I regret touching it now, that God forsaken container. Before I could dream about her, wake with hope that I was some sick child who was going to get help, and that when I did get help, when I got back to normal I could see her. See her smile, feel her warmth, smell her perfume that always made my heart dance, but most importantly... Be with her. Be able to stand by her and know that everything was going to be okay.
It was different now, much different. I could feel its cool, metallic texture under my fingers, I could see it mocking me, and I could smell her perfume. I had to blink faster than usually, because God forbid anyone saw them fall if they did... If they saw me cry, then surely they would cry too and it would start all over again. The walls so carefully built around our hearts would fall, our mask-like smiles that we perfected with an artistic passion would fade, and the pain that we worked so hard to lock away would push its way to the surface.
Now I have to deal with the truth, I have no choice. I go on living everyday knowing that I must carry on without her. I go on living feeling disconnected from the world to prevent my duct-taped heart from shattering again. I go on living wondering why we allow ourselves to grow so close to other. And I know, that if we didn’t no one would ever see the smile that she gave to me.
I'd also like to thank Limouto for all the nice comments<3
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