Mecuniv: Babe, my mom's a c**t…
Shadow: Yeah, I know...
Mecuniv: Guess what...
Shadow: Hmm?
Mecuniv: I don't think I'll be getting my ID…Ever.
Shadow: Why?
Mecuniv: Because, my sister and my mom's horses are more important...I'm at the bottom of the food chain...*Curls up*
Shadow: *Holds you*
Mecuniv: I hate them...I'm never gonna get outta here...
Shadow: You'll get out of there Babe, don't worry. I’ll make sure of it...
Mecuniv: But we need $1000 for a road trip...
Shadow: True, that doesn’t mean you'll never get out though.
Mecuniv: It'll take too long...
Shadow: Not that long Babe, don't worry...
Mecuniv: Kinda hard...*Eyes kitchen knife*
Shadow: Babe...
Mecuniv: *Curls up* Don't wanna…
I wanna hitch-hike...but I'm worried you'll hurt yourself and I'll be alone...
Shadow: It'll work out babe, don't worry...
Mecuniv: No it won't! You're always saying that, but it's obvious that it hopeless!
Shadow: No...You’re just limiting your thoughts to a very small box...
Mecuniv: Babe...I can't take this...
Shadow: You can babe...you just have to keep trying...
Mecuniv: No, I can't...
Shadow: Maybe I need to teach you something about immunity.
Mecuniv: I wish...but I feel to intensely...
Shadow: I’m gonna teach you how I stay immune from most torment. It involves fluidity, a mostly positive flow, and a drive to keep that flow going.
Mecuniv: If you were kept away from the one thing that kept you happy...you'd be depressed too...
Shadow: They can't keep us apart for ever.
Mecuniv: Sure they can...
Shadow: Babe...if you wanna learn my secrets you have to accept what I tell you. If you don't understand ask questions.
Mecuniv: I'm just gonna go sleep...that helps...
Shadow: No babe, I’m gonna teach you strength, one that separates me from humans.
Mecuniv: But I am human...
Shadow: What is human? Different species evolve gradually from preexisting ones. They change because they have adapted to the world in a different way than another spices.
Mecuniv: Well, I am human, and I am weak...I've accepted that...
Shadow: Well stop accepting it.
Mecuniv: *Curls up*
Shadow: The world can only control you if you let it.
Mecuniv: Whatever...*Crawls under rock* I don't care anymore...
Shadow: Babe...let me teach you...
Understand what I do.
Mecuniv: What's the point? I'm still gonna be alone...
Shadow: No you won’t.
Mecuniv: Uh huh...I'm going to bed...
Shadow: Babe…
You know I can get the money.
Mecuniv: Well, maybe you can...maybe you can't...
Shadow: My class ring is worth $1700. I can get the money.
Mecuniv: No...
You can't get that back. I'll never forgive you if you sell it...
Shadow: You're worth more to me than a stupid bauble I never wear...
Mecuniv: No, I'm not...
I'm not worth it...please...
Shadow: You need to understand what I do babe. If you learn what I have, you'll notice life sucks less...
Mecuniv: I deserve to be hurt...
Shadow: Nobody deserves to be hurt like that...
Mecuniv: I do. You don't know me as well as you think...
Shadow: Then explain it to me.
Mecuniv: I'd rather just sleep...
Shadow: Please.
Mecuniv: *Sigh* I've tried explaining before. You always just tell me I doubt and am too negative...
Shadow: Explain to me what you know, pour your knowledge onto me. Then I'll do the same...
Mecuniv: Babe...
Why do you even care?
Shadow: I want to understand.
Mecuniv: Funny...you didn't before...
Shadow: I’m in a special kind of mood.
Mecuniv: Well I'm not...
Shadow: Tell me babe, let me understand.
Mecuniv: I'm not even sure I know...
Shadow: Do your best.
Mecuniv: *Sigh* The best I can explain it is, I've suffered for so long, being kicked around by everyone. When you came into my life, it felt a little brighter...but the fact is that it seems that no matter how much I try to be happy, I still suffer. I've accepted that I must have to suffer. So now that I understand that, it's not so bad...it's my life...
So you see babe, no matter what, things will always work against us. My fate is to suffer, I deserve it.
Shadow: No, it's not...You only think that way because you think you're so far down the hole you don't even remember what light is. You think the only thing you can do is sit and die or dig yourself into an even deeper hole. I'm offering a rope and a flash light but you refuse them because you think it's all just an illusion...
Mecuniv: Right, exactly. It won't last, in the end you'll leave too...
Shadow: I won’t leave. I’m not like that...
Mecuniv: You say that now...in the end I'm alone...
