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I don't really understand why everyone lies to me when I only ask for kindness of them. They act well and seem to have good intentions but...no matter who I like or who says loves me its never meant to be. It seems that love doesn't exist for me as I was hoping it would and..to be honest I am starting to lose hope in ever finding anyone who can like me for who I am. But then I am just so stupid to think that anyone could love someone as horrid as me. Everything people say about me is a lie...it has to be a lie. Why else would nothing ever work out? The littlest things can trigger pain from the past for me. I don't really get a lot of things...and I'm not sure who I can trust anymore even if they are helping me. The lies and false feelings make me think that no one can be trusted. It seems as if there is no love for me at all. I cried so much last night listening to the song on my profile thinking why. The tears roled down my cheek so fast and I could not bear to at least gasp a few times. I haven't cried that much since me and Hector broke up. emo I'm starting to think that Sean is just playing me...like he only said those nice things to cheer me up and made the excuse about his siblings just to make me think different of the situation. But it seem since I told him I saw he read my messages he seems to not be reading them at all now! Which makes me think that hes lying. And plus not showing up when he said he would. Sure it may seem like a small promise, but that promise to me would prove his wishing to be with me. And to think if he kept all his promises then he must be trust worthy. But...unfortunatly he lost his chance it seems because now that he has broken a promise he will break the others to and never return for months on end. Why...because thats just how he is. But this time...I won't fall so easily because he can't have me if I can't count on him to be reliable! The same goes with anyone else.

A positive side is...the friends I know in person want to take me somewhere to meet someone. I've never done that before...and I imagine it to be fun but...I'm afraid I won't meet anyone and if I do I'm scared they won't like me or lie to me and say they do. Even though my heart tells me I should go, I doubt anyone could find interest in me. I doubt it because of my experience. Even though my story is not at its end...I know life is short so I must make memories with the time I do have. I'm already 20 years old still living with my parents and yet I have found no one while my friends all mostly have someone! It just seems so hopeless for me! cry My life seems to be a fairy tale with no story book ending...

Does love truly exist for me?