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"Huh..."

"That was pretty pathetic, kid..."

"Just give me one more try, I know I can get it."

"You're really determined to do this... Aren't you?"

"More than anything!"

. . .

I never did it.

I was trying to break the board with my hand, just like he had. I never got the chance. My mom called me in, pointed at the map, and in that moment, when my eyes settled on that name, Melbourne. one life ended, even more quickly than it had began.

"You're Joe, right? The new kid?"

"Yeah... I guess..."

"Huh... I had expected someone taller..."

That didn't help my depressed mood...

Those 2 months limped by at subsonic speeds, picking up when I made friends... But this story isn't about those friends. So we'll skip over that part.

We get to where it matters. Mr. Beiderman's class, March, 2008.

"Joe, at the automechanics module."

More names... More words... All blending together...

"Marial, at the automechanics module."

I choked on my water.

"I asked for a push Mr. B, not a dropkick..."

"I only did what you asked."

He gave me a smile like the one that a con artist gives his latest quarry.

"Thanks."

Came and went with nothing more than passing conversation and that one time we almost got suspended for playing the pinball game...

Skip forward 2 months. May, 2008.

That little field trip thing when we actually talked. I learned to make the little paper throwing stars. (a skill I forgot 20 minutes later.) And the plot for calling Aquafina about the weapons of mass destruction...

Skip summer, a passing glance at the mall, and fast forward a month and a half into school.

Halloween, I barely knew anything and this showed how little I cared for what I knew. By this point I was already emo, poetry and music about the darker shades of life playing a far larger part in the mechanics of my thoughts then they had been.

"God I need a life"

Ad lib a conversation ending in our meeting outside of a Wal-mart and boarding a large bus. Enter character Tooky, just kind of there for a time, the part grows with the story.

Fast forward through a few meetings, friendship development, enter character Capri, another role that grows with the story.

Freeze frame and play March, 2009, enter central antagonist Courtney.

"Great another note... Probably another fight I somehow provoked with a misplaced blink..."

She blushes behind me.

Sean whispers "Its from Courtney."

Contents: Will you go out with me?

"Fine." Thats all the response it required.

It grew. Up until May, 2009, we kissed and for the first time ever I said "I love you." and I thought I meant it.

Hooooooollllllyyyy s**t, was I ever wrong...

Forward 2 weeks,

"Military statement and declaration of Permanent Change of Station due to insubordination on the part of Ssg. Lopez, top recruiter of Rockledge. He and all dependents are to be restationed at Fort Campbell, Kentucky for the duration of military employment."

Another life dies.

Forward another 2 weeks and I'm in Puerto Rico, 28 of the most miserable days of my entire life. A lack of internet, air conditioning, and what I thought was love, though she had cheated on me 2 days after I left.

The only person I texted more than Courtney was her, she was my best friend and one of the only people to ever stand by me every step of the way though a major lifetime trauma.

Four weeks pass, I'm standing outside of a large house, the cold dry wind blows over me and I shiver in the weather of Central US that I never thought I would feel. Courtney had already cheated on me again, first day and the movers hadn't even left and she did it already. Some mutual friends, Melissa and Coral had told me.

I called Courtney what I think was 42 times and then I gave up and called Her, who this story is all about, and I vented and sulked, and cried myself out to her... She knew me better than anyone at this point... My parents, my brothers... Even myself... I knew in the back of my mind that she was what I wanted. Not Courtney, but I'd never tell. She simply couldn't feel the same way about me...

I banished the thought to the darkest reach of my mind.

Fast forward two months, September 21, 2009.

Hey, its my birthday, and what better way to celebrate than meeting a childhood friend and making a new one.

Enter characters Kayla and Jon (Shrinking and growing, respectively).

Walking through the hallway, dressed in a black polo, black dress pants, a black belt, and black shoes. (Uniforms...) Sulking inwardly.

"OHMIIGAWD!!!"

I felt a sudden impact and a choking feeling from behind.

"My mom said you were here but I didn't believe her!!!"

She spins me around and kisses me on the cheek.

"That voice... Kayla..."

"Uhh, yah! Damn you look good!"