Shadow: What I say now I will keep truth to forever. It's real babe...
Mecuniv: Maybe...but there's still the fact that everything works against us. It always will...
Shadow: No, you only think that way. Life is about perception babe. I get by because I’ve learned that...
Mecuniv: Well, good for you...
Shadow: I'll teach you how to see how I see, how to keep strong even when you're weak. You just have to promise to learn...
Mecuniv: I can't...
Shadow: You can, you just have to accept what I teach...
Mecuniv: I've accepted my fate…why can't you understand that?
Shadow: Because your fate makes you unhappy.
Mecuniv: That is my fate...
Shadow: Exactly.
Mecuniv: You're being difficult...
Shadow: You're not being much easier…
Mecuniv: You need to accept the fact that maybe I don't want your help...maybe I'd just prefer if you left me alone and stopped tormenting me with your words. Every time you tell me I matter, or that you care, I'm only inquired to dig deeper...
Shadow: I promised you I’d fix you...and I will.
Mecuniv: I'm unfixable! Just stop...
Shadow: Nothing is unfixable.
Mecuniv: You just don't understand...
Shadow: Do you want to be hurt?
Mecuniv: No...
Mecuniv: But I've accepted my way of life, I can't change that...
Shadow: You don't have to suffer; I’m here to teach you a better way. Stop digging, drop the shovel, and I’ll show you how to climb...
Mecuniv: I can't...
Shadow: Why?
Mecuniv: I don't wanna get closer to you anymore. If I do...I'll lose you...
Shadow: You won’t lose me babe, I won’t let that happen...
Mecuniv: I dig my hole because it keeps me safe from worse suffering...
If I crawl out, if I let you help me, then when I fall back in it will only injure more when I hit the bottom...
Shadow: By the time you reach the surface I’ll have taught you how to jump higher and climb faster. I learned it, you can too. I'll teach you how to bounce like I can, I'll teach you how to take that fall and how to shake off the pain and climb back up. I had to learn it by myself, it'll be easier for you; you've got help.
Mecuniv: But, what if you aren't there...? What if I fall because you aren't? I won't recover from that...
Shadow: I’ll teach you my fast healing.
Mecuniv: I can't babe, I just can't...I'm not like you...
Shadow: That's what I'm going to teach you, I'll show you how to be like me. You have to trust me babe, I promise you I won’t let you down.
Mecuniv: Why do you even care?
Shadow: Because I love you, and I want you to be able to enjoy the sunrise with me instead of sulking in your cavern.
Mecuniv: I wish you wouldn’t; now it hurts more...
Shadow: It's like exercise babe, no pain no gain...
Mecuniv: But your caring makes it worse...
Shadow: Then except my teaching, it won’t hurt once you've learned.
Mecuniv: If it will get you to stop then fine...
Shadow: You want the hurting to stop?
Mecuniv: I don't know what I want anymore...
Mecuniv: Furthermore...I don't think it even matters what I want, it never does...
Shadow: That's part of the problem…
Mecuniv: What? That no one gives a s**t?
Shadow: No, that you don't...
Mecuniv: I've accepted my position as the family b***h; it makes the job easier...
Shadow: You need to see things from my point of view; you need to learn fluidity...
Mecuniv: So...you wanna make me see things 'your way' now? -_-
Shadow: It's all about perspective babe; I wanna show you how I see…
Mecuniv: Okay...
Shadow: And from my point of view, you'll like it better...
Mecuniv: But what I like doesn't matter...
Shadow: Yes, it does.
Mecuniv: Not around here it doesn't...
Shadow: To them maybe not, but to you...
Mecuniv: I don't get to be an individual remember? I do what they tell me to...
Shadow: Because you see things differently. Doing what things others tell you to do don’t rob you of individuality; you're not a drone.
Mecuniv: It still doesn't matter...
Shadow: It does.
Mecuniv: Whatever...is there a point to this?
Shadow: Yes.
Mecuniv: Well?
Shadow: You matter, in your perspective you are the center of every thing. What you want matters. In order to see the world differently, you have to change the way you think. You need a few constants, but you need other things to shift and still work....
Mecuniv: But I'm not the center of everything in my perspective...
Shadow: And that's what we have to change. If you don't want to be the exact center then plot your center between the 2 of us...
Mecuniv: But...*Sigh* Never mind...
Shadow: Go ahead, ask questions. It's alright.
Mecuniv: No, you wouldn't understand...
Shadow: Tell me.
Mecuniv: I'm not my center because I couldn't care less about myself...you're my center...
