Demyx: -whimpering and looking traumatized- I don't want to know, I don't want to know-
Larxene: Honestly, you're such a b***h. If you think basketballs and chains are that traumatizing-
Vexen: -to Zexion- Can you stop moving so much? It's quite annoying.
Zexion: I apologize. I simply feel as if something very, very bad is about to-
Shadows: -give a twitch before Ienzo comes flying out of them and tackles Zexion-
Zexion: -flails- DAMMIT, GET OFF-
Ienzo: Me! Oh, Zex, it's so good to see you again, and I've forgiven you for that mess with that pink-
Zexion: GET OFF OF ME. NOW.
Voxden: ZOOOOOO! -squeals-
Nadra: I'm getting a headache already. I'm just going to start the fic.
-Nadra disappears into the booth as Voxden gleefully rushes over to mob Zexion along with Ienzo.
Chronophilia Complex:
Suicide
Suicide
Vexen: -dryly- Oh, goody.
Larxene: -gets on her announcer voice- Did you not have enough whiny little emo b***h OOC Zexion last chapter? Well then, it's your lucky day, you stupid fanbrat cunts!
Demyx: Larxene! Language!
Larxene: Demyx, the only one who can comment on my swearing is Marluxia. -cracks knuckles- Got it?
Demyx: -shrinks into his seat- Oh sweet jesus.
But more ANs!
Now onto this chapter, er… More of the story in general… I normally deplore fanfics where EVERYBODYisGAYzOMG!
Demyx: I normally deplore fics where I'm a ADD retard!
Vexen: I normally deplore 4/11 fic.
Larxene: I normally deplore fics where everyone GAYS up the place and I don't get any. Of course, it's not too bad. That's why I have bondage, Go-Go, and Luxord. -turns around and yells to the theater doors- RIGHT, BABY? -waits- Sweet, think I gave him a heart attack.
Vexen: But we don't have-
Larxene: Question my logic. I ******** dare you.
Zexion: I deprecate others using my trademark word. I also abhor fic where no one can get my thrice-damned characterization correct. Also... -shoves Ienzo off-
Because that’s just ******** unrealistic.
Zexion: Says the woman who can't properly characterize us, thus making this entire thing unrealistic.
Vexen: The imbecile doesn't even have a single inkling of how a mental facility works.
I was reading a really well written fanfic once (AkuRoku I believe) and then it was taken over by somebody else (a friend of the author I assume) and suddenly everyone was gay! WTF? It was a high school comedy/romance and seriously… It’s been quite a few years since I’ve been in high school but last time I checked, the boys weren’t all ******** each other and the girls weren’t all sexy lesbian couples so… Wtf?
Voxden: Pffft, you obviously went to the wrong school. Where I come from, everyone was doing the buttsex all the time. You couldn't bend over to pick something up without getting humped.
Nadra: ...You're thinking of prison. Like the one you went to.
Voxden: -ignores- See, the trick all involves pencils and how good your stabbing is...
I dunno… When EVERYBODY is gay it just seems unrealistic to me. Bah! (And forgive me, those of you who are new to my writing. I’m known to go on long winded rants like this at any given moment. You‘ll get used to it.) BUT I couldn’t resist XigDem! I just couldn’t.
Vexen: So, she's an idiot and a hypocrite. Why am I not surprised?
And Marluxia, come on! He just screams out raging homosexual!
Larxene: Since Mar's not here, let me fill in for him. -clears throat- Listen, you dumb little OOC-using whore, you can just go ******** yourself, a'ight? For one thing, I didn't get to choose my ******** hair color, I used to be the hottest redhead you ever saw in your goddamn life. And what's that? You think flowers are a sissy element? We'll see how much you're laughing when I shove ******** deadly nightshade down your throat. Let me know how your heart handles it, ********.
Zexion: Honestly, Marluxia has more class than that.
Larxene: I'm the devil on his shoulder. I say all the things he doesn't say because he's so concerned about style. Pft.
And in later chapters there may or may not be other characters exhibiting homosexual tendencies.
Vexen: Really? In a yaoi fic? I never would have guessed! I mean, it's simply so tiring to use one of the many females in our universe, isn't it?
And I figured since it takes place in modern day Middle America that it’s a LITTLE bit more realistic for there to be that many people with homosexual tendencies in one psychiatric hospital, especially given the state of everyone’s mental dispositions.