I turned red. "Yeah... You too."

And oddly enough, she did. I thought to myself "is this really the little girl I used to go on play dates with...?"

She gave me a look. Not really a look you can describe, just kind of a mixture of the "You may applaud" look, and the "Well, we haven't seen each other in 9 years, say something!" look.

I poured myself out to her. Everything. I finished up in about 20 minutes and we spent the next hour just talking.

I never once stopped thinking about her (The main her)...

Continue 4 months. The breakup.

She's already cheated on me 4 or 5 times by this point. I was getting fed up.

She did it.

She called and broke up with me. She sucked my emotions out, made me into a shell, and hung me out to dry.

That

********

b***h.

Sure, for a little I was pretty upset, then she introduced me to Ashley and I was over it in a snap.

I had dated Kayla for a little while (Done some things for specific payback that made me feel way better even though I never blurted them out to Courtney like she did to me [see why she's central antagonist?]) and we decided to go our seperate ways about a month afterwards.

But this was different, I had never gotten someone I once knew to fall in love with me over the phone within months, either I knew what I was doing, or she thought gullible was written on the ceiling.

Fast forward 3 months, late January, 2010.

This was it. My step-dad was being deployed and we were being restationed at home. She was the only thing I could think about. I didn't speak at all on the trip down, through moving and accommodating everything I was silent. No criticism, not even confirmation grunts... I only spoke when I called her when we were done.

Of course I started crying...

I'm such a crybaby...

Is that all I know how to do?

Whine, and sob, and... Cry?

Maybe, but it didn't matter. I was happy to be home, it wasn't the same as I remembered it, new feelings, new sights, new faces, and most of all... A new school.

Forward 2 days.

The start in Viera High.

All of my old friends, a bunch of new friends, and even some new enemies, cool!

Enter characters Cody, Brian, Damion, Shannon, Sarah, Alex, Christian, and Nathaniel.

I was completely lost on my way to 5th period, had no clue where I was going, even though I had gone to all of my classes without a hitch.

"Ugh, this school is a maze! I swear this is where my 3rd period was!" (it, was by the way)

I sped up my pace and walked right past her while looking at my map.

I hit the end of the hall, cursed, did an about-face, and kept walking.

his time I caught a glimpse out of the corner of my eye.

I have a feeling we turned at the same time, I rushed back and hugged her.

It wasn't until I let go and stole a glance into her eyes that I realized how insanely empty I felt without her.

Mostly because I couldn't walk or stand straight.

Skip ahead 4 of the hardest months of my life.

Hard because I had to cope with the fact that now that I was here, the one that I was absolutely sure by this point that I loved, was completely avoiding me...

That hurt like a knife.

But in that time my friends and I had formed a family, or rather, I had been accepted into theirs. It dulled the pain.

I also broke up with Ashley by telling her I was gay.

Through it all, she was still my best friend... She knew the most about my past, my present, and my plans for the future.

I saw that she was obviously not even interested in the degree of friendship that we had before... It was a terrible feeling... And terribly awkward for me when I tried to hug her and she shied away... I felt like crying.

But I decided I had done too much of that.

So I sought comfort in the relationship I had with Tooky (I told you the part would get bigger), it looked romantic to most people outside. We were (and still are) very physical in our relationship, hugging, poking (Pulling things out of eachothers mouths... What?), ect.

It felt nice to know I was still loved... But the dull, throbbing hole still remained in my heart where she should be...

Then the day came

Damion had been poking fun at me since I arrived about asking her about the concept of her and I dating. I said it would never work, but he insisted, saying that he was "only doing it so I would help him find one." (He's calling me as I type this, I'm a bit busy to answer though.)

Well... I finally caved and said yes... Figuring the worst that could happen is that she says no or confronts me about it and it gets awkward...

"Did Damion talk to you about anything?"

"Yeah..."

"Did it involve me?"

"Yeah..."

"Listen... It wasn't my idea... I'm willing to try it if you are... But I'm scared of what it might do to our relationship.."

"Well, if you're willing then I am."

I know that I promised I wouldn't be a crybaby...

So I fainted.