Shadow: Alright, but we want that center closer to you. Put the center in the middle of us, make the center the point that bonds us, a common ground that where both our needs and desires meet...
Mecuniv: My desire is to make you happy...
This is frustrating me!
Shadow: And I want to make you happy, so making yourself happy will make me happy. So putting your center between the 2 of us is more accurate...
Mecuniv: Okay...
Shadow: Your needs, wants, and desires matter to you and to me...
That’s what that center should accomplish...
Mecuniv: Okay...
Shadow: That center is important to you and it's important to me...
Mecuniv: Okay...
Shadow: The goal is to achieve fluidity, that center point will be the main focus of your flow. It's a constant that you can rely on...just like the constant knowledge that I love you...
Mecuniv: Alright.
Shadow: The properties of fluids are ideal, they can shift and they can turn. They can be strong and forceful and they can be soft and mellow when needed. These constants are measures to make sure you don't flow in completely random patterns, but they can be shifted with effort when needed...
Mecuniv: Are the 'fluids' supposed to be my emotions?
Shadow: Every thing but your constants. Your body is mostly fluids; other parts are squishy and elastic. Then you have your sturdy bone system and your cartilage...
Mecuniv: Huh?
What does that have to do with anything? -_-
Shadow: That you are already very fluid to begin with, you just have to learn to behave more like a fluid...
Mecuniv: ...Okay...
Shadow: Your center point is the constant that keeps telling you why you flow and how you should flow, it gives you the structure you need, it defines you and your actions.
Mecuniv: So...us?
Shadow: Yes. Part of us is you however, you have to always think about yourself, and then you have to think about me. You come first in thought because you are your own fluid, immediately after you think about me and how your flow would affect us both.
Mecuniv: I don't think I like that...
Shadow: It serves us well though. You want to make me happy, and I want you to be happy. If your flow would cause you to hurt yourself, then that affects me negatively, so your center point will object to it.
Mecuniv: I guess that makes sense...
Shadow: Also, many of your flows won’t affect me so much, so you shouldn't worry about me too much. An example would be if you considered how your every step might affect me negatively. You'd worry too much about me before doing anything and it would take longer for you to do things...
Mecuniv: Yeah...
Shadow: That's why you come first in your thoughts.
So, now you understand that you matter right?
Mecuniv: Yeah...
Shadow: Good, keep a strong hold onto that, your center point is your most important constant.
Mecuniv: What was your center? How did you cope before I met you?
Shadow: I was my own center, it served me well...
Mecuniv: But now we have each other...we can help each other...
Shadow: Yes, and now I’m sharing my knowledge with you.
Mecuniv: *Nuzzle*
Shadow: *Pats your head softly* What do you want to learn next?
Mecuniv: I don't know, but I need to do dishes. Perhaps you could just explain something and I'll read it while I work?
Shadow: How about you study the water, tell me what you observe. Maybe we could get audio working...
Mecuniv: Hmm…okay...
*****************************************************
Shadow: [Offline IM sent 24m ago] please come back to me
[Offline IM sent 24m ago] please...
[Offline IM sent 24m ago] i don't want to be alone...
[Offline IM sent 24m ago] not anymore...
[Offline IM sent 23m ago] please
[Offline IM sent 20m ago] *cuddles pillow*
[Offline IM sent 12m ago] so alone...
[Offline IM sent 6m ago] so alone...
Mecuniv: *Nuzzles up to you, crying* I'm so sorry...
Shadow: *holds you tight*
Mecuniv: (3:25:03 PM): I'm a damn fool..
Mecuniv: (3:25:31 PM): I need you...even if I don't want to to admit...
Shadow: (3:25:48 PM): *nuzzle*
Mecuniv: (3:26:11 PM): *Nuzzle* I don't want it to hurt anymore...
Shadow: (3:27:15 PM): i know...i'm sorry it hurts...i try to make it better...but so far all i can manage is keeping you alive...
Mecuniv: (3:27:48 PM): Please...save me from myself...
Shadow: (3:28:39 PM): i'm here for you babe...i'll help you...
Mecuniv: (3:28:59 PM): Please...I can't do it alone...
Shadow: (3:29:12 PM): you won't be alone
Shadow: (3:29:13 PM): i'm here for you
Shadow: (3:29:23 PM): i'll never leave you
Mecuniv: (3:29:42 PM): I hate myself...I feel trapped and I don't know what to do...
Shadow: (3:30:54 PM): just listen to me babe...i'm here to help...i love you and i care about you
Mecuniv: (3:31:45 PM): One side of me hates you...and the other can't live without you...It scares me...
Shadow: (3:32:24 PM): listen to the side with love...the other side just wants you to hurt...
