Shatter
Voxden wants to say that things with Ienzo are always perfect.
Yes, the Heartless is on the very edge of insanity. Yes, sometimes he has an overwhelming urge to tear out a person's heart. Yes, people have died because of him. Yes, he has a lot to be guilty about. Yes, a lot more people are going to be hurt in the process of making things right again. And yes... It's not going to get better anytime soon.
But Voxden wants to say that's okay, it really is. The end justifies the mean, no matter what the goody two-shoes say, and has for the insanity and the urges... Well, that's what he and Xandra are for, right? As long as Ienzo has Voxden and Xandra and his photo album to remind him, everything will be fine.
That's what Voxden wants to say. Reality isn't so kind. Like now.
Xandra is better at this than Voxden is. The raging, the razor-sharp insults that tear through his emotions like they're being dragged down his arms- none of it fazes her. Truly the emotional shell people say Nobodies are, she just bears Ienzo's breakdowns with a cool indifference and the agility to dodge the occasional thrown object.
Because he loves Ienzo, Voxden is the exact opposite.
"I ******** HATE HIM!"
There's a sharp crack and a flurry of thuds, which Voxden winces at. That has to be bone, he thinks, a poor attempt to get his mind away from the sight of Ienzo slamming his paper-white fists against the wall. In fact, it only makes Voxden feel worse, and the redhead takes a nervous step forward. Ienzo's happiness is one of the most important things in Voxden's mind, but with this, he's conflicted, divided. He wants so badly to go over and soothe Ienzo's pain, make him laugh and smile, but what if that's wrong? What if raging and pounding and sobbing is what will soothe Ienzo? What if this is what will make him happy?
As Voxden helplessly wavers, Ienzo continues to slam his hands against the wall with his teeth bared. He looks more like some rabid animal than human as he bares his teeth, golden eyes narrowed dangerously. "I hate him, I hate him, I hate him," Ienzo hisses to himself, his entire body shaking. "He knew, he knew, played my heart, strung me along- should have known , should have realized I was an infatuated fool as I slaved for him..." The terrifying look of rage instantly vanishes as tears start pouring down Ienzo's face and he slowly falls to the floor, fists sliding down the wall. "I... I... My fault, it was all my fault... I was the one to convince the Master to expand the labs... Without those... The research only... Elaeus knew, but he couldn't..." Bruises and battred fists are slowly raised to his mouth as he stares off distnaty, a look of terror on his face. "Elaeus," he sobs. "Elaeus knew, he must have, and then he... He tried to... My fault... No..."
The black lab coat he always wears suddenly bursts apart, changing into a swirling and malevolent darkness which whirls aroudn Ienzo like a twister. In a heartbeat, Ienzo is back onto his feet, a murderous intent radiating off of him. "No," he snarls, his eyes glowing yellow slits. "He's the one who killed him, he's the one who started all of this... Before... Before, before, we were happy, things were perfect, the Gardens bloomed-" He cuts himself off by digging his teeth into one of his curled up fingers, cutting into skin with ease. The dark red, black-tainted blood blossoms out from the wound, curling into smoke as soon as it exposes itself to air. It must hurt, it has to hurt, but Ienzo seems unaware, and only continues to bite down, that hateful look on his face. It remains, even when his hand is pulled away.
"Please," Voxden whispers, eyes wide like a child's as he cradles Ienzo's hand in his own. "Please, please, don't hurt yourself, don't..." Carefully, he raises Ienzo's hand to his lips, and gently kisses the wound. "I can't..."
Ienzo sways in place, his gaze now disant once more as he stares off into some place over Voxden's shoulder. He seems so tired, panting and gasping for air. Suddeny his gaze snaps to Voxden, and he breathes, "And you." Viciously, he tears his hand out of Voxden's grasp, giving a loud and sharp laugh, all bitterness before he glares harshly. "You're just as bad, you b*****d! Why do you- Dammit!" Hunching his shoulders up, Ienzo grabs his hair and his face twists into a look of pain and hatred. "Why! WHY!? What I do- I'm broken, why- how can you even think of loving me-" He gives a garbled laugh, tears leaking down his cheeks again, stained black. "Broken, broken, I'm broken, and you're broken too-" Fists begin to pound on Voxden's chest before the fingers curl into his white coat as Ienzo crumples onto his knees, and Voxden just follows suit, because what else can he do? "I hate you," Ienzo whispers venomously, hands shaking. Slowly, his voice begins to rise. "I hate you, I hate you, I HATE you, I HATE YOU-!"
"'Zo," Voxden whispers, and almost immediately, the Heartless falls quiet, breathing hard as he stares up into his face. "Ienzo, do you... Really?" Voxden bows his head, and reaches up with twitching fingers to remove his glasses. When he looks up next, his face is crumpled into a look of such terrible sorrow that shouldn't belong on a Nobody's face. "You hate me so much, Ienzo? I... can die... If it would make you happy, I'll go away forever, I want you to be happy, I love you... Ienzo..."
Silence falls over the Heartless before he gives a wet sob, and his fingers just tighten their hold on Voxden's coat. "Voxden," he moans. "Voxden, no no no no, don't leave me, I don't want to be alone, don't leave me, please, I'm sorry... I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-"
They cling to each other as Ienzo clings and wails and cries, helpless and so terribly broken, but that's okay...
Because it's true that Voxden's broken too.
----------------------------------------------------
When Voxden wakes up, for a moment, he forgets where he is, and why he's leaning against a wall with Ienzo curled up against him. Then, in terrifying detail, he remembers again... But some things don't fit, like the blanket that's wrapped around them or the smidge of red that Voxden can see clinging to the corner of his glasses. Blinking, he raises a hand to take off his glasses- Only to find that what he thought would be his free arm has something pressing against it. Shaking his head to wake himself up, Voxden looks to the side.
It is in her sleep that Xandra looks her most beautiful. In sleep, there's only smooth cool calm and not that sad emptiness which normally pervades her face. It is a divine, distant beauty that Xandra possesses with her red lips just slightly open and her heavy eyelashes brushing against her cheeks while her short red hair falls in curls around her face. The sight of her cheek resting against his blanket-covered shoulder almost makes Voxden smile when he realizes why the red of her lips is so familiar; it's the same red that's smudged against his eyeglasses. Curious, Voxden turns his attention to Ienzo and uses the hand that's curled around the Heartless to brush aside some of his dark hair. Just as he thought, there's a lipstick mark against his forehead, as obvious as a traffic light at night. Content, Voxden relaxes against the wall, and tries to bring both Heartless and Nobody closer to him.
Maybe they're all broken, but, Voxden reassures himself, that doesn't mean all they can do is scar one another.
