It's about... 12:30 in the morning on the first non-school night of the summer... And it hasn't really clicked in my head yet that school is out. Everyone in the house is asleep, the ferret is curled up in her playpen beside me, and my best friend is having an emotional breakdown further down the street, but I already talked to her so I guess that's solved until tomorrow morning.
So, right now, I'm just sitting here... Reflecting back on the school year, but mostly on the past two weeks. I've realized a lot emotionally, learned several lessons, failed a class for the first time... But I'm feeling oddly calm. As if a lot of stress is relieved. I still have some things to take care of, but for the first time in weeks, months, I'm at peace.
I've got the summer ahead to sort out anything I need to sort out before the coming school year. I want to start the year stress-free and with friend support. I don't want to start the school year with strangled relationships or I'll just say screw friend support and attempt the year without it, and I really don't want to do that because I love you guys. But it's Senior year, I can't screw up.
Currently I'm carrying two online classes but they're easy so I'm not too worried about them strangling my summer. I'll finish them hopefully before July, then move on. I'll even speed up my pace to get it done sooner.
I guess relationships do get more complicated as you get older. I know that I still have a lot to learn. I can't say that I've completely forgotten about guys right now, though. I really can't. There's always at least one on my mind, and I don't know where that's going right now. All I know is that I have a long while to wait before that goes anywhere, and I'm not sure that it will... But we'll see. I hope it will, but if it doesn't, then I can accept the consequences of having my chance then screwing it up.
I hope the decision will be made over the summer. I did so much better in school when I had him keeping my a** in gear. Unfortunately, once the school year starts again, I won't have much time to ponder on it. The relationship is either there or it isn't. By that point it may be too late for my sanity. I'm not saying that I want it to happen before the end of summer, that's way too much to ask. But I would feel better with the knowledge that it'll be there waiting for me in the end.
Until then, here are my summer plans: Beach trips, late nights, mall days, sleep, more sleep, days of sleep... Recovery. And much, much more. With Becky I'm sure she's going to keep me in gear this summer.
And... that's pretty much all I have to say.
So, right now, I'm just sitting here... Reflecting back on the school year, but mostly on the past two weeks. I've realized a lot emotionally, learned several lessons, failed a class for the first time... But I'm feeling oddly calm. As if a lot of stress is relieved. I still have some things to take care of, but for the first time in weeks, months, I'm at peace.
I've got the summer ahead to sort out anything I need to sort out before the coming school year. I want to start the year stress-free and with friend support. I don't want to start the school year with strangled relationships or I'll just say screw friend support and attempt the year without it, and I really don't want to do that because I love you guys. But it's Senior year, I can't screw up.
Currently I'm carrying two online classes but they're easy so I'm not too worried about them strangling my summer. I'll finish them hopefully before July, then move on. I'll even speed up my pace to get it done sooner.
I guess relationships do get more complicated as you get older. I know that I still have a lot to learn. I can't say that I've completely forgotten about guys right now, though. I really can't. There's always at least one on my mind, and I don't know where that's going right now. All I know is that I have a long while to wait before that goes anywhere, and I'm not sure that it will... But we'll see. I hope it will, but if it doesn't, then I can accept the consequences of having my chance then screwing it up.
I hope the decision will be made over the summer. I did so much better in school when I had him keeping my a** in gear. Unfortunately, once the school year starts again, I won't have much time to ponder on it. The relationship is either there or it isn't. By that point it may be too late for my sanity. I'm not saying that I want it to happen before the end of summer, that's way too much to ask. But I would feel better with the knowledge that it'll be there waiting for me in the end.
Until then, here are my summer plans: Beach trips, late nights, mall days, sleep, more sleep, days of sleep... Recovery. And much, much more. With Becky I'm sure she's going to keep me in gear this summer.
And... that's pretty much all I have to say.