Mecuniv: (3:32:44 PM): I'm afraid love...
Shadow: (3:33:00 PM): i know
Shadow: (3:33:06 PM): i wanna make it better
Mecuniv: (3:33:55 PM): I want you to...but I don't think you can...I think I'm broken...
Shadow: (3:34:54 PM): i can fix it babe...listen to me...not your other half...let me help you and i promise i can make you better...i can at least make it hurt less...
Mecuniv: (3:35:46 PM): Okay...
Shadow: (3:36:29 PM): i love you babe...i'll never stop...i wanna be with you...i don't want to be without you again
Mecuniv: (3:36:59 PM): I love you too...and I don't want you to hurt...I'm so so sorry...
Mecuniv: (3:37:27 PM): I said those hurtful things...
Shadow: (3:37:51 PM): it's okay babe...i love you...it just proves i'm not going away
Mecuniv: (3:38:18 PM): I don't want to hurt anymore...
Mecuniv: (3:38:32 PM): All it does is make me hurt you...
Mecuniv: (3:39:05 PM): And then that makes it even worse...
Mecuniv: (3:39:36 PM): I don't want to drive you away...I'm afraid of losing you more than anything...
Mecuniv: (3:40:16 PM): I could be locked in a cage, but as long as you loved me I'd be okay...
Shadow: (3:41:02 PM): well i'm gonna do my best to keep you out of a cage...so i can hold you and show you how much i love you
Mecuniv: (3:41:28 PM): I need you...
Mecuniv: (3:41:43 PM): I love you so much...
Shadow: (3:42:03 PM): i love you too babe...never forget that...it'll always be true
Mecuniv: (3:43:03 PM): I want to hold you right now...I wanna know you're real...
Mecuniv: (3:43:16 PM): I'm so afraid...
Shadow: (3:43:26 PM): i'm real babe
Shadow: (3:43:37 PM): i'll send a picture if you want
Mecuniv: (3:44:04 PM): No...I just wish I could touch you...
Shadow: (3:44:21 PM): i know babe...i want that too...
Mecuniv: (3:44:43 PM): It hurts so bad...I can't even breathe or see straight...
Shadow: (3:46:16 PM): if you're willing to accept my logic i'll show you how i cope...it got me through 10 years...it should last you till june...
Mecuniv: (3:46:31 PM): Uh huh...
Shadow: (3:46:38 PM): alright
Shadow: (3:47:03 PM): you remember that whole idea of water and fluidity?
Mecuniv: (3:47:10 PM): Yeah
Shadow: (3:47:22 PM): you remember your constants?
Mecuniv: (3:47:34 PM): June...you...us...
Shadow: (3:47:44 PM): good
Shadow: (3:48:04 PM): now would you like me to explain the constants a little more?
Mecuniv: (3:48:15 PM): Yes please...
Shadow: (3:48:21 PM): alright
Shadow: (3:49:57 PM): the idea of the constants is that they're real...that they can't be taken away from you...it's what you strive for and what you keep going for...nothing in the entirety of existence will separate you from those things...
Shadow: (3:51:47 PM): they are set in place for eternity to remind you why you are...those are the answers to the big why...as long as you stick to your constants your fluid form can't be damaged and your flow can't be disrupted because you always flow towards your constants
Mecuniv: (3:52:25 PM): I see...
Shadow: (3:53:34 PM): the constants are the things you hold on to and protect...as long as you stick to your constants they'll never go away
Shadow: (3:55:27 PM): June is your pillar of hope...it represents the future and the good things to come...Us represents unity and happiness, the good things of the present...
Mecuniv: (3:55:51 PM): And you?
Shadow: (3:57:33 PM): I am your mate, I represent every thing you care about, protection from the pain and evils and relief from the bad of the past
Mecuniv: (3:57:58 PM): That sounds nice...
Shadow: (4:00:37 PM): June is a more flexible constant...it won't be june once june is over...it will change to other dates and times you want to see...june is the big thing you look forward to, the event and goal you want the most of all right now...once you meet it your other constants will guide you to a new goal and destination...you'll also set smaller goals along the way..things to occupy you till june...
Shadow: (4:02:09 PM): usually this mean the weekend...may will be your next large check point...then you pass through each day waiting for the weekend...then finaly that last weekend of may when you finally get to june
Mecuniv: (4:02:27 PM): Yay
Shadow: (4:02:59 PM): june is on a monday so you actually will get to it after the weekend
Mecuniv: (4:03:30 PM): My last day of school is the 4th...Thursday...
Mecuniv: (4:03:52 PM): I'll probably see you the first weekend of June...
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