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Has anyone read the book The Amber Spyglass?

I re-read it today... I feel like when I got to page 416 (look it up, you'll know what I mean), a door was opened in me, like in Lyra earlier on. (Marzipan, the chapter.)

Except... instead of understanding, or joy flooding me, it was just a hollow spot, dark and empty, and then full of pain...

Why?


I have no answer. Why am I alone?

I need to find my Lyra... I need to find her soon.


I got a feeling, after I finished it, that I would walk all the way to Connecticut, no matter how long it took, or how hungry or tired I got, just so I could see... if she was my Lyra. I need to find her. I feel like I'm going crazy...

I need to talk to Pullman. I don't care how strange that is... I need to talk to him. He might have the answers.

Why does he write such things...? Doesn't he consider... what they might do to people? No. Of course not. He says so himself. "My stories are written only for me, not to be what the reader wants."

I can't make my heart stop pounding. It feels about to leap out of my chest. Earlier it made it hard to breath, I felt certain I would either cry or die from suffocation. Neither occurred. I don't like this pain...

Someone help me! I need to find my Lyra...