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Today another day of the feelings that were lost. Even if things were get back together I don't think it would even be the same. No matter how much I try now I will never be happy the way I was before it all happened. I know that meeting each other now is probley impossible because if one meets the other then that just causes more jealousy.

It is not that I do not love him any longer but more about how everything has gotten weaker. This is not my fault as it is not his. But now this has happened there is a big choice we all may have to make. We all continue to go out yet its not possible to meet each other unless one lets go of the other one or we all agree on doing it. I feel hurt and in pain, there are no tears from it...but it feels that a part of me is missing again. And with all this...I just don't know what to say or do. No matter what I do now I will hurt him and if I continue to do anything further I will hurt her. So I am stuck and theres no way I can get out of it. Even if it was to be okay...I am not sure I could be as happy as I was before and if I can then it would take some time for me to return that way.

Death still seems so near to me no matter what I do or how I feel. I will always be dead inside. And its all because I was acused of something I never did. But oh well, everyone makes mistakes. Even so...it hurt me really bad and theres nothing I can do to make it better. I always hurt people, when I hurt they hurt and so I hurt them. Its an on going process that will never end, and even when I die I will still hurt others because of my death. So no matter what...it seems to always be the same. cry