Heart ebbs, painful throbbing,
Swords like spit, hate like burning,
Large gash, big mistake,
She wasn't meant to exist.
It won't be long now,
The pain will soon subside,
Just bear it longer,
They wish to control you.
As she holds her gaping wound,
Her hatred for them grows,
Why did you bring me here,
She demanded.
Tears flow against her will,
She hates that with only a word, she crumbles.
Teeth bared, her fingernails dig into the earth,
Soil seeps though them and is infertile,
Born from sin, that was she,
The hatred cannot be uprooted.
She will fight until her last breath.
'Why am I here?' standing in the darkness,
Throws down false hope, is not seeking water,
She seeks answers.
Notes: Each of these lines actually do have their own personal meaning of their own. Though frankly I don't want to go into detail about it. But..
Well, as you probably know.. I am Asian. Although I don't mean to generalize, my parents expect a whole lot of me to the point of pressuring me since I'm the eldest of my siblings. My father is a really negative person, I describe him as a happiness-sucking vampire. He feeds off on other people's happiness and can make one's day bad without a blink of an eye. I always get snide comments about me not contributing to the family, his stories on how his mother died when he was 13 and he had to start working to help out the family. I'm sorry I'm not an over-achiever like he is and that I'm not living the same life as he is but he just really expects me to be just like him.
And I find myself in my room crying after his constant verbal abuse on things I can't do, on goals I can never reach, on how I cannot accomplish what he has done. And I think that sometimes I just can't take it. I've often thought of wanting to appear lying in a pool of my own blood and be alive for a few seconds just to shakily raise my finger at them and say, "See what you've made me become."
But of course, I'd never resort to that. But I often imagine what it would be like. And feel satisfaction in my veins. I know it's wrong... but it's only within my mind. I think it's better than actually attempting it for real.
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Scars of the Heart
Just a forewarning though. These entries of mine were done when I was feeling most negatively emotional so don't judge me by what I've written. If you don't like angst, then don't read. It's not like someone put a gun to your head to force you to rea
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