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Yesterday, was a very interesting day. Yesterday, I looked into a mirror. Well, a window of a bus actually. I looked into this mirror to try and watch a movie, the tv was being blocked, and the tinted glass was giving off a nice reflection. But as I looked into this mirror I saw all the people around me, the little girl laying against her father, slowly falling asleep. A bunch of little kids whispering secrets to each other as the sandman cast more weight upon their eyes, and even adults who were finally readying for the night to end. I could also see Andrea, sleeping against my chest, both hands gripping onto my shirt, with her face pressed up against my chest, and even in the relfection given off of a tinted bus window she made me smile. The look of pure bliss, pure contentment consumed her features. As I watched all this I began to drift off into thought, my mind wandering about the day's events. But as I thought, about everything that had happened, both long and short term, I felt a sense of accomplishment, as if the day was one of the best I had, but along with this feeling I also felt slightly dissapointed. At the time I couldn't understand why, I could see no logical reason for feeling dissapointed with anything that had happened. So I continued to watch, and my eyes fell upon my own reflection, my own image cast back in the tinted windows. I starred into my own eyes, lost in thought, consumed for the moment with a single task. They say that the eyes are the windows onto the soul, and I can't say how long I starred into that window, searching my own emotions, my own logic. I felt good about everything that had happened. About making my appearance at my church's youth group function, decked in my goth ware, from a church that had all but shuned me and my family. I smiled to those that didn't want me there, helped those who were skeptic, and went about my day, pitching in when I could, enjoying my day, and helping others to enjoy their day. I had taken my servant out and had fun, took my little brother on his first rollar coaster, and a number of other small accomplishments. But still something haunted the back of my head, something pricked the very eyes I watched, and in that p***k I realized what this feeling was. The world is like a slab of clay, clay who's worked by the hand of many artists, sculptors, and made into whatever piece of art they have chossen. The artists, any person willing to stand out and make his mark upon the world, Einstiene, Clinton, Lancoln, Oprah, Aristotle, Shakespear, anyone who takes the world and truely changes it. And even though I had a good day, I realized, I'm not happy being clay, I'm not happy simply going with the flow. I want to change things, I want to touch people and leave my mark upon the world. I don't want my passing to simply be some common pointless event, I want to make a difference on the world, with people. So now I search the world, myself, life, and god. Searching for what it is I'm suppose to do. I have no grand trade, I'm not going to be able to change things through science, math, or law. I'm no outstanding athelete, I'm not going to be walking out of anywhere with a gold, silver, or even bronze metal. I'm not going to do anything on a large perspective when it comes to religion, I'm a very religious person, but my views are very..... skeptic, very different compared to most people of my religion, and even so I could never pass as a preacher, being against organized religion. I'm not going to make any great impact as any type of artist, 'cause let's face it, art will never be more then a hobby to me. I like it, enjoy it, but simply don't have the drive or dedication for it. My stories remain unfinished and swept under the rug, paintings and drawings all forgotten about. Theatre simply doesn't attract enough money for me to think about using it as a career. I'd like to think money isn't a big part of my life, but I'd like to be able to live a healthy life, a fun life, and must admit some money is needed. So then what am I doing? what am I doing with my life and where am I going? How am I getting there when I don't have a destination? I am an artist, a sculptor, I will not be happy with anything less.... But what is my tool?