Author: Trilies
Genre : Romance
Word length 1841
Sypnosis Roxas has a question.
Rating PG, since nothing really happens
Yaoi/Yuri/Pairings: Roxas/Lexaeus
First for Thirteen
"...What does it feel like, to kiss some one?"
Roxas almost doesn't know why he asks Lexaeus, and if anyone had asked, he would have said he really didn't know. Deep down, however, he does.
Like every new member to the Organization, he had followed Lexaeus around for his first few days. It was simply how things had always worked, Roxas had soon learned, after the original six had exhausted their curiosity on him and his unusual circumstances. Lexaeus could stand the worst of blows and was unfazed by the sharpest of blows. Living up to his sturdy element with ease, he could wait until the latest neophyte to the Organization, still (sometimes violently) coming ot terms with losing their heart, tires out. He is the only one they can lash at, yell at.
"I'd broken down crying," Demyx had admitted to Roxas without shame, laughing. "So embarrassing! But he hadn't even cared, just picked me up and carried me to my room while I sobbed on his shoulder like a baby." He had paused, then, and smiled softly while he rubbed the back of his neck. "That's the nice thing about Lex and Zex, you know? It's like we're all a part of this big fat dysfunctional family and they're the parents."
At that point, Larxene had chased a delighted and terrified (but still grinning) Xigbar right past them, yelling about gravity and mud. So, maybe the sitarist had something.
Still, Roxas understood then, and he understands now. Lexaeus is one of those people who somehow makes it easy to trust them. He's the strongest person in the Organization, dependable, and never takes advantage of a comrade's moment of weakness.
It's admirable. That's what Roxas used to think. Now...
"How do you mean that, exactly?" Unlike other people, Lexaeus doesn't point out what an odd, out of the blue question that is. The newspaper that was taken from a newly discovered world is placed down so that Lexaeus can look at Roxas, but the younger Nobody doesn't stop reading the funnies. He's trying, very hard, to pretend to be casual, but the act doesn't fool Lexaeus. Out of the corner of his eye, Roxas can see him smiling somewhat.
"I just don't see what the big deal is," Roxas explains, and, at last, looks up from the flimsy paper in his hands. "In some of the worlds, people can't get enough of it. Books, movies, real life... Does it really feel that great?"
Neatly folding his paper, Lexaeus replies with, "The physical feeling is certainly something many people like. What most people want, however, is the emotion behind it."
"You mean love." Roxas presses his hands flat against the paper and pulls himself up so that he's sitting with his legs crossed, indian style.
"That's right."
"And what's that like?"
"This certainly doesn't seem inside your usual interests."
There's a quick silence, as Roxas frowns and starts inspecting his shoes. After a moment where it's hard to tell what he's thinking, Roxas reveals his reasons. "Axel made fun of me for not knowing anything about things like that."
Ah. With how stoic Roxas normally acts, aloof with a good half of the Organization, it's all too easy to forget that he's still just a teenage boy, one with no heart or memories to boot. Combine peer pressure with having to rely on others to know how to act human...
"Love is something just about every creature with a heart wants to feel," Lexaeus says, returning to their previous topic. "It also feels different for different people."
"Have you ever been in love? When you had a heart?"
"Yes."
"What did it feel like for you?"
Lexaeus falls silent, and recalls his memories of Radiant Garden: agonizingly clean labs full of laughter and yelling, bread crumbs floating on pond water while fish and Chocobos try to steal them away from one another, twisting and brilliant gardens of color where it seems like the heart of the world beats with the hearts of its people... And a beautiful young woman with long, curling brown hair and a starshine radiant smile.
"It felt like a summer sun had replaced my heart," is what he says, and he isn't trying to be poetic. It's simply how he remembers his heart, swallowed up by that passionate emotion Aerith invoked.
Just as Lexaeus had not laughed at Roxas' questions, the teenage Nobody doesn't laugh at Lexaeus' description. He only frowns, and rubs the area over his own not-there heart. Inside his ribcage is only an ever present hollow feeling, filled only by rare bursts of white hot something that he doesn't understand, which accompany the dreams he has or when he brushes against some one in particular... Of course, Roxas' actions are clear, because Lexaeus says reassuringly, "You'll find out for yourself when Kingdom Hearts is completed."
For some reason, the response doesn't reassure Roxas too much, but he nods anyway. "I guess I'll just have to wait for that," he says with a small smirk, although it lacks any bite. "But what about kissing? Some of the other Nobodies seem to know about that, like it, as much as we can, anyway..."
"And from whom did you hear that from?"
"Larxene was talking to Xaldin about some one named 'Go-Go' or something-" Roxas pauses, fascinated at how Lexaeus flinches at the name. "...I don't want to know, do I?"
