then going back to it to support your habits. (Once again, shout out to "dad", stealing from his family being an example of this. I know it looks like the first example but they're pretty different in my eyes.)
-To say "you and I should only -do something- on a certain day" and go against it. Even going great lengths to cover your tracks.
-To promise somebody you'd see them, make them wait around forever and never show.
-To promise somebody you'd stop hanging around somebody else, (one reason or another, too many to list. I'd be giving people back stories if I did.) then sneak around and still do so. (Happened thrice so far, sometimes you can't let go of petty jealously, and sometimes your friends can't see the real person they're friends with. Either way, it's wrong to make or be forced to make a choice between friends. Losing somebody I really didn't want to lose as a friend. One too many times.)
-To promise somebody you'd eventually talk to them about something and never do so. (Also kinda insulting you think they'd forget this in awhile. If it matters a lot to a person, they'd remember. Or why else would they even ask in the first place?)
-To say you'll send somebody something and never do so. Few people fall into this category. Most importantly a family member lately. They're unable to travel but promised me they'd send something I was genuinely interested in about half a year ago. (It's November when this was added.)
-To be tricked into breaking your own promise by somebody's game. You got me good J.G.M. I will never call you by your name again, you quit being my friend years ago, don't know why I held on so tightly to what was left.
If you can't live up to a promise or rule you try to set up, why even suggest it?
Some of us don't have problem with remembering, some of us let these broken promises make us bitter and resentful. Sure it's sounding like a lecture, I just wanted to put this out here.
But why change for anybody, but yourself? I'm completely aware this entry is view-able, don't care about the feedback (if any, I did this for myself). I got what I needed to say off my chest. Educated some curious viewer on a few personal things even. But to me, I can only trust a person based on their word. I know I'm not the only one.
If you make some kind of plan, and I hear it / or am involved. Do it. Don't say it to make me or somebody else happy or anything like that. If you can't honor your own word how does that make you look? Like a hypocrite (especially when you complain about others never doing what they say), like a liar, see how none of those are good?
They just make you look unreliable and untrustworthy. It reaches a point where your word is about as good as the last sheet of toilet paper in a taco bell bathroom.
I actually speak on this out of experience, hell ..I'm sure everybody has somebody close lie to them. Like I doubt I really need to add an example, but sometimes those help the most:
-To give up a sick habit you had.. Then no more than months later go right back to doing it, or back at it hardcore. (Thanks, to the man I had to call "Dad" most of my childhood. It took the man plenty of losses before he realized what was really at stake.)
-To promise you wouldn't do something bad anymore, then going back to it to support your habits. (Once again, shout out to "dad", stealing from his family being an example of this. I know it looks like the first example but they're pretty different in my eyes.)
-To say "you and I should only -do something- on a certain day" and go against it. Even going great lengths to cover your tracks.
-To promise somebody you'd see them, make them wait around forever and never show.
-To promise somebody you'd stop hanging around somebody else, (one reason or another, too many to list. I'd be giving people back stories if I did.) then sneak around and still do so. (Happened thrice so far, sometimes you can't let go of petty jealously, and sometimes your friends can't see the real person they're friends with. Either way, it's wrong to make or be forced to make a choice between friends. Losing somebody I really didn't want to lose as a friend. One too many times.)
-To promise somebody you'd eventually talk to them about something and never do so. (Also kinda insulting you think they'd forget this in awhile. If it matters a lot to a person, they'd remember. Or why else would they even ask in the first place?)
-To say you'll send somebody something and never do so. Few people fall into this category. Most importantly a family member lately. They're unable to travel but promised me they'd send something I was genuinely interested in about half a year ago. (It's November when this was added.)
-To be tricked into breaking your own promise by somebody's game. You got me good J.G.M. I will never call you by your name again, you quit being my friend years ago, don't know why I held on so tightly to what was left.
If you can't live up to a promise or rule you try to set up, why even suggest it?
Some of us don't have problem with remembering, some of us let these broken promises make us bitter and resentful. Sure it's sounding like a lecture, I just wanted to put this out here.
