I don't know how they can do it and I don't know how I can take it. Being apart kills me and so does waking up with poofy Asian eyes every morning. College v. High School. There's a big difference from him and me now. Separated by this barrier where I can't get through because I'm STUCK. I'm STUCK here! A week goes by and I'm fine because I get to see him in a couple days. But then two weeks go by, three weeks, four weeks. What now? We talk to each other everyday and he tells me highlights or anything interesting that happens and keeps me updated. I think it's great that he still continuously cares about me. I just wish he could care for me by being next to me. I worry sometimes that I'm tying him down. Will he forget about me? Has he ever forgotten that he's with a great girl? I may not be the most outrageous or the most flirty , but I'm dedicated, supportive, and most of all, I know him the best. People in college only see what he puts on the surface, but I know him. I convince myself that he does know that and he'll never forget me in college. Another thing is temptation. This worries me the most. Whatever I don't know won't hurt me right? He can be doing things that are unfaithful or just complete unacceptable and I may not know anything about it. I yell at myself to trust and to trust and to trust, but I have to be honest and take in the opinions of those around me. Acquaintances of mine ask me if I have a boyfriend and I say, "Yes, he's in college." "He's in college? And you trust him?" I trust him. I trust him enough to not break up because I believed in him and I believed in us long, long time ago. If I didn't think something would come out of this relationship, I would have stopped myself. Anyone close enough to me would know that. I CAN'T do something irresponsible. I've been born into the infamous Lee family, for God's sake. Anyway, back to the point. He and I believed in each other, honestly and full-heartily, that we had something. I still do but not as whole-heartily as before. I don't know if that's wrong or just normal, but I don't like it. What if he's met someone else over there? I wouldn't know. What if he forgets about me for a long period of time? I wouldn't know. There are lots of things I wouldn't know and that would STILL hurt me.
I finally got it out there. One more secret before I go. I'm secretly really jealous of my friends because they get to see their boyfriends or girlfriends everyday. They wouldn't understand why.
Goodnight
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domokun
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