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I really freaked out tonight. I shouldn't have. Theres just too much going on to handle. All I want to do is talk to Raymond and get everything sorted out. But I feel our little phonecalls make him feel worse. Correct me if I am wrong. I don't know which is which since I always have to ask.

He said he was going to call at 9. Its 11:37. So something happened, and I'm worried he is upset.

I also publically announced my dislike for someone. I shouldn't have. It wasn't nice for me to do. But you know, it was going to happen sooner or later.

Now let me tell you one thing. I love Raymond. I worry about Raymond every minute he is away. Not just because I love him, I know a lot about him and his habits. I want him to be ok. I'm having a little trouble with adjusting. He is no longer here. He is no longer sleeping near me, talking to me, walking to places with me and not being close to me. Raymond said to me before he left that he is still with me. And I pray to god that he is faithful. And I think he is still. It just worries me. He told me that she likes him. So what else am I supposed to think. I also have a bloody picture of UNDERWEAR in my files. So yes, I worry. A lot.

I can't help it. I just have a feeling something is not being told. Thats all.

I'm not mad at Raymond, or anyone really. I'm mad at myself. Thats all. I got really worked up. Shouldn't have.

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