But why change for anybody, but yourself? I'm completely aware this entry is view-able, don't care about the feedback (if any, I did this for myself). I got what I needed to say off my chest. Educated some curious viewer on a few personal things even. But to me, I can only trust a person based on their word. I know I'm not the only one.
Just hit "Send".
So here lately, I've been stuck on debating whether to send something to a few certain people or not. I got it all drafted and am finally happy with how it'll read. Yet when push comes to shove, I stop myself from sending the message or even bringing it up. There's three people right now this applies to, not that they frequent this site. (Heck one of them quit this place and I've already stated I'm glad for them on that choice). But I wont use names and it'll be vague.
Common Ground Person - This person has been there for me since a break up. So when I lost one pretty great person in September of 2013, this person I'm talking about now became the person I tried to talk to everyday. But I feel like if I don't start a conversation with them they wont talk of their own choosing as much. I understand they have their own life, as I do as well. So I don't take it personally when there's silence, I just miss them. They've helped me through some issues earlier this year (2014), issues that I probably wouldn't have made it through on my own as well as I have. So I kind of got a bit attached. I've never been more excited to talk to somebody over the phone as I am with, lol. When I get a text I get excited hoping it's them. Lately, I found out they share the same concerns and frustrations I do. I couldn't help but get more attached through the shared common ground we have. So after a recent talk, I've typed something meant for them, but can't bring myself to hit send. Unlike the last relationship, I've taken time to try and know this person, to see how true to their word they can be. But I'm still unsure of so many things.
Panda Rabbits - Panda Rabbits is a different story entirely, another person I thought I was close to, way before dating anybody online. One of the first friends I made even. We could talk about things we couldn't talk about with others. Making me view them as the supposed "dream girl" or how I pictured she'd be. No disrespect towards people in the past but nobody has really lived up to this person, where no matter how I phrased a problem or something on my mind, it made sense, didn't strike a chord, and was discussed in full, not avoided. We had this funny excuse between us that when it rained it reminded us of the other and we'd randomly message each other. Of course sending each other songs or pictures of ourselves/our pets. She ended up moving last I heard, never know what happened after that, since we stopped talking after an incident on May 2014. But of all the friends on here (break ups, friends quitting, etc) her loss hurt the most. It's weird not typing her actual name or the nickname I gave her. Since panda rabbits is probably a generic user name on here.But I don't want to use any of these people's actual names lol... But, with Panda Rabbits.. I keep deleting my drafted messages to her. I'd be a hypocrite to contact her first. (Can't explain) So I'll keep waiting, even if nothing happens.
Bookworm Rocker - Now this person I can happily say I know in real. Sorry, it'd just be creepy as hell if each person on this rant here was some internet person I've never met. I was close to her whole family, through meeting the elder brother. I need to visit them here soon, this one will be the most vague because I can't put into words how much I value them. I've heard one hell of an update when I gave BR a small update on what I've been through lately, and I don't like it. I'd drop anything if they gave the word. "Let's do this", "Get down here, and let's go save so-so from California". I'm just trying to word my reply carefully, I'll hit send on this one, most likely. But speaking without a filter is holding me back, I don't want to seem like I'm doing this on impulse. To them, that's not like me at all.
Already not liking this entry, but it's honestly something on my mind that is bugging the hell out of me. Doesn't feel vague enough.
Common Ground Person - This person has been there for me since a break up. So when I lost one pretty great person in September of 2013, this person I'm talking about now became the person I tried to talk to everyday. But I feel like if I don't start a conversation with them they wont talk of their own choosing as much. I understand they have their own life, as I do as well. So I don't take it personally when there's silence, I just miss them. They've helped me through some issues earlier this year (2014), issues that I probably wouldn't have made it through on my own as well as I have. So I kind of got a bit attached. I've never been more excited to talk to somebody over the phone as I am with, lol. When I get a text I get excited hoping it's them. Lately, I found out they share the same concerns and frustrations I do. I couldn't help but get more attached through the shared common ground we have. So after a recent talk, I've typed something meant for them, but can't bring myself to hit send. Unlike the last relationship, I've taken time to try and know this person, to see how true to their word they can be. But I'm still unsure of so many things.