Zexion: I call 'idiocy'.
Larxene: I call 'bullshit'.
(Don’t wanna give too much away but you’ll see what I mean soon.) So there are hints of other pairings in this fic but there are not going to be full out sex scenes between Xigbar and Demyx. Sorry… Go read Die Hohlen Kosten des Lebens if that’s what you’re looking for.
Larxene: They're using my language? I'm offended! -RAGE-
Demyx: What's that even mean, anyway?
Zexion: -checks- "The Hollow Costs of Life".
Ienzo: So, living is a pathetic and cheap and means nothing.
Voxden: Wow, haven't seen something that pessimistic since I last did a search for 'emo' on fanfiction.net.
OK! Now, to this actual chapter itself. It’s a pretty ok sized chapter… Lots of drama; If that’s what you’re looking for I think you‘ll be pleased.It gives us a better look at some of the minor characters (Demyx and Xigbar for example)
Voxden: So, how much do you all want to bet this 'better look' just further mangles characterization?
Nadra: A betting ring would be too much trouble. It'd be easier to just get a dime for every stupid and OOC thing the author writes. You'll be a millionaire before you know it.
and is just an all around pretty decent chapter for being as old as it is.
I like it. I think you might too. So here’s the next chapter! wewt!
Vexen: No, no, no, we won't like it. Not at all.
Demyx: Dude, she can't even spell 'w00t' right. Laaaaame.
Zexion sat in his room with a pen he'd stolen out of Lexaeus' pocket when he wasn't looking.
Demyx: I think Xigbar tried to steal something from Lexaeus once.
Larxene: Yeah? And how'd that work out for him?
Demyx: Er, I think there's a scientific thing for all of it, but let's say he's... sens..i...tive? Anyway, it didn't work.
Zexion: Why would I need to steal from Lexaeus? He gives me whatever I want.
Marluxia had helped him steal it. Now what to do with it?
Demyx: Dunno, but I thought you usually wrote with a pen?
And what if Marluxia was wrong? He very well couldn't just have a little outburst and ruin his chances if it wasn't enough. He had to do something big. Something he knew would get Vexen's attention for sure. That was when it hit him. Suicide...
Zexion: ....With a pen. -facepalm- Surely, you must be joking.
Voxden: -cheerfully- Don't underestimate the power of a sturdy pen!
He jumped to his feet and rushed to the door, pounding on it wildly. "Nurse! Nurse! I think I'm going to kill myself!"
Larxene: -bursts out giggling-
Zexion: I think I'm going to kill myself, but I just don't know... What else do you have to offer?
Demyx: Well, gee, we have all sorts of different suicidal methods! I'm sure you'll find one that's right for you!
Vexen: Are you tired of dying with the slit wrists cliche which populates so many teen wangst emo bad!fic? Then try some of these top quality sleeping pills! Guaranteed to break your loved ones' hearts when they try to wake you up.
Larxene: -curled up in her seat, shaking in silent laughter-
Zexion: -warming up- No, that seems just a too soft, not dramatic enough. What else do you have?
Vexen: Oh ho, you want something to shock and traumatize your discoverer?
Demyx: Then just try hanging! Nothing stabs itself violently into immortal memory than the silhouette of a body hanging from the rafters, outlined by a setting sun!
Larxene: But wait! Do you want loud? Do you want to die proud? Then settle for the manly way to die! -gleefully drags Nadra out, who has a shotgun with her- Then call right now and get this beauty! Give this little honey a b*****b no one will ever forget, thanks to your brains scattered all across the wall! Call now, and you get your free lesbian fanservice before your sorry a** is in the afterlife. -poses sexily-
Nadra: Stop invading my bubble, thanks.
Zexion: -jerks his thumb at Larxene and Nadra- I believe I'll have to go with what they're offering. Testosterone and such, you know how it is.
There's a moment of silence.
Everyone: -bursts out laughing-
Demyx: -wipes a tear from his eye, giggling- Oh man, we just joked about suicide.
Larxene: -grinning- I know.
Demyx: We're terrible people.
Vexen: -snickering- We know. And Larxene? For a moment, you were almost bearable.
Larxene: Thanks, Vexie. And you were almost likable.
