Some days I just feel like I don't know anything.
This world is confusing and so many people thinks that THEY have the right answers. Everyone else is stupid and wrong if they don't listen to these obviously correct ways of thinking.
I wish I had the time and focus to truly sit and study so many of these things, but my ADHD could never. I just want to live my life the best way possible, but I am relying so heavily on the advice of others to try and do that!
The mysteries of this world will likely stay mysteries forever, so somehow I just have to come to terms with that. I have to just keep doing my best and hope it's enough. I can't do more than that.
I know there are plenty of people in this world that will always ask for more from you. There are people who you will never be good enough for and trying to please them will only have you running yourself ragged. If I keep trying to please those people, I will break.
I wish I could make them understand, but no one seems to want to understand. Everyone just wants to make me understand them, it feels like they never want to listen and understand my side of the story. Either that or I am chronically bad at explaining myself (which is just as likely to be honest).
Some days it feels like my therapist is the only one who knows all of me. I have to constantly edit myself for everyone else. I don't want to, but I don't feel safe bringing my whole self to the party. Everyone has opinions about what this life should look like and my life definitely doesn't fit that mold. It doesn't seem to fit any mold.
They always said that about my grandpa, that he broke the mold when they made him. I was always proud of that sentiment, I liked that he was different and interesting. Why can't I see that the same way for myself?
I'm trying. I'm always trying.
ShiroOkazaki Community Member 
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