Panda Rabbits - Panda Rabbits is a different story entirely, another person I thought I was close to, way before dating anybody online. One of the first friends I made even. We could talk about things we couldn't talk about with others. Making me view them as the supposed "dream girl" or how I pictured she'd be. No disrespect towards people in the past but nobody has really lived up to this person, where no matter how I phrased a problem or something on my mind, it made sense, didn't strike a chord, and was discussed in full, not avoided. We had this funny excuse between us that when it rained it reminded us of the other and we'd randomly message each other. Of course sending each other songs or pictures of ourselves/our pets. She ended up moving last I heard, never know what happened after that, since we stopped talking after an incident on May 2014. But of all the friends on here (break ups, friends quitting, etc) her loss hurt the most. It's weird not typing her actual name or the nickname I gave her. Since panda rabbits is probably a generic user name on here.But I don't want to use any of these people's actual names lol... But, with Panda Rabbits.. I keep deleting my drafted messages to her. I'd be a hypocrite to contact her first. (Can't explain) So I'll keep waiting, even if nothing happens.
Bookworm Rocker - Now this person I can happily say I know in real. Sorry, it'd just be creepy as hell if each person on this rant here was some internet person I've never met. I was close to her whole family, through meeting the elder brother. I need to visit them here soon, this one will be the most vague because I can't put into words how much I value them. I've heard one hell of an update when I gave BR a small update on what I've been through lately, and I don't like it. I'd drop anything if they gave the word. "Let's do this", "Get down here, and let's go save so-so from California". I'm just trying to word my reply carefully, I'll hit send on this one, most likely. But speaking without a filter is holding me back, I don't want to seem like I'm doing this on impulse. To them, that's not like me at all.
Already not liking this entry, but it's honestly something on my mind that is bugging the hell out of me. Doesn't feel vague enough.
zOMG!'s End.
This game was a lot of fun to me. When I first joined this place it kept me signing on each day from then on. Made a few amazing friends from this game. Before the gaia market went all inflated, this game and farming PS was my main source of earning gold here. Playing with friends and meeting new people was a plus even. To this day I keep in touch with few of the people I met through that game. I always looked forward to seeing their new avatars in this game or just sitting at gold beach talking with them if we weren't crewing. At some point my internet sucked so I couldn't join as often and couldn't join one buddy and his friends when invited. I'd try for him, but sometimes the lag was too much or I couldn't get past the loading screen. This little entry could go on and on, but I remember near the end of 2013 I'd jump on zOMG and farm just for the fun of it. Most of my friends who played pretty much quit coming to this site daily. It sucks that near the end of the game, I was among the people who thought this game would return. I hope one day they give it another chance or figure something out. But now I kinda imagine this site lost a bit of people with this decision.
EDIT: They brought zOMG! back. I'm keeping this here either way.
New Year's Resolution. (2016)
I'm just gonna take the time to address only one thing I wish I could change about myself lately. I care too much about hearing from certain people. But you'd think with these people messaging me I'd be walking on air, right? I don't know when or how I started to become annoyed by a friend's constant or lack of communication but I really want to change that. It seems petty right now, but I know it's something I need to change.
To That Friend:
I wish we talked more, I wish I didn't have to start a majority of the conversations even. I used to always check messages, texts, my phone when somebody called. Hoping like hell it was you. You helped me through some moments and that's when I really got attached. I think this is something I brought on myself awhile back though, (I can even recall the day pretty clearly). Not that I'm making excuses for others. I can see it, but I'm hoping this isn't the real reason why talking can be so rewarding but a struggle to keep going. Despite all that frustration, and confusion. I hate not talking to you, especially for this long.
Since I said it, the day I'm pretty sure I sent off a bad signal went like this:
I've been acting odd, distant, I was sick and also dealing with personal issues I wasn't willing to talk about with the person I was currently dating (a mutual friend of ours even). That of course worried them, and like a good friend you listened to their worries and even went the extra mile and acted on it. I was at wal-mart, pretty much about clear of the bug/flu I caught. So my slow or short replies were justified. Being out in public and all, my phone comes second if there's something I'm doing and can't stop and reply to every text all the time. Of course, we talked less back then and I jumped to the conclusion you were only checking on me for them, not out of your own concern. I even made that accusation once. But that day specifically, I wasn't my normal self and I gave off something of a vibe that clearly said I didn't wanna talk. For that I'm sorry x.x I also really wish I'd stop beating myself up for it.
Since I said it, the day I'm pretty sure I sent off a bad signal went like this:
I've been acting odd, distant, I was sick and also dealing with personal issues I wasn't willing to talk about with the person I was currently dating (a mutual friend of ours even). That of course worried them, and like a good friend you listened to their worries and even went the extra mile and acted on it. I was at wal-mart, pretty much about clear of the bug/flu I caught. So my slow or short replies were justified. Being out in public and all, my phone comes second if there's something I'm doing and can't stop and reply to every text all the time. Of course, we talked less back then and I jumped to the conclusion you were only checking on me for them, not out of your own concern. I even made that accusation once. But that day specifically, I wasn't my normal self and I gave off something of a vibe that clearly said I didn't wanna talk. For that I'm sorry x.x I also really wish I'd stop beating myself up for it.
Wish I could cash in on this.
I made a few new friends here recently. One in particular I can relate to on a lot of things, they can read me so well in public that it's caught me off guard. I went into this thing, my only goal was to get paid and the experience. Didn't cross my mind I'd make friends. Especially one like this person.
Long story short, I made friends when I tried avoiding it. Part of me doesn't feel this place is my home. Might've been why I took on more relationships online than anything. I knew they couldn't pin me down here, I welcomed leaving this place, and was on the fence about going anywhere but here or back to the south. (How that almost changed is another story.) So yeah, besides the little psycho who tore up my arm, bit me, attacked, and photographed me every visit.. I made some friends. That's only part of the story. I also made friends with this person's girlfriend, who at first and from some stories I wrongly jumped to my own conclusions that she wouldn't want much to do with me or the others. Think I was proven wrong, on this guy's birthday no less. She told me that it was his birthday, if I wanted to wish him a happy birthday. I thanked her, and did just that. Still surprised. Obvious how she got my number, so I didn't question that. Then she proceeds to tell me she wants to plan a weekend where all of us (the group that worked together) got together and did something fun. This leads to us joking about how we both enjoy something, but know very little about it. (Like we know enough) She then tells me something extremely personal. I mean she's known me two weeks less than her boyfriend has. Why tell me? I beat myself up over this, I don't trust as easily. I appreciate her telling me, but I'm confused why she'd tell me.
So, I wish I could cash in on misreading people. Especially when I reach a point with a person where I think they're predictable, or they keep circling back to something. Which is fine with me. Because I'm not a fan of thinking somebody close to me is predictable, normally that ends badly. From a stupid habit, to knowing what I'm in for when a friend is having their own "feels" going on.
Long story short, I made friends when I tried avoiding it. Part of me doesn't feel this place is my home. Might've been why I took on more relationships online than anything. I knew they couldn't pin me down here, I welcomed leaving this place, and was on the fence about going anywhere but here or back to the south. (How that almost changed is another story.) So yeah, besides the little psycho who tore up my arm, bit me, attacked, and photographed me every visit.. I made some friends. That's only part of the story. I also made friends with this person's girlfriend, who at first and from some stories I wrongly jumped to my own conclusions that she wouldn't want much to do with me or the others. Think I was proven wrong, on this guy's birthday no less. She told me that it was his birthday, if I wanted to wish him a happy birthday. I thanked her, and did just that. Still surprised. Obvious how she got my number, so I didn't question that. Then she proceeds to tell me she wants to plan a weekend where all of us (the group that worked together) got together and did something fun. This leads to us joking about how we both enjoy something, but know very little about it. (Like we know enough) She then tells me something extremely personal. I mean she's known me two weeks less than her boyfriend has. Why tell me? I beat myself up over this, I don't trust as easily. I appreciate her telling me, but I'm confused why she'd tell me.
So, I wish I could cash in on misreading people. Especially when I reach a point with a person where I think they're predictable, or they keep circling back to something. Which is fine with me. Because I'm not a fan of thinking somebody close to me is predictable, normally that ends badly. From a stupid habit, to knowing what I'm in for when a friend is having their own "feels" going on.