Voxden: And now to sing Hallelujah while we all hold hands.
Ienzo: Isn't it amazing how bad!fic brings us all together?
Demyx groaned and pulled away from Xigbar. He hated it when he was in the middle of flirting and one of the patients called for him. "Come with me Xiggy... I might have to give this kid a needle. I'll need the help of a big strong man like you." Demyx winked and tugged on Xigbar's shirt.
Demyx: -looks up at the ceiling imploringly- Aw, man, not again...
Nadra: -flips through the script- And you haven't even gotten to the worst of it.
"Whatever..." Xigbar shrugged and followed Demyx. When they arrived at the patient's room he unlocked the door and stepped in front of Demyx. The two had already had a run in that left Demyx with a bloodied nose. He was not going to let his favorite nurse get hurt again... "What seems to be the problem little dude?"
Zexion: -grumbles- I hate it when he calls me that.
Zexion held the pen to his wrist. "I think I'm going to kill myself!"
-Entire theater bursts out giggling/snickering again-
Demyx sighed. "Oh God. Not again..."
Larxene: That's what he said.
Demyx pulled out a needle and groaned. "Alright Xig, restrain him."
Demyx: -giggling- That's what she said.
Vexen: -rolls his eyes- Kingdom Hearts, you two are so immature.
"AH! Don't come near me!" Zexion pointed the pen at Xigbar. "I'll stab you in the throat! And that little b***h too!"
Zexion: Demyx? I sincerely apologize for everything fic!me says in regards to your character.
Demyx: Awww, that's ok. -grins and hugs him- I know the real you doesn't mean a lick of it.
Larxene: -sparks dangerously-
Demyx: -goes pale-
Demyx grabbed Xigbar's arm and pulled him out of the room. "Go get Dr. Even." He watched Xigbar nod and run off.
Zexion: Wait, why would you send the more action-oriented and trained professional to go fetch the doctor? Especially considering fake!Demyx doesn't appear that good at fighting, if the first chapter was any indication.
Larxene: Bad!fic at its stupidest, folks!
Demyx smirked. "Alright kid... We can go round and round or you can put the pen down like a good boy and back away."
Zexion growled. "Come near me with that and I'll stab you!"
Demyx chuckled. "It's just a pen. I know what it will do...
Demyx: -as himself- Ughk, it'll leave the worst stain. Can you avoid these clothes? I just cleaned them yesterday.
But do you have any idea what this'll do? Or what will happen to you when I stab you with it?"
Zexion growled. "Who cares!? I'm gonna kill myself anyway!"
"Not if I kill you first you little brat!" Demyx growled and launched himself at Zexion.
Vexen: -goes to bang his head against the wall-
Larxene: Holy s**t, is anyone actually qualified to work at this ******** hospital? It's run by freakin' crazies!
Zexion snickered and dodged the nurse's attempted tackle. Once there was a clear opening between him and the door he bolted for it.
Vexen: Wait, why are you attempting to escape? I thought you committed this rather poor attempt at fake suicide because you wanted to find me?
Zexion: It was all a ruse. Escape was my true plan all along. Who would want to stay in bad!fic?
He laughed and looked back at Demyx, only to run face first into someone's chest. He fell back on the floor and stared up in awe at Vexen. His doctor... He'd returned! "V-vexen!"
Demyx: Wait, why would he be so surprised? Didn't he hear fic!me tell fake!Xigbar to go get him?
Vexen: Further proof that reading or being in bad!fic only kills braincells.
"What is going on here!?" Vexen crossed his arms and looked down at Zexion and Demyx.
"D-dr. Even!" Demyx stood up and blushed.
Larxene: Separate that from the rest of the fic, and it's suddenly a Zemyx.
Demyx: -blushes-
Zexion: -coughs into his fist-
"He needs a sedative! He threatened to kill himself and me."
"He needs no such thing."
Vexen: -flails- And there that fake goes again, spouting nonsense!
Vexen stepped into the room and motioned for Demyx to leave. "Return to what you were doing earlier. I'll handle him."
Demyx: -as himself- Leave you alone in the room with a suicidal, homicidal, creepily obsessive teenager who's capable of who knows what? Well, sure, boss! No problem!
