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These eyes, they're leaking fluid again. Reading old entries...

" want to marry her, i swear to god im going to marry her. i will have a family with her. i will make her happy just as she makes me happy. i miss her so badly. I believe that behind my tears, being with Tina this weekend has matured me so much. if i wasn't a man before then im sure as hell one now. and i am eternally thankful for that. and just because im maturer doesn't mean i'll be less of a kid at times, i will never ever forget that weekend. i love her so much, you hear that world! I LOVE TINA DEJONG AND I WILL MARRY HER ONE DAY!!!"

I honestly believed that to be true. Every fiber of my being told me that it was true.

Look where I am now? Alone, tired, and crying. This is not what I wanted.

I don't know if the above was all a lie, or what.

You know, I wish I had no heart like you and move on so easily. I can't stand having feelings and not being able to rid myself of them. I want to hug you, but I'd rather smack you. I want to be there for you, but rather watch you suffer. I can't be that one you want to be with, but I want to.

******** hell.

I'm not going to last long if I start getting like this again.

Whatever.

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