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Today started out great! I was on top of the world, life was good & for once I was as happy as i've been in for ever. I mean whats not tio smile about one of my best friends is ingaded with some one whom I'm also pretty good friends with. my best friend is in a play, things have calmed down considerably in my family & I'm loveing my job (ok so it doesn't pay the best but it's money sweatdrop ). I've had my eyes on a few cds, with a bit of practice I can get my lisence when ever I want & I think I can write again. gonk but some how I suppose magicly in that curse sort of way a window pops up & sucks every once of chear you had out of you. I guess it's like one of those songs that at the begining maid your heart flutter like a buterfly dancing around your rib cage, that now only picks aper the stitches that I swore were almost closed, tearing off the fragments of the wings & jabing you in the eyes with them untel yo bleed.
Well a little cart run around, chit chat with co-workers & the sight of some neiborhood kids selling cookings at the frunt & atempting to help me out brought my spirets back up to soarinjg again. so much so I had to buy the little kid a candy bar with a tip I had gotten. happily exsausted after a hard days work I came home & just wanted to chat with a few people over the net considering it was a bit too late to call any one. scream then the shadowy figure of this name apears again... telling me things I want to hear about as much as I want to pull ouy my own eyeballs, grind them up & eat them like susi (though sadly I'd probably like the eye ball thing more). I think the thing that bugs me about it, was the fact that they never bathered to see their side to it....but basicly what i've desided is I need a date or a good clubing over the head. besides it's pretty sad when some ones engadeg & flerting with you stare . & though you tell them honestly they persist & when you say something they pretend not to have knowlage of it... stressed it really did sicken me... though perhaps because I was too polight kept my mouth shut & just let it fade.I can't stand to talk to that person any more, it just bugs me to know the things I do... but perhaps every one was right & it was only a holy light. but then again I'll never really know & perhaps thats what bugs me most of all. but it's time to let the shambals of the broken corps fall away & hope that something beautifull will grow out of it later on. if not then perhaps I'll find happyness in both the peacfull & chaotic. maybe I'll learn what true freedome is. what the feeling of falling head first twords the ground is really like, what it's like to stand up in front of every one & sing your song for the world to hear, to change the world a little for the better, to kick some seriouse a** NINJA style, to run so fast there is no present or futcher & to find the many places around this world that inspire beauty of all sorts...but mostly just to live & spend time with those I care about.

Mood:tired, full of mixed emotions
Song: for me: Flout on
Dedicated to the one I was talking about surprised can breats salty by Modest Mouse & You Oughta Know by Alanis Morissette. (funny how that one seems to work for bad relationships gone wrong & wers. nothing like a song that says I've been used & abused & I'm sick of the crap 3nodding . though I do wonder what the rasio of younge eople that get merried like that stay merried, & how many of them realize that in doing all that in haste you waste all the preshiouse parts & find later on that you were a bad pear thrown together bt blind passion?)