Vexen waited for Demyx to leave. Once he and Zexion were alone he slammed the door and glared down at the younger man. "What is your problem!? Whenever one of my patients has an outburst it goes on my record!"
Zexion: -as himself- I'm glad to see you care so much about my mental health. Although, to be quite honest, with your methods, you probably have a lot of outbursts recorded.
"I'm sorry! It's just, Marluxia said..." Zexion couldn't bring himself to look at Vexen in the eye.
"Marluxia... He's the one that informed the staff you'd stolen a pen from Lexaeus.
Larxene: Huh, and here I figured that Axel was more the backstabbing cockbite.
I was just on my way here to see if it was true." Vexen closed the distance between Zexion and himself and stared down at his patient. "The nurse said you were threatening to kill yourself. Is this true?"
Zexion nodded and bit his lip. "Yes, but..."
"I thought we'd come to an understanding on this! So you really want to die then?" Vexen scowled.
Zexion: I'm apparently receiving no psychiatric assistance for my various mental issues, I have a traumatic past which leaves scars on me still, you practically raped me, threw me aside like some useless toy, and every single person who works here seems to be incompetent of acting in the sane, rational, and non-homicidal behavior that's actually required for this kind of job... And you find it difficult to believe I want to kill myself. -facepalms-
"No! It isn't that Vexen!" Zexion looked up at his doctor panicked.
Vexen pursed his lips. "Then what is it?"
"I..." Zexion clenched his fists and avoided Vexen's gaze. "I needed to see you."
Vexen froze. "What?"
Zexion growled and looked up at Vexen with defiant eyes. "Don't look so surprised! You had to know that I'd have questions! After what you did... And then you just left! I haven't heard from you since!"
Larxene: Yeah, not exactly a healthy relationship, there, Vexie.
Vexen: -sneers- As if you would know about a healthy relationship, XII.
Larxene: Hey! I don't just leave when me and Luxord do it! I stay, a bunch of the time. We share a smoke, I tell him I'll be back next Tuesday so that I can get him drunk and into a number of embarrassing positions... -giggles-
Demyx: -rocking back and forth- Thank Kingdom Hearts I'm not British and Larxene's type, thank Kingdom Hearts I'm not British and Larxene's type...
Vexen's eyes narrowed on Zexion. "I got reassigned... Don't get pissed at me!"
Demyx: But... wait, don't you run the place?
Vexen: -facepalms-
Zexion: So, technically, I should still be pissed at you.
"You knew you were getting reassigned the next day! That's why! You took advantage of me!" Zexion jumped to his feet and glared at Vexen. "Are you happy? Got what you wanted... And the sick part is, I thought you actually cared!"
Vexen: Since I have no idea how you could have gotten that impression, I'm just going to say it was all your fault in the first place. -huffs-
Vexen cocked an eyebrow and crossed his arms. "I've told you before, I don't care. I just do my job."
Zexion clenched his fists and grit his teeth. "Is it your job to rape your patients!?"
Larxene: Well, snap.
Vexen growled and grabbed Zexion by his top. "It was not rape! You enjoyed every second of it and you know it. Don't try to turn this around on me..."
Zexion sneered. "Yeah! I did enjoy it! And you enjoyed it too which is why I can't figure out for the life of me why you waited until you knew you'd never see me again!"
Vexen narrowed his gaze. "I knew it would be awkward for you after that."
Zexion: And here's Failing At Psychology: 101, with Doctor Vexen...
"Oh, and this isn't awkward?" Zexion crossed his arms and sighed. "Once won't be enough for me. I'm trapped here until I'm too old to care about freedom... I can't get it anywhere else."
Vexen cocked an eyebrow and stepped closer to his patient. "What are you implying?"
Demyx: -rubs the back of his neck nervously- Jeez, this guy just can't go one meeting without feeling Zex up. Vex, I think fake!you has a problem.
Vexen: -snorts in disgust- Everyone in this story has a mental illness of some sort, along with their crippling idiocy.
Zexion fought the smirk growing on his face and wrapped a finger in Vexen's hair. "Well, you're the doctor. You tell me what I'm thinking..."
Vexen smiled and pulled Zexion into a kiss. Once his mouth had gotten more than enough of the taste it so craved he pulled away and chuckled. "That was a lot of drama to go through just to get me here."
