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Time to talk about my feelings! (I mean MY feelings! :D) |
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It's that time again, folks: Time to talk about my feelings! biggrin
Oh, don't be angry-it happens SO rarely for this being Gaia! biggrin
If a guy is reading this, I highly suggest you peal out like right this second. I'm going to have a hard enough time writing this-think about how rough it's going to be for you to just READ it? XD (Aren't I the considerate chick?)
As for the ladies... ummm, I don't feel comfortable with you holding black mail material against me, but I'll hold no contest if you try to use this against me. On that note, shame on you for even thinking about it.
So, my feelings... Gaia's not so much fun anymore without a regular PMing partner, or even someone I like to talk to regularly online. I'm thinking that revealing my feelings to this guy friend of mine put him off concerning me. XD He hasn't responded to my PMs in a week-what the hell am I supposed to think?
Since I'm not obligated to care, I try hard not to, and sometimes I don't even have to try. Unfortunately, he was a part of my life, and I can't exactly get over that fact very easily. It's like a close family member dying, only I've lost a friendship instead of losing a friend... I think...
>.< Wait, maybe that came out all wrong!
... I haven't 'lost' him in so far as death is concerned, but he is no longer there for me as a friend, it seems.
That said, I've lost a friend...
and that makes me sad...
It makes me sad because I'd hoped that we would be able to still be friends despite the fact that I'd harbored a major crush on him for the past two years. I guess it just wasn't possible for him, in the end...
I know I've over reacted in my journal to 'little things' that just seemed huge to me, but I can't really find an argument against this case and I'll present the facts-uncluttered (I hope) and fair (I think. XD I'm so biased. XD)
He's stopped PMing with me (point one, the obvious point. e_e)
Point 2: No, really. He's stopped PMing with me.
Evidence illustrating this point: I'll ask him in a PM about his day, and at best he probably reads the damned PM but he won't respond-hasn't responded.
Evidence illustrating the truth in Evidence one: ... Okay, in spite of sounding like the crazy stalker girlfriend (In my case, I was never his girlfriend, so you can't accuse me of that. Hah! XD), I read through his archives as usual, and he's been in a usual thread for him, talking a LOT about a lot of personal matters. He should know all too well that anyone can read them, but I guess his thoughts on the matter are really different. Maybe he just sees no point to PMs anymore? I actually really doubt that he wants me to meet the friends he has in this thread, so I haven't bothered to actually post something in the thread.
If it's a case of privacy, I don't want to make anybody feel uncomfortable, least of all the one I once called my friend... (Or boyfriend, as the case may be. XD Hey, I can find humor in this, can't I? They're my feelings, you a** hats! XD)
So in the end it's the lack of communication, the fact that he's telling his online friends things he would tell me once upon a time that he's not only withholding from me on purpose now, but he longer even messages.
For now I will be sad and kind of angry, but really, I'm too nihilistic at this stage to really care beyond the level at which I do. Yeah, I care, but probably not as much as most people would expect me to care. I just miss PMing with a friend and hearing about how he or she is doing, that's all.
Hell, I miss talking to Chii, and to be honest, talking to Chii is a lot better than talking to the guy friend/ex friend/whatever. She's just a real human being and friend to me, especially by comparison to him.
... I miss my friends, in the end. I want to talk to them, be it talk about myself (what little there may be to talk about. e_e YES, I KNOW I have no life-screw you.) or talk about them (HEY! Those are interesting life stories! Bugger off!)
Geez, and I thought it was mostly men who offered that lame "Let's just be friends" and actually meant it.
Man, where the hell do men get off saying that WOMEN are the complicated ones? Yeesh.
Sometimes I really hate men... and women, let's face it. People suck. We have always sucked, and for all we know, we always will.
At least we're interesting... I guess...
... Dear god, please don't tell me that's our ONLY redeeming factor?!
gonk
So, discussion if there is any: friends who decide to just stop talking to you for what feels like no reason, and won't tell you what the reason is because they refuse to talk to you: Has it ever happened to you? Can you sympathize?
Just don't give a s**t? Congratulations: You're probably a deevolved species. I hear the scientists are busy looking for you, darlin'.
By the way, I'm a dudette. You know, in case you haven't noticed that referrence near the top.
I consider this post and nulling everything else.
So, I'm bored. Talk to me, post in the goddamn thread. I'll read your comments and, OMFG! I'll talk back! It's an endless cycle, it's called 'conversation,' though I can't guarantee that it'll be terribly good at 5:44 AM from a liberal Californian who is a total apathetic asswipe when she hasn't slept for twenty hours straight. Bugger off.
 Lyrical Li · Sat Sep 16, 2006 @ 09:45am · 0 Comments |
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