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Lately i have been having some disturbing dreams, and not the normal disturbing dreams. No blood and gore, or things that pop out and frighten me, but real things. Things that happen the very next day when i wake up with a bloody nose running down my face...I just don't get why these things always happen to me. I try to be a good person and maintain good karma but apparently that alone isn't enough. I haven't slept much in these past few weeks, i've had to resort to the drug known as Ecstasy to keep myself awake. I just don't want to dream anymore! Dreams are supposed to be our escape, our paradise within ourselves that we can go to forget about our conscious lives. Lately my conscious life has been a blur, i hate that it is but it beats knowing everything that will happen the next day. What is the point of life when the spontaneity of it is brutally taken from you without a choice or your permission?
Some people would think me paranoid, in a way i guess i am. But would you just suck it up and deal with it? Knowing that the next day one of your friends would die by a mindless and idiotic shooting? Or perhaps a family member getting into a car crash? No i think you would stay awake too, i look at it as a way of maintaining my sanity. I suppose i could do the helpful thing and actually sleep. Dream of tomorrow's happenings in hopes of something positive happening for a change. Hoping that if i do have a negative dream that i wake up in time to warn that person...but what if i don't know them? What then? Am i supposed to just go out and find that person? *heavily sighs* I just don't understand why this is happening to me...maybe its God trying to tell me something. Yeah...my family would LOVE for something like that to happen to me. Even the mere utterance of His name from my mouth would instantly put me in their good graces again. Not that i want to be.
Well...i'm off to go and read another 3 books tonight, i have to run to the store for more cigarettes as i am almost out. This should be fun...can't wait for work. I'll actually have something constructive to do with my time instead of read and think about how pathetic my life as been of late. Feel free to leave me a comment or pm me your concerns. Thanks for reading if you actually do...
Sincerely,
~Fate~
 The Obscure Voice Of Fate · Tue Mar 24, 2009 @ 07:13am · 0 Comments |