Larxene: A lot of stupid, if you ask me. Seriously, I can't believe how bad these people fall for the lamest tricks...
Ienzo: I think I'm going to kill myself....
Theater bursts into giggles again.
"Well, I had to do something." Zexion flirted his fingers on the rim of his doctor's pants and smirked. "I had to see you somehow."
"How about this? Even when I'm assigned to someone else, I'll still come to visit you after my shift." Vexen graced his fingers along Zexion's cheek. "How does that sound?"
Voxden: I think they're trying to go for something romantic, if you squint your eyes a little.
Nadra: Considering that it all came after the lethal dose of stupid, it's kind of really failing.
"No! You're my doctor! Nobody else's..." Zexion stared at Vexen hard. "I won't stand for you being assigned to anybody else! I'll keep having outbursts until this hospital stops reassigning you! I want to speak to the person in charge..."
Vexen sighed. "I am in charge Zexion. Don't you remember?"
Demyx: HA! Told you!
Zexion: -holds his face in his hands- Why? Why does the fandumb write me as an idiot?
"You... You reassigned yourself then?" Zexion looked up at Vexen feeling heartbroken. "Why!? Why would you do that!?"
"I told you. I only do my job... I don't really care about you." Vexen turned away from Zexion and started out of the room. "The state is coming in three weeks to review the hospital.
Vexen: It must obviously be for the first time, since I can't imagine how in Tesla's name this pathetic, untrained wreck of a place could have survived the other inspections.
All outbursts will be recorded on file and patients with repeat issues will be transferred to a higher security hospital. Don't make any foolish mistakes Zexion."
"YOU b*****d!" Zexion chucked the pen at the back of Vexen's head but unfortunately missed.
Larxene: Why throw it? You should have just leapt forward and stabbed in the back of the neck. Tch. Amateur.
He growled and followed after the doctor only to have the door cruelly slammed in his face. He threw himself against the door and screamed as loud as he could as he pounded his fists against it. “You care so damn much about your stupid reputation Vexen!? Well I’ll destroy you! I’ll ******** destroy you! Do you hear me!?”
Zexion: He'll destroy himself at the way his own hospital is run, I don't really need to do anything. -sigh- I know that AUs, more often than not, have us depicted as having hearts, but not even the real Ienzo-
Ienzo: Hey!
Zexion: -ignores him- -Was this ridiculously out of control with his emotions.
Zexion listened with his ear against the door to hopefully hear footsteps storming back to his room but he heard nothing. After many minutes passed by he realized Vexen was not coming back to him. He flung himself onto the floor and screamed furiously. Tears swelled in his eyes and it was all he could do to keep from breaking down completely. He stood slowly and climbed into bed, his mind bitterly turning over many depressing thoughts. He finally allowed himself to drift off to sleep but it was an uneasy slumber.
Zexion: -hopefully- End?
Voxden: Yeah, yeah, end of the chapter, right, right. Jeez, you guys are wusses. -LEXICON'D- OW!
Ienzo: Oh, it'll be alright, other half! -curls up to Zexion- I'll make you feel better... heart
Zexion: -twitches- Stay away from- MMPH!
Ienzo uses Self-Cest on Zexion!... It's very effective!
Ienzo: -gleefully makes out with Zexion-
Larxene: -snaps some photos without missing a beat-
Vexen: -facepalms- I'm retreating to the concession stand. The stupidity and insanity in here is stifling me. -escapes-
Voxden: -whistles-
Demyx: -stares and gapes noticeably-
Nadra: That's disgusting.
Larxene: It's Fan-Bay gold is what it is.
Zexion: Ngh.. Hah- -shoves Ienzo off- YOU SONOVABITCH. ARGH. -portals out, twitching unhealthily-
Voxden: Was that supposed to happen?
Ienzo: Oh yes! Now he won't worry about the fic. -grins and skips with Voxden out of the theater-
Larxene: -smirks and reaches over to poke at Demyx- There's some drool on your chin, Sitar Boy.
Demyx: Bwah-? Hoshi- -quickly wipes mouth with the back of his sleeve-
Larxene: -giggles and strolls out of the theater- I can't wait to see what everyone else says when they see lil' Demyx's perverted side! -wiggles camera around-
Demyx: CRAP! No, Larxeeeeeene-! -chases after her desperately-
