Today I kinda needed a friend a little bit for a couple different reasons.
But I guess sometimes its more important to be a friend then to have someone be a friend to you. If I had made a big deal out of my problems it would have ruined my friends happiness. My friend finally got something they really wanted and I didnt want to ruin it for them
Or maybe its just wishfull thinking or exstream hopefullness that my problems would even matter enough to ruin anything. Maybe they would have rolled thier eyes sighed and said ohh katie. Or maybe they would have care. Maybe eventually I will figure it out. But its worth one more time to give up for someone else if it means one less time for people to prove that they are more important to me then I am to them. Why do the littlest things make me so upset lately?
Sometimes I wonder if I want some of my friends to read this journal sometime. But at the same time if any of my friends found this journal they would be upset that I feel this way. Or at least I hope they would. But I would also hope they wouldnt just lie to me. Like if it didnt matter to them then I wouldnt want thier fake pitty. or thier pitty at all. I dont know what I want.
But I guess sometimes its more important to be a friend then to have someone be a friend to you. If I had made a big deal out of my problems it would have ruined my friends happiness. My friend finally got something they really wanted and I didnt want to ruin it for them
Or maybe its just wishfull thinking or exstream hopefullness that my problems would even matter enough to ruin anything. Maybe they would have rolled thier eyes sighed and said ohh katie. Or maybe they would have care. Maybe eventually I will figure it out. But its worth one more time to give up for someone else if it means one less time for people to prove that they are more important to me then I am to them. Why do the littlest things make me so upset lately?
Sometimes I wonder if I want some of my friends to read this journal sometime. But at the same time if any of my friends found this journal they would be upset that I feel this way. Or at least I hope they would. But I would also hope they wouldnt just lie to me. Like if it didnt matter to them then I wouldnt want thier fake pitty. or thier pitty at all. I dont know what I want.
