such unusual ideas caught in dead eyes.
hope bereft. faith unkind.
polaroid friends. instant photographs lacking dimension.
born so bloody. so small. so weak. incubated infancy.
i survived. but then i never really did. just kept on breathing without any reason.
and then they all question why. why such unsual ideas caught in dead eyes.
they push me like piano keys. wanting me to sing. but i just avert my gaze. so that they won't see...
those such unsual ideas caught in dead eyes
s
u
i
c
i
d
e
this lovely suicide.
i'll never know anything of what life is really about.
how it charms eager hearts like cobras in baskets. how it makes living something to be wanted instead of being something you wish had never happened.
this lovely suicide.
my mistress. my siren.
i'll never know anything except longing. curiousity. doubt.
watching it like tv. moving images do promise something real. some distant truth much too far away for me to ever feel.
this lovely suicide.
so less than tragic. so much a life that never happened.
why must it hurt so much? everything does. life. death. hate. love. friends. sex.
poke a hole. lick a throat. fall in. fall down. know.
why must everything hurt so much? it hurts to live. it hurts to die. it hurts falling in love. hurts becoming friends.
it hurts to wake up. tangled in those blankets. sun in my eyes. it hurts knowing there's yet another day to live. or at least, pretend i am alive.
why must it hurt so much? maiking memories. remembering them. everything does. falling in love. letting it end.
it hurts to listen. hurts to speak. hurts to hold my tongue. hurts being me.
why must everything hurt so much? when does it stop? maybe never. this could be forever. this could be hell. since i've already been kicked out of heaven.
black cheek of night beckons my kiss. and i give in. knowing that all stages are quiet now. all scenes have ended. the actors have all left.
all my loves are suicide. all my lovers razor blades. and the friends that remain. tears i never should've cried.
watching the memories. reliving the hope. happiness a ghost above my grave. as this loneliness slowly suffocates.
this haunted heart only wishes to rest in peace. to really die at last and never again have to feel. to feel that euphoria that comes with. to watch it leaving. leaving me like this.
View User's Journal
Tainted Dreams
so numb.....
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