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Undress me(emotionally speaking! Emotional strength speaking |
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Alrighty, I'll make my decision here... I don't hate him... but I have to say, he's off my favorite people's list for being a*****e-ish to me. >.<
However, I can't really force myself to hate him for some reason. Oh I dunno, maybe it has to do with the fact that we were FRIENDS for a good three years before he went AWOL. >.<
Seph, dude, you're still a friend to me in my heart... but for what you're doing, I no longer consider myself that close to you. Everything you ever told me in confidance when I was your friend: That's still a secret and your business. I only hope the same goes for you.
*sigh* Why is it so hard for me to start hating people, but have no problem with it once I get the ball rolling?
Maybe I just got tired of it... I'm tired of hating, I'm sick of being sad... I'm exhausted with my anger, and fatigued from my failures. I just wanna live... and be happy... and be able to be happy... give me something to be happy about? Well, at least I made a new friend... kind of... then I worried that maybe I'm making him the rebound, which sickens me because I'm not like that. >.< I didn't go out looking for a guy right after Seph started ignoring me, nor would I ever do that just cause a guy essentially dissed me. That's not my style, and it's stupid. However, this guy was the next to sidle up to me who didn't get on my nerves and who seems like a decent person (IS a decent person, damn you! Mind, I hate you sometimes.), and I'm worried about liking him so easily in that way I did before.... it only occured to me in the afternoon that it happened so fast, that I wonder if I should be worried?
Truth be told, I am. I am a little worried, but I am certain that my feelings are not born of revenge, but rather from a loneliness and the feeling I get talking with this guy where my emptiness is filled and the loneliness fades away...
... I still can't help the feeling that these are dangerous feelings that I'm having, thinking I should put an end to them while I still can. Why is it so easy to give my heart to someone new, when a relationship has ended? Like it never really mattered, when I know it does? Maybe I've just conditioned myself that way? Hmm...
... This is troublesome.
 Lyrical Li · Sat Sep 16, 2006 @ 09:47am · 0 Comments |
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