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Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Today was hard for me. Especially when you guys left out the door to leave for Minnesota. I sat on the couch and cried for awhile. I feel selfish, because I really didn't want you to leave. It's the first time we've been really separated since I came down here. I feel so empty.

I couldn't sleep. I was running a fever and my body ached all over. I dozed off on the couch, but finally I dragged myself upstairs and curled up in your bed. I fell into an uneasy sleep.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

This morning was a bit confusing. I remember your mom calling, but I don't remember much of the conversation. I fell back asleep only to be awoken again by your mom calling. I think it was around 12pm, but I don't recall. Your mom said you had just passed Denver, Colorado, that you were sleeping, but that you wanted me to know you loved me. I cried for awhile, before finally going downstairs to watch Rugrats on the DVR. I dozed off on the couch that night.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

I've started losing since of time at this point. I didn't know if it was Thursday or Friday, and I started going out of my mind. I gone out to check the mail only to find a yellow paper saying the apartment was vacant. Or maybe that was Wednesday. I don't recall anymore. It's been awhile since I last heard from you guys and I'm really worried.

Friday, June 11, 2010

The dog is losing it, too. All he does is lay on the arm of the couch, looking out the window and whine. After awhile he'll get down and start crying. Of course hearing him, I start crying. I still haven't heard from you guys and I checked the caller ID just to be sure I didn't miss a phone call from you, but there's nothing.

I wrote a poem in the early morning for you and I really hope you like the poem. I also drew you two pictures today, and I'm anxious to show you. I just wish the days would go by faster.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Today I decided to start writing everything that's been going on since you left on Tuesday. I'm starting to lose my mind. I'm going crazy; every time I hear a car door slam shut, me and Curly rush to the window, only to be brought disappointment. I've just finished watching Rugrats. I keep hoping you guys will call or at least send me a text message to let me know you're alright.

I haven't been sleeping well. Last night I dreamt that you guys came home during the night. Your mom told you to leave me be and sleep, but when I woke up, I was disappointed that it had been nothing but a dream. I rolled over and dozed off only to dream that I was falling to nothing, you trying to reach for me, but I was just out of your grasp.

Curly is up again in the window, whining, and every time he does, I start to cry. We both miss all of you a lot. I really hope to hear from you soon. I miss the sound of your voice, I miss you telling me you love me. I miss being able to tell you I love you.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

It's finally Sunday, but it's only started. It seems like forever before you'll return. I feel so selfish. I just want you back. I've never felt so alone in my whole life and the only thing that is getting me through the days is writing to you, (although I may never actually give you these letters, I'm not sure yet), and my wonderful friends on Gaia.

I keep fearing that maybe you've forgotten me with all the confusion going on in your life. I should try being there for you instead of sitting in my own self-pity. It's just for the first time ever, I feel empty, alone, and lost. I asked my mother once when I was about five or six, how you knew you truly loved someone. “You'll just know.” That's what she had told me, and I think I finally understand. When I see you, I see only you. You light up the room and you make me feel warm inside. I feel like I matter, like I actually am a somebody. You brighten my day; you are my GUARDIAN ANGEL! I truly am happy that I got on that bus. I promise you I will never leave you. You are my other half; my soulmate.

It's finally the afternoon. I missed your mom's phone call and I was disappointed. I tried to call back, but it didn't work. I got a text message from your mom saying you guys were heading back on your way to Arizona and that you'd be home Tuesday. Thank goodness, because I'm starting to feel weird writing to myself.

Monday, June 14, 2010

I thought this long week would never end. But Monday is finally here and I just have to make it through today. I long to be able to be in your arms once morn. You are the love of my life, the one I want to spend all of my eternity with.

Yesterday I went with Mischelle as she looked at some houses. I also ate dinner at her apartment; Shepard's Pie. It was really good. Too bad you're such a picky eater.

I'm happy that you're finally going to be home soon. I love you so much and I don't ever want to lose you. You lave me breathless; you leave me speechless. All I can ever think about is you. I feel like you are the breath in me; without you I won't be able to go on. I need you to survive; I need you to live. No one will ever keep me from you. You are my happiness.

Well, I'm not sure what else more to write you. The day is only beginning and I need to get to bed. I hope you've dreamt about me this week, because I have of you. I love you, James, and I promise I always will love you.

I made some peanut butter cookies as a surprise welcome home, well... SURPRISE! I hope that they will taste alright. Well, they do; I just hope that you will like thme. I had a hard time mixing the dough; the only bowl I could find was too small.

Mischelle came over today. She made cheeseburgers with onion and mushrooms, frenchfries, and... that was all for lunch. It was tasty. She's here again making BLT's. YUMMY! Spending time with her has helped with some of the time going by. I hope tonight and tomorrow will go by fast til you get here.

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