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I don't know how much more I can take. I pray that things will be alright this time. Raymond and I had a talk, and it seems that he wants to see someone else. I don't know if its to get over me, or to see if he actually loves me. Right now I don't know. Though I do know that I want to be with him. But he wants to be around other people when I desperately need to be alone with him. Its so hard. My life is nothing but a huge soap opera. And to think that our three year anniversary is on Saturday and things haven't been getting any better.

Does Raymond want to officially leave me then, or does he want to be with me. I don't know. I don't know how many times I have apologized for everything I have done, but it never seems to be enough. I'll give up everything just so he can feel better. I don't want him to die, nor do his friends. We'll be sad if he goes, but he wants to die anyway.

Jen told him that its best for us to have a day together. But he doesn't want it. I got him home for a while, but later we're going out. Back to Jayetta's house so we can do nothing yet again. I want to go outside instead of being in a small room. I get anxious when stuck in a small room, I can't help it. And all to keep me sane is a video game. But that doesn't work.

Its scaring me so much. I want to be with Raymond, but he doesn't know. Karma hurts so much. ******** you karma.

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