"No, you most certainly do not." Sighing, Lexaeus runs a hand through his hair, wondering at Roxas' blessed luck. Most of the time, when Larxene was in the mood to talk about her lover, it was more graphic than simple kissing, and not in a romantic way, at times. "So, you want to kiss some one?"
Just a little bit, Roxas feels his face get warmer at the simple and blunt way Lexaeus says it. Keeping his cool, he nods. "But... Not just some random stranger." Lexaeus raises his eyebrows, a sign to continue, so Roxas does. "I'd rather it would be some one I know. And not Axel," he adds quickly. Meaningfully, he looks at Lexaeus, and the older man catches on quickly.
"...You want to experiment kissing with me?"
Hoping his face is as much as stone as he thinks it is, Roxas nods and begins to focus once more on his boots. "Only if you wouldn't mind..." More quiet, and he's beginning to suspect the worse. Dammit, what was he thinking? Of all the questions and of all the members of the Organization to ask this of...
"If it'll satisfy your curiosity, I can't think of any other reasons besides the age gap and our gender."
Roxas has to smile a little at that, although it's barely noticeable. "We destroy worlds, and you're concerned about moral stuff like that?"
A low chuckle is the response to that. "Touché." Lexaeus leans back in his chair, the newspaper tucked away. "So, how would you like to do this, then?"
Clenching his hands together, Roxas glances up at Lexaeus from beneath his bangs, hesitant in new territory. "I want to lead."
"Alright."
Would it be this easy with other people? Roxas has a feeling it wouldn't. With his joints feeling suddenly stiff, Roxas gets onto his feet and walks over to Lexaeus, face really heating up now. Thankfully, Lexaeus doesn't comment, just sits there with his eyes closed serenely. When he opens them, it's without a trace of judgment or anything else that would make this more awkward then it is. Unconsciously, Roxas begins to relax, and even gives a tentative smile. "So..."
"Tilt your head to the side," Lexaeus advises gently. "So our noses don't bump." Roxas follows the instructions, leaning forward so that he can get closer. He notices, for no real reason at all, that even sitting down, Lexaeus is still a little taller than him, and he almost has to get on the other's lap in order to make this work. "Then close your eyes and press your lips against mine. There will be a bit of movement involved, and that will be it."
The way his breath flows across Roxas' own too close lips makes him shiver a little, with the pink on his face spreading to his ears while he places his hands on Lexaeus' shoulders. "That sounds simple."
Lexaeus' mouth twitches slightly in a smile. "Things usually do. Now, whenever you're ready." Closing his eyes, he waits, as calm and patient as always.
He could back out now, Roxas knows that. Still, he asked for this, and he refuses to back down now. Besides, he's almost... looking forward to it, in a way. In the beginning, he had admired Lexaeus, but that's change and... Roxas doesn't know what to think any more. Taking a deep breath, Roxas finally closes the distance, although not as boldly as he would have liked; in fact, he's almost shy as he brushes his lips softly against Lexaeus' . He has no idea if he's doing any of this right, but isn't that the point? As if sensing his indecision and confusion, Lexaeus reacts, just as gentle as he moves against Roxas' mouth.
It's a completely chaste, sweet kiss, done in less than a minute, something Roxas hadn't expected. Everything he'd read or seen made it seem like that sort of thing was supposed to last for ages, but this... Well, it was short. Done in a few seconds.
And in those few seconds, Roxas is left with a deep, warm feeling that seems to flicker in and out of existence in his very veins. He's not sure if he likes that or not... But he does like the weight of Lexaeus' hand over his own, and the way he pulled back.
"Are you alright?" Lexaeus asks, once Roxas has taken a few steps back, still feeling a bit of shock at the experience and the after-feelings.
Blinking, Roxas wonders what he's so worried about. After all, he was the one who asked... Nodding, he says, "I'm fine. That was..." Nice. Pleasant. Should they be doing something else after that? This whole thing is Greek to him. "I guess I can see why the others like that sort of thing." He certainly knows he does, but more than that, he just likes... He liked talking with Lexaeus, not having to live up to a certain expectation or dragged along on weird hijinks like with Axel. It was nice being as close to some one like he was with Lexaeus. Scratching the back of his head, Roxas jerks his shoulders in a shrug. "Anyway, thanks, Lexaeus. I have a mission soon, so I guess I should get some rest..."
"Good idea." Lexaeus stands up, and walks with Roxas to the door of his room, past the shelves of various puzzles which lend the room a rare lived-in feeling absent in most of the castle. "I suppose I'll see you when you return, then. Good luck."
"Thanks." Before he steps outside, however, Roxas pauses, and looks back up at Lexaeus. He's not one for confessions, but lying has never been his forte either. "When I come back... I'd like to spend some more time with you."
Lexaeus only raises his eyes slightly at that before he nods.
"And I wouldn't mind the company."
