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This was supposed to be the grand finale, the entry where I revealed just what the hell was going on that I kept dancing around in those previous entries. In a way, I suppose it still is; but the story's taken a sad and unexpected twist, and I feel so angry at myself that I'm not sure I can even write about it coherently.

Recently, I fell in love with someone at Gaia. I had reason to believe that she had feelings for me as well, though I couldn't entirely believe it; when I read her journal, I convinced myself she must be talking about someone else, because my love life has been such a miserable train wreck it's still hard for me to believe that anyone else could truly care about me. So I hesistated, not wanting to say something wrong that might scare her off.

It's been so long since I was in love with anyone, that I'd begun to doubt it was even possible. I was even more skeptical about falling in love with someone on the Internet, someone I'd never seen in person, only in pictures, and someone far younger than myself. But the more I talked to her, the more I realized these feelings were real; and by yesterday, all my doubts and fears had been erased. I was all set to write her this morning and admit my feelings.

But then, I discovered that, in the course of our conversation last night, she felt she had said things that would offend me, that would put me off wanting to be with her; and that she was so distraught about the situation that she didn't even want to talk to me. I was astonished, because nothing she'd said had upset me in the slightest, and I'd actually enjoyed that conversation. And for this to happen just at the moment I'd planned to reveal the truth... it was shattering, to say the least.

I wrote her a lengthy message before work this morning, explaining that I wasn't offended and that I desperately want to hear from her again. Now I'm just waiting to see if she replies. If things go well, then you'll see me back at the Music forum as usual tomorrow. If not... then I don't know if I even want to return to Gaia. Talking to her is the main reason I'm still here; and without her, there's no point to my remaining.