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There are times when I reflect back on things and try to understand what went wrong, what went right, and what could have or can be done. Sometimes I like to burn off my thinking juices through my writing. As of late however, I've been thinking some things over. Normally I keep a lot of things to myself and hardly share my thoughts with anyone both in and out of offline and online. For my own reason or reasons unknown I keep it that way. I can be blunt, straight forward, honest. It's these three however that I sometimes get into trouble, and gain a whole crowed going after me for what they perceive as a "jerk" or really "mean" person. I've been noticing a lot of things and it continues to pop in my mind. When another person is honest blunt and straight forward, everyone else is okay with it. Its because of these reasons why I shut myself off to most of the world. I like it if I'm able to make someone happy and smile even if its just for a little bit. But there are moments when I silently wish to find someone who can in turn do the same for me. sometimes that wish happens, but a majority the smiles are fake to humor the other. Someone once asked me why my eyes always looked sad, and I replied with that thats just how they look. Then formed that fake smile so that the subject would be dropped and I left alone.

Sometimes when I find the luxury of something that will make me smile a real smile. There is always something else hovering near by however waiting to take it away and go on their merry way. The cold hand of betrayal, pain, anger, loneliness, joy, and curiosity have all placed themselves on my shoulders one after another. I'll be honest, most of the time I don't know what to do with them. I guess that's why I've started writing here. Someone told me the best remedy is to write down your thoughts. I'm going to give it a chance starting with this entry. If a thought pops in my head, I will put it down here where I know it will be safe from being destroyed by physical means.

My real name a lot of people don't know. The ones that do know have dubbed me Mr.E.

I like writing.
I like drawing.
I like some music.
I like old horror movies.
I like anime.
I like scary stories.
I like fantasy tales.
I like video games.
I like western films.

I don't like some people.
my dislikes are on and off depending on what is going on.
I am both a honest and dishonest person.
I don't trust many people.
I shut myself off to most things.
I can be very vague.
I don't have much to say.
I'm more of a listener then a speaker.
when I do speak, the words I feel come out wrong.
words in my head sound beautiful but I can't word them verbally in the same way.
I am searching for something.
I don't know what I'm looking for.
I do know what I am looking for at the same time.
when people say they understand me or know how I feel, I think they don't truly know what I am feeling most of the time.
I hate when words are put into my mouth that are negative when I'm trying for positive.
I can't stand when my side of the story isn't heard and fairly judged without the mind being clouded by a decision already.

That's all I'll say for now.