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Why does everything have to change?
It just seems like I can't be close to anyone I love anymore... because they're different now. It just makes me really... sad. I miss how they used to be, and how happy I was with them.
Now its like everyone is so distant... so I feel like I don't know who they are anymore. Everyone has become unpredictable. It makes me wish for the older days to come back, though hoping for that won't do me any good.
...Nowadays it seems that I can't even drown myself in video games to forget my troubles. I always feel like I want to cry. But I never can. Its only a temporary thing after all, it has no meaning. Feels kinda like everyone has turned their back on me. Or maybe its just that I crave too much attention. I don't know. The ones who used to comfort me so much just piss me off so much now. The one I used to speak to always has gone away to work and to study. I can't blame him. He has a life to live. But its just so sad not being able to speak to him anymore. But then again, what good is it if the simplest of questions are evaded and a soul is bruised? Why ask at all, for fear of hurting the other? I don't know anymore, I just don't know.
All I ever asked for was to be happy. Sure, maybe that's a temporary thing as well. It just hurts so much, seeing that the ones I was close to have drifted away. But its probably just me being selfish. And Emo. I have nobody I can talk to. Nobody that doesn't want ot make a suggestion that will hurt me, anyway. I'm sure they still care. But being the retarded selfish a** that I am, I don't know...
I just need something to give me hope. Someone to hug me close and tell me that everything will work out. Someone to say that I will be happy. But everyone who could possibly do that is gone. Or has changed. Or hates the one I love. I just don't know how to feel anymore. I don't want to be sad, but I can't stop crying. I don't want to be upset, but the way things are turning out, I am. Sure, it might all be a choice, or just a temporary feeling, but its more than that to me. I am ruled by my emotion. When I'm sad, I'm depressed. When I'm happy, I'm overjoyed. I just don't know when I'll be happy again. It feels like I haven't truly smiled in such a long time.
I'd appreciate it if you didn't throw any scornful comments this way. Actually, I'd appreciate it if you didn't throw any comments this way at all. But sooner or later, some a** isn't going to read this part and leave a comment... which will just piss me off.