I did finally get an emotion today. Depression, or near it. That or just sad. I've been this way for hours if not since last night. I went to take my exam and it was alright. I said one thing in class but it isn't pg13 so I won't say it here. People laughed though, and I can't believe I said it.
I also stopped my lesson early because I started crying. My instructor reminded me about things going on right now. He understood and let it go.
The next month is going to be busy. I must get my mallet solo ready, and I have just been asked to do some percussion in the Carmina Burana for the March concert coming up. It's good music, but will keep me more busy than I should be right now with music. I really should ONLY focus on my solo for college right now becuase the audition is so close. I've been wasting so much time getting mentally prepared.
I hate feeling this way, but I doubt it will go away quickly. With the mix of being very happy with life and it's turnouts the past month, my "crash" was due just as it always is. Too much of a good thing causes trouble for me. I stay happy for too long, or get too happy for an amount of time and you can be assured I'll crash. Still it was fun. I wish it hadn't been triggered though. That way I could have stayed happy a couple of more days maybe. I may have not crashed at all.
Yes the knowledge of my family member and fact I know nothing more is bad too. I crashed in October for similar reasons, so it makes sense I would get depressed now. Hopefully this is a shorter time span of depression than normal.
And my quest for the Kiki did start... So anyone who cares wish me luck.
Mockyru Community